Fell. Just reporting. Cant think yet. 

So sad to hear,
would you care to share what you think made you fall?
Realsimcha, like you had the courage to report on your fall.
Now take a deep breath and take the courage and start your new count now.
best wishes

I might need to keep phone on.
Even the other two weeks of the month.

RS..I was in pain when I read your message. It hurts. I know it hurts. I've been there. Hope your mind clears up soon and you get back up soon. It's crazy how this ugly thing keeps coming back. 
We're in this together for the long haul. Keep us in the loop. 
And again... Hurting with you. Hazlacha. 

cordnoy wrote on 07 Jun 2016 16:14:

Yup. 

RS, I feel your pain and I can actually very much identify with you since I had a fall last week after a nearly 6 month streak. 
Obviously every person deals with it differently, but I've come to peace with the idea that I may not be done with this struggle permanently. What I do know is that I'm constantly working on it and am seeing progress and I therefore didn't let the fall get me down. 
The thing which I found most difficult was actually letting go of the shmutz after falling because I found it too sweet. Baruch Hashem I got shaken back to my senses and am on a roll once again. 
I hope you find the courage to pick yourself up and continue trucking away, with even greater strength than before! 

I've come to peace with the idea that I may am not done with this struggle permanently.

One word makes a world of a difference.

cordnoy wrote on 07 Jun 2016 19:07:

One letter. A-m vs M-A-Y. 

Hey RS, 
Sorry to hear,  great progress though. 

I don't know about you,  but for me it took a few days to get my bearings and decide what to do. 
So breathe easy and gather your wits.
No rush. 

This struggle is a tough SOB, no doubt. 
No shame in having a fall. 
Also,  No need to disclose the details,  but when you're ready, reach out, and I'm sure you'll get plenty of assistance moving forward. 

Keep in touch. 

Just chiming in to agree with everyone else. Great work so far, it's pretty rare to be permanently done after only a few tries.

Just learn what you can from the fall and move on.

FSKOT!

And I'm chiming in to be like ina.

And cause I still like all the great stuff I've seen on this thread.

And cause I still respect RS, and am rooting for you, however you decide to go forward.

Thanks all. I have been doing ok. Working on some other avenues of recovery now. Still checking the forums but a little distracted with my new steps. Thanks for your support. I could not have survived without you.

I like how you were logging recently 

Day 1:
Day 2:
Etc:

But
After shevuos we STOP counting, and start loving

markz wrote on 15 Jun 2016 03:38:

Start loving is fine

This is one of my favorite threads RS. Your posts are so sensible and to the point. 

I don't know if this is proper or not, but the fact that someone like you fell is encouraging for me.

There are some people who struggle with the fact that they will never be cured from this problem/addiction. While I do get frustrated sometimes, I'm actually comfortable knowing that there is nothing I could do to --or should even try to do-- other than just doing my best at every moment and respecting the fact that self-improvement is the lifelong avodah of a Yid. 

So as long as I'm genuinely trying to get better, if I mess up once in a while, it's not the end of the world. I have to do teshuvah of course, but as long as I'm continuing to work on myself, I'm in a good place.

I see in your fall this very point. You are genuinely growth-oriented, and your fall is a reminder that it is the long term that counts, for your life and for your relationship with Hashem.