Hashivalisesonyishecho wrote:

...The Artscroll footnotes quote R' Yaakov Kamenetzky zt"l that both Avrohom and Yaakov had to overcome their natural middos during their lifetime, but Yitzchok did not. In order for Klal Yisroel to merit the final Geulah, we need the zechus of Yitzchok overcoming his middah of gevurah.

As a side note, there are other mefarshim who learn that Yitzchok overcame his middah of Gevurah by having rachmonus on Esav...

In Rabbi Frand's Shiur last night, he quoted the Tzror HaMor who quoted a Medrash that says that when the wife of Potifar was seducing Yoseph, he was trying to say no. Finally she was able to convince him to say, "Ok not today, but tomorrow". Yoseph agreed, which ultimately saved him from this test.

This is a powerful lesson for us. When attacked with lust that feels so much stronger than us, we can tell ourselves that we'll give in, just NOT TODAY. Often we'll find that tomorrow we'll feel stronger. If not, we can again tell ourselves, JUST NOT TODAY
guardureyes.com/GUE/GUEList/GUEList19

The day I get to 90 days wont be my main marker. At that point I'll say העבר אין. What will be tomorrow? Who cares? העתיד עדיין.
My concern is for today... But I give up. I surrender it all to Gd.
Therefore דאגה מנין. Serious

An Addicts Al Hanissim, by YVY

G-d, I don't thank You enough, but at this time of Chanuka I'm given the opportunity to focus on all that I owe as a member of the Jewish people, and as one who has been blessed with Your miracles and continues to be blessed every day. I'm indebted to You for redeeming me from the dreadful life I lived, the emptiness, the loneliness of one held prisoner by a merciless, senseless captor. Thank You for revealing Your infinite power to me - I really needed it; I was and I still remain powerless. You saved me from definite destruction, from sinking lower and lower into my lust. You fought my battles, because I could no longer fight. You did this for our Fathers at this time of year, and I recognize this time of year as one best suited for recognizing that all my success comes from only You.

In the days of Matisyahu and his family, when the threat of the dominant culture was eating away at our deep, long standing, relationship, throwing our people into darkness, forgetting our humble submission to Your will as expressed in the Torah You gave us, driving us away from living according to Your plans, plans we had committed ourselves to, whether we understood them or not. We had this essential humility before we were overtaken by the drives to escape into the self-centered pleasures and beauty of the world around us, to replace Your plans with our fancy. We took charge. We used to crave only You, and we turned to other sources of pleasure, dark and artificial, unfulfilling and selfish.

And You, You never gave up on us. In Your great kindness, Your real feelings of mercy for us, You stood up, revealed your Awesome Wonders when we were entrenched in the narrow quarters of helplessness and isolation, our corrupt design for living. We could no longer fight - now You would fight. We couldn't reverse the damage that was done, but You could. We were weak, we are weak, we came to understand that then. When that became real to us, You quickly subdued the mighty insurmountable forces we had been fighting for years. There were so many battles, we had dug ourselves so deep, but you handed that to us too. We were drawn to so much impurity, buried in so much dirt, soiled, but You showed us we could be pure if we would only let You fight for us. Evil ones, those who were out to destroy us unmercilessly, unforgivingly, disappeared in the face of those who chose Your righteous path, those who submitted, and committed, themselves to working towards the fulfillment of only Your will.

An You thereby made for Yourself a great and holy name in the world. You made it known that miracles are ready for us when we're ready to see them and live with them. You saved Your people, You renewed the deep bond we always had, You brought redemption - ah... the relief I can and do experience today, and every day.

After our relationship was rekindled, Your precious children, recognizing the love their Father in heaven continues to have for them, came back home. They devoted themselves to clean up their side of the street, take actions to remove all resentments and false medications for pains that drew them away from You. They brought purity to Your home, understanding Your home is holy, our relationship with You is intimate and profound, and turning from You is unthinkable. They did not just recognize your love, but they took definite steps to kindle the relationship, to shine the light of their new clarity living in Your presence, in Your home. They established 8 days to focus on Your kindness then, and always, to devote to thanking You, recognizing Your infinite power to continually draw them from the ever present darkness. They take those 8 days with them throughout the year and their lives, never forgetting where they once were and the infinite light they continue to ignite and kindle.

