Dov,
 those mareh mekomos and vorts are great.

Thanks so much for the deeply appreciated chizzuk.

And you could've written it shorter, I bet!

everchange wrote on 03 Jan 2017 20:23:


How does one know if he is being true to himself? Many of these made up connections are simply that.....something that one thought of and now has a connection.

everchange wrote on 03 Jan 2017 20:23:


I have no idea if you're being true to yourself. I suppose you are. I respect your thoughts, but if you come on a public site, prepare to defend your words. Saying that it is true because you say so is not a valid argument. And yes, I agree, mitzvos are good and aveiros are bad.

If I was rude, I apologize.

Markz wrote on 03 Jan 2017 20:27:

Mark, your second point was exactly my point. One who is stuck in his own thinking might be getting nowhere.

That was Dov's initial point as well. Once you are on your own, anything becomes fair game.

Trouble, 
Dov clarified for me where you were coming from 
and your intention in your post. I am the one who needs 
to be apologizing for misunderstanding your post. I 
didn't know that silly vorts like this one might offend 
people who are struggling and want real chizuk that 
will help them change - not a small thought on something 
"controversial."

My terminology of emet and sheker was not suited 
for my post. We are not malachim to be able to tell 
what is emet and what is sheker we can only try to 
tell what is good and what is bad. And even in that 
the yetser hara makes us get confused between the
two. Dov clarified this and now I understand why you 
want something from a sefer - bc then you know the 
straight path, what is really good according to chazal. 

Should I make a disclaimer next time if I make a post 
that is from my own macshava? should I not post it? I 
am left unanswered for now... 
If what I am saying fits in with chazal will it qualify to be 
post worthy? (Like my second post on this topic)
Maybe this problem only presents itself when it comes 
to lashonot? 

No hard feelings. 

everchange wrote on 04 Jan 2017 03:48:

Please continue to post to your heart's content. I wasn't offended at all. I'm not looking for chizuk in these threads and I didn't notice anything controversial about mitzvos vs. aveiros. Oh, and I'm not struggling now either. So, again, please post whatever you feel like; if I disagree with it, I will probably let you know. I will try to do so politely. Thanks.

I see Trouble is having a hard time living up to his username...

I thought you wanna make trouble?

For a paltry $5000 donation to gye I can tell you very simply how to lock any thread so no one can reply - I discovered this sobriety knockout tool #21 ages ago

So if you ever need, please ask admin permission, give them your creditcard info, and then give me a buzz

Until then....

KUTGW


















Keep Up Trouble Growing up Wild






But you're not the only wild guy here

Question is, what's been working for you recently to get the wilderness under control?

Is the Beis Hamidrash section only for Torah thoughts that have 
to do with lust, etc. or can any Torah thoughts (mashalim) be shared on it? 
I was just wondering...

I read something in Duties of the Heart today that fits in with what Dov always says. 
In the third chapter the author gives seven reasons to why coming to the recognition 
of Hashem is better when it is reached through sechel then when it is reached through 
the Torah. (Of course, Torah will lead to the latter.) I will only be giving the seventh reason:
והשביעי כי העבודה כשהיא מן התורה בלבד אין אדם בטוח בעצמו שלא יכשל בה כי כח התאוה אורב לה ומצפה העתות שהוא מתעלם ממנה אבל העבודה שהיא מהערת השכל בטוח הוא מהכשל בה ומחטוא כי הנפש אינה נמשכת אליה אלא לאחר המית תאות הגופות והגברת השכל עליה ושמושו בה כחפצו ורצונו ועל כן היא עבודה מובטחת מהכשל בה ובעלה שמור מן החטא כמ"ש הכתוב(משלי יב) לא יאונה לצדיק כל און.
A person has to come to an internal recognition that he does not want to look at women 
any longer. This is because he himself doesn't want to and not because the Torah tells 
him not to. When a person himself wants to look but refrains because the Torah says not 
to then it is possible for him to fall to the yester hara because of his lust. But once you kill 
the desire and the intellect overpowers it then he can rest assured that he will not come 
to sin. 
I heard a nice Mashal that might fit well with what we just said: 
Donkey says to Bilaam, "Have I not always been there for you. Have I ever steered
you the wrong direction, etc."
The donkey is giving us mussar. Has Hashem ever steered us off on a path that
wasn't truly good for us. Why do we rebel and have doubts against Hashem? 
After Bilaam sees the angel he bows down and says chatati. 
Mashal: A person gets a ticket and when the cop asks him, "Didn't you see the
red light" he responds, "I did, I just didn't see you!" Bilaam missed the rebuke of
the donkey and thought his sin (that he hit the donkey - lack of emuna) was that
he didn't see the malach of Hashem. 
When we are faced with lust challenges we sometimes convince ourselves to do 
the sin and enjoy the pleasure. When we see the gravity of the sin we just committed
we scream out to Hashem in Teshuva that we are sorry for doing this grave sin. We
don't realize that our real problem was that we didn't come to the self-recognition that 
this act is not something I want to do or even think about. Instead we think it's wrong 
because Chazal (or professors, doctors, etc.) told us it is and that is not good for us. 
We can only fight the battle correctly if we ourselves internally accept and come to 
the conclusion that we don't want to do this any longer.
Avraham avinu came to the realization of a creator through his own intellect, which was 
one of the things that made him so great and a reason why he was willing to sacrifice 
his precious son no questions asked - bc he conquered his yetser hara of having doubts 
in Hashem. 
If anyone would like to add or make clarifications you are welcomed. 
(I am not the best at writing clearly)

