ZDuvid wrote on 31 Jan 2016 17:50:


Oy. I hear you. I was laughing when I read it bc I can relate so much to the intensity of the emotion of your last line, although I try not to do that bc bottom line, he does give me everything else so I'll take breathing and health even without ishus.

So onto a serious note. 200 days is amazing and your situation is SO frustrating. Whoa. Acting out, I think, is not necessarily going to solve the problem or make you feel better. But that won't necessarily stop you bc once the beast is waking, it's really hard. But do your best, bc I'm way behind you and it's people like you who make me think it's possible for me. And I don't want to quit when these things happen to me so do it for all of us!

Whatever happens, we're behind you.

ZDuvid wrote on 31 Jan 2016 18:56:

Dov wrote on 11 Apr 2013 21:04:

Hi ZDuvid I feel your pain, however G-D still loves you even after you posted your last line!
But before you are ready to give up, one little question "Is your newborn healthy? adorable?" I didn't see any post from you saying "I love g-d" because he gave me such a beautiful lovely neshama?!

I had a similar situation not too long ago. Hang in there. I have had those thoughts as well.
Feel free to reach out.
As the saying goes, "operators are standing by, waiting for your call..."

heiligeryid wrote on 31 Jan 2016 19:57:
Oy your so right, but i have this crazy yearning together with the moment waited so long to be intimate with my wife, and then boom.. and then another boom..and then 4 hours away from mikvah nught and then another boom...
A regular guy would with no hesitation masterbate the witz out of him in my situation, but im on a difference ball game since i was a compulsive maniac, so if i fall i might bang my head badly.
Any ideas how to go about it?
Can you imgine anyone of you giving birth to a baby and then being told you will need to wait 8 weeks to see the baby, then FINALLY the moment arrives and hes told NO wait another week then finally after a whole week NO another week. Then he embraces for the final day and boom, wait another two weeks!!! Thats sick dude

Workingguy wrote on 31 Jan 2016 18:59:

I 2nd this sentiment. My recovery is fragile, barely 2 months. And my downward spiral began in the after birth tekufa as well, so I will be following this thread closely.

I will just add, though it may sound cliche, that obviously God believes in you more than you do in yourself! You should take this nisayon as a sign of progress. The regular day to day nisyonos most of us are struggling with may be too easy for you by now...
I wish you continued Hatzlacha on your journey and I'm confident you can persevere!

Hello everyone
So yesterday i decided that instead of feeling down and depressed i made reservations to a restaurant with me and my wife and we had a great time. (The wine and the cocktail helped definitely....)
I think that the addiction breeds in sadness and loneliness
So getting happy and chiilin around people especially my wife hellped me a little get over the blow, and now i will be counting down...

Tell me about it, loneliness and sadness are like magnets that keep pulling us back into our problems/
I admire you! You made the right decision.
Lots of hatzlacha in your journey!

9494 wrote on 01 Feb 2016 19:20:
so am i supose to have a attitude from now on that i wont be having someone in my life for relations? Almost like a widower chas visholem? It cant be going so far. Must be back in my mind looking out for that moment

Oh you better shut your mouth or else....lol
In a serious note, its not all about sex when im talking about relations. Its "being together" in a physical way that is really a emotional way to. Its not all about sex. Iyh when you will be practicing the Niddah laws you will understand what i mean.
For an example, if you can only talk to your child from a distance but cant play with him, cuddle, dance, hug, kiss, give rides and so on its NOT the same.

ZDuvid wrote on 01 Feb 2016 20:22:


A very good point. I'd also add that before we want to minimize something by saying sex is optional, we have to first take knowledge the reality of it and then try to minimize it. The sexual urge is one of the strongest biological urges known to mankind and the animal kingdom. I venture to say that there are plenty of people out there who, if face with a choice of their left leg but no sex or sex with her left leg would probably have One leg.

I think we have to acknowledge that the desire for sex and or marital intimacy is tremendous, and the challenge is a great one. However, that reality has nothing to do with our ability to transcend that. As Jews, we believe that Hashem gives us the ability to be above biological urges and desires. That's part of the concept of Bris Milah- that our covenant with Hashem is specifically in the area which, from a natural perspective, is so challenging.

Of course there are ways to make this struggle easier and maybe even easy, but let's not forget that it is a big deal and that we should feel very proud when we actually are successful and not minimize the challenge that we face.

That sounds a little preachy, so I'm talking to myself. (Or I forgot that I'm not speaking at a Bris now)

Sex with her left leg......? Hmmmm....

cordnoy wrote on 01 Feb 2016 21:56:


I saw that one coming when I wrote it but figured it might get by.....

9494 wrote on 01 Feb 2016 19:47:


May hashem help you to find the right one very soon. Amen!

I agree with 94², (big chiddush ), I think that adopting the mindset of, "OMG I'm not gonna have sex ever!", is not very productive. Is there a chance that you will never have sex? Yes, anything can happen. Is there a chance that you will have sex? Well, yes also. Are you going to die if you don't have sex/intimate connection? No. So why not let things play out? Take it day by day. I'm also single and I think that us single guys are proof that sex is indeed optional.