CHIZUK FROM CHANUKA:

The miracle of the oil, was that there was only a little bit of untainted, pure oil left - only enough for 1 day, but Hashem made it last for 8 days.

Sometimes, we dont have a lot of strength in us, we feel we can only remain clean for a short while, we dont have it in us for the long haul. If we dedicate our short time clean to Hashem and say, 'this is as much as I can do, please keep me clean', He is surely able to repeat the miracle and give us the ability to remain clean for much longer!

[
[size=4]This Gemara is astounding!
If my understanding is correct, the heilige Gemara that I love so dearly, is teaching a profound lesson - that Gemara Tavlin is not the solution to all Yetzer Hara's, even if you are the Godol hador. [/size]

bardichev wrote on 18 Jun 2009 19:37:


Holy Bardichev,

I don't remmember learning specifically on the subject but in the spirit of the Gemorah Shabbos Kuf Yud Ches Amud Bais where Reb Yosi states "In my days I never transgressed the words of my friends. I know that I am not a kohen, but if my friends asked me to go up and Duchen (say the priestly blessings), I will go" Bezres Hashem here are my thoughts:

1. It says in the Tanya in Likutai Amurim Perek Bais, our Neshamos are a Chelek Elokai Mema'al Mamish, meaning we are totally connected with Hashem. Therefore, from a practical standpoint, Hakodosh Baruch Hu made us inseparable with him under all circumstances - even when we are steeped in Tumah. To add something that is very relevant to us, since Hashem is the only "Ani",the less we feel our "Ani" and give over ourselves to his mercy, the more he will be shochain Bisochainu - helping us with our struggles. This reminds me of a story I heard from my Tanya Rebbi. There was a Talmud Chacham recluse who was also a Baal Gaava that went to visit (I think) the Baal Shem Tov. As he was walking into his study, he heard the Baal Shem Tov say, Im Yisaser Ish Bmistarim V'ani - Lo Yireno Nium Hashem. The poshut pshat of this posik means that "if someone hides in hidden places does he not think that Hashem will see him? The Baal Shem Tov changed the meaning to "If someone hides and he is a Baal Gaava, (Ani), then Hashem will not see him. The Talmd Chacham got the message and worked on himself and came back 3 years later. As he was walking into the study the Baal Shem Tov said "Im Yisaser Ish Bmistarim V'ani Lo - Yireno Nium Hashem. This means that if a person nullifies himself before Hashem, then it will result that the countenance of Hashem will shine upon him.

2. I don't remmember if he quoted this posuk but Horav Moshe Wolfson said that the Yom Tov of Chanukah symbolizes
the posuk of Hashochen ...Bsoch Tumasam. Consider this, in Torah literature, "light" symbolizes Kedusha and "dark" symolizes Tumah. "Right" symbolizes Kedusha and "left" symbolizes Tumah. Higher than 10 Tefachim from the ground Symbolizes Kedusha and lower then 10 Tefachim symolizes Tumah. The Reshus Hayachid symbolizes Kedusha and the Reshus Horabim Symbolizes Tumah. (Taking a line from Holy Barditchiv, if you are driving then pull over). Chanukah is the letters Kohen Ches, meaning every yid is a Kohen for eight days. From the aformentioned, we learn that we become Kohanim and light the menorah (ideally) outside our houses in the reshus harabim, on the left side, under 10 tefachim, during the longest nights of the year during Chodesh Teves. During Chanukah, Hashem visits us in the depths of our Tumah and helps light the fire in our hearts.

3. We are Hashem's children. We might be in golus and sometimes doing all the wrong things, but Hashem our tatte in himel will never forsake us no matter how much we dirty ourselves. Because a normal father, even if he sends his son away from him as a result of his transgressions, will always be there looking after him. How much more so our tatte bechina of Havaya, will always be there for us.