Here is an amazing article on Hannukka I had to share although it 
has nothing to do with shmuts. 
www.ou.org/jewish_action/11/2013/the-winter-solstice-chanukah-and-the-darkest-point-of-light/

Why should the desire of looking at women be different than the desire of eating pig?

I am sure this question has been addressed many times by people who are more suited than I. In my opinion, the desire for women is much different than the desire for pig because they are two different acts. Pig is an act of eating. When it comes to eating it is easy to a) separate yourself from the forbiden food and b) replace that desire with a kosher food. Sadly, it's not that easy for the desire of looking at women. Every where you go you will be tested and there isn't another desire (unless you are married) that might be able to replace it. I am sure there are people who can answer your question much better but for now I am just scratching the surface. This is a good discussion topic. 

chevra
i empathize with everyone here for going through the suffering, not knowing at times that they were even suffering, and at least taking the steps to read the important things here to try and get themselves to a point of being on the path to recovery.
i have spent too much of my life caught up in my own lustful pitfalls to even realize how precious the life, family, and gift hashem gave us is.  with help from others (including dov who reached out to me) it has been helpful, but far from over.

regarding the last few comments here- i don't feel i have the authority to offer suggestions, so I'll just point to the works i have read or am reading.
sefer - zos brisi chofetz chaim and rav kanievzky (zya) both say the impetus of the yetzer harah is what makes the feelings and sensation, and ultimate reward that much more special.  the lowest level of desire, which if allowed to run its' course, will bring us down each and every time we allow it to, will life us up to the highest of the high if we can resist it.
the urge to look at indecent women, (and think lustful thoughts) will only lead to sin, and bring self doubt to ourselves.  however, resisting the urges (Rav aharon roth says catching yourself if thoughts are leading up to a thought, actions will lead up to an act, or even about to press enter on the keyboard if you are about to browse to something improper, and resisting the urge to carry out the act that could bring you down, is a special time to daven for something you want/need as hashem is so proud of you at that special moment)
the desire for arayos and improper images is so great becuase the yetzer harah knows how low they can bring you down...

but resisting it is so great, it can merrit (according to rav roth as quoted in sefer zos brisi) the granting of your tefilah.  I personally have found my tefilos being more towards requesting my wife's attention, or keeping me clean and on path, as those are things I seem to want the most now.  however everyone can tap into it for what works for them.
i feel this sefer is exceptionaly clear and forward (available in both english and hebrew) as well as one of the shiurim by rav lopian on matters of kedushah hosted here on gye website.

stay strong everyone- hashem is proud of us when we are, and even if we fail, we are never too far away that hashem won't want us back and accept us if we are sincere with our actions. 
i love everyone of you for trying to get on course with your lives, and you give me chizzuk for tyring.  hashem should help us all keep our efforts focused and on course to return to him.

The word vahochel means I WILL again eat (by chait of Adam Harehshon)
I would AT THIS POINT  prefer the world be created so I can indulge in hedonistic immorality (with some breaks of course )

drive.google.com/open?id=1wLgSoJemzy0AdIsxkFa3zuoU1UpL4_Fl