cordnoy wrote on 25 Jul 2016 06:06:

100% If I came off any differently than you just said it was not my intention. 

I would like to give over something that I recently came to. I had a really spiritual experience in which I came to be a grateful sex addict. As a result of a conversation I had with another member, who has since become my sponsor, I felt as if my heart broke into a thousand pieces, in a good way. I'm going through certain things in my life, which will not be discussed here, and I felt complete support and love and realization of growth from him. In turn, I was able to internalize it. Once I did, I realized how grateful I was to God, because without all the pain I went through my growth wouldn't have happened. So what I would like to give over is what I learnt about pain. My God loves me, he doesn't do anything harmful to me ever. Every single thing is for my benefit. Pain is no different. Pain isn't a negative situation that can be viewed positively. Pain is positive. Because from pain comes growth. I would have never came to SA if not for the pain of living a double life. And I'm am so much better because of the 12 steps. Without that pain I would never have the relationships I have today, with people whom are truly special. My relapse came out of nowhere. I was struggling with accepting God's will as to why it happened. But now I know. God needed me to reevaluate my life, to truly find who I am. And I'm happier than ever in my life. I'm still finding me, and it's going to take a while, but the rewards are tremendous. There is pain within that, already now, but it's healthy and good for me. If not for my relapse, I would be in a very different place right now. So I'm grateful God had me relapse and I'm grateful God made me who I am, sex addict and all.

First I say welcome back! It is great to hear you now doing much better. 

I want to say I do not think it is okay to break shabbos for call sponsor, because it is not issue of pikuach nefesh. But ask your rov he may not be mamash makpid 

Thank you for the warm welcome. The topic of breaking shabbos is for a Rav and not here. In terms of Pikuach Nefesh, there are those, like me, for whom it is. Last time I masturbated I relapsed for a month and could have easily died or got sick. But I will not be commenting on Halacha anymore. 

ehrliche.bochur wrote:

The Rav may be mamash mapkid that he should break shabbos. EB perhaps you don't understand, but that's fine

Some might post on Shabbos as well.

cordnoy wrote on 04 Aug 2016 12:35:


And some might watch porn on Shabbos because otherwise they will go to a bad neighborhood to find a prostitute and you can get killed there.

Sex addiction is terrible, destructive, and can get you into a whole lot of trouble, and I'm sure that in rare cases is even responsible for death by suicide, disease, etc. but the question is so technically complicated- both in terms of the reality of one's addiction and how that reality plays in Halacha- that for most people on the board, this is way out of their league and should really not be discussed here.

I also want to point out that from most people's own descriptions of their behavior that I've seen on this board, and b)seeing he admittedly disastrous results of certain falls, I still haven't seen basically any where it seems like it became a life threatening issue.

So someone can say that they could have gotten sick- but that wouldn't cut it. Someone can say that they could have had unprotected sex with people with diseases- perhaps, but that would still possibly go into the question of whether that was an imminent issue or a later result of a fall.

So I'd like to request- can we really leave this question for people asking their Rov and indeed, if they think it is really relevant to them, I'd encourage them to ask now before it's relevant and not violate Shabbos and ask afterwards?

Otherwise, it's, as we say, boich sevoros, many of which I can tell you just aren't true and don't hold up, and can be a michshol. If someone asks a question to their Rov based on their specific scenario, not much michshol can come out of that. (I'd also like to point out that there is a drastic difference between whether you would have to violate a Torah prohibition or a rabbinic prohibition. One possibly wouldn't need it to be life threatening if done in a different manner- but I digress bc I'm not your rabbi)

Welcome back Shlomo!! So good to see and hear from you!!  

Welcome back to Yudi as well.

Alright buds, I haven't updated here in a while. I'm not going to on GYE that much, but just wanted to talk a little bit. I'm in a really good place in life now. I have many jobs that I'm going to be working in. All of them are helping other people, from education through physical and mental health. God has definitely given me a gift. I'm also in a relationship which has taught me many things about communication and I have grown a lot from it. What I need to work on now is not getting ahead of myself and making sure to take care of myself and to respect my disease. I need to know that regardless of how successful I am, I will always be a sex addict. I need to go to meetings and make calls and work the steps. I'm grateful that I have the opportunity to do those things because they lead to a very fulfilling and open life. And I'm still only 20 years old and I have leadership roles and important positions; I can affect the life of others in a great way, which is awesome. Plus I'm taking 5 classes, phew! 

Peace Out.

Shlomo--

I haven't caught up with the entire thread, just read the last couple of posts.  But it sounds like you're doing pretty well!  I hope you continue to have hatzlachah.  Let us know, from time to time, how things are.

Markz wrote on 04 Aug 2016 12:10:

I understand that I thought this is frimme webpage. not one that promote mechalel shabbos

Sorry for mixing in, but I feel that things need be clear!
NO one is promoting chilul shabbos or permitting it !!!
like Hatzula may be michalel shabbos cause it's pikuach nefesh, for some addicts acting out can cause them and others to get sick of even worse, so for them it's pikuach nefesh.

doingtshuva wrote on 12 Sep 2016 09:47:


And I think we have to stop having this conversation on the site because it freaks out many people and most don't understand the nuances of when it may and may not be permitted, and because it can only be answered by a qualified posek.

From the conversations I've seen on this site including by many people who've said that of course you can call and have had drastic falls since and still lived to tell the tale, and in fact seem to be hovering around the same place, I think whatever heter there might be is probably a lot less relevant to most here than the conversation implies.

I think a stock answer of ask your posek is a good answer and leave it at that.

ehrliche.bochur wrote:

There's one thing we need to try promote, and that is understanding

Understanding that people are different

The issue of Shabbos or not is yes an important topic but not for most of gye guys I think. It's not a mute topic but cannot be bantered about by simple folks like me

Kedusha brought up the topic and it has its place... Probably not on this page

I don't understand Shlomos struggle. But I understand that he is working hard on his life on many levels

To think gye supports chilul Shabbos means you don't understand that there are others on this planet besides for yourself that have their struggles which are different to yours. 

Todays lesson:
understand that you don't understand everything