Pintele Yid

I want to address two more issues.

1) Any approach that you take is going to have to involve a serious investment. (Including time, emotional energy etc.) The only way one would invest so heavily, is if he feels that his situation is desperate enough to warrant such an investment.

So one may feel, that speaking about the great nachas ru'ach that your efforts give Hashem etc., can be harmful to the addict - making him feel that it's okay that he's addicted and he doesn't need to do anything major about it.

Here again I feel very strongly that balance is in order. Every addict must know (most people that come here know this already) that if he doesn't take very serious action, the addiction is liable to totally destroy his life in this world and the next. Being so completely involved in taivoh, is by far the greatest threat to any Jew. Of-course we can go on about this all day and not get to the end of it.

But it's also very important to know that the situation that you find yourself in, is not c'v a mistake or a stroke of bad luck. You must know that Hashem put you there for a reason. Just like a commando soldier that is secretly working within enemy territory; although your situation is extremely dangerous, at the same time it helps to know that if Hashem sent you there, it means He believes in you! [The overwhelming majority of strugglers have a huge self-image problem and it is [b]crucial [/b] for them to know what Hashem really thinks of them.]

And if you care enough to DO something about it, then you ought to know what your efforts mean to Hashem. You must know that your situation is only as desperate as you let it be. Because if you take action, you will succeed.

And of-course you also need to know that if c'v you find yourself in a situation that is impossible for you, then every bif of effort and every bit of not falling (even if one fell partially) is a tremendous accomplishment. Not only does it give a great nachas ruach to Hashem, but it also merits you more siyata diShmaya in the future and brings you a step closer to holiness.

2) Some people are under the impression that the Torah approach is that the battle must be fought with "white-knuckling". This is as far from the truth as you can get. We were always taught "bitachbula taaseh milchama" don't fight the y'h head on. That's why we must avoid temptation as much as we can.

Furthermore, when dealing with lust-addiction, it's blatantly obvious that you can't stop while being connected to taivoh - which is synonymous with being distant from Hashem. You need to make an about face and direct your life towards Hashem instead of away from Him.

Personally I'm sure that if one let's himself remain the same old baal-taivoh that he was and just tries to use brute-force to stop himself from sinning, it won't work! At least that was my experience.

But whatever situation you find yourself in, you always have to do what you can. That might mean turning your head away each time it turns itself towards pritzus even if you have to do it a thousand times in a row. It might mean stopping yourself even after you let loose. It might mean forcing yourself to think when your taivoh is not letting you.

It's important to know that every effort that you put in -whether it's white knuckling or otherwise- is a tremendous accomplishment and a tremendous investment.

I have been hearing a lot about "surrendering out lust to god" or something like that. i would like to learn what this means can anyone offer me some direction where to go?
thank you in advance.
I have also seen some people say things like "god this lust is too strong for me please take it away" this is something i dont understand if Hashem gives us a problem like this surly He wants us to become better people through it not that we should just beg Him to take it away that would be a little pointless?

#12: Asking Hashem to take it away -
A few days ago, I was having a really tough time controlling my thoughts. Out of desperation, I thought to myself, "There are guys on GYE who say that they just ask Hashem to 'take away the lust,' and they say that it works. Why not give it a shot?"
I didn't verbalize it, there were people around, I just thought it: Hashem, I'm having a difficult time with these thoughts. Please take them away from me.
Poof! They disappeared immediately.
Why does this work?
I think the answer is that when we're asking Hashem to help us through it, we are forcing ourselves to think about Him, even if it's on the most basic level. Intrinsically we know that these desires are all about making ourselves feel good, throwing Hashem and all other victims to the sidelines. If I believe in Hashem enough to ask Him to help me through a hard time, I'm putting Him at the center of it all and then there's no room for entertaining such thoughts and desires.
May we all have the strength to keep Hashem at the center of our lives and ask Him for help when we need it.

PARSHAS VAYIGASH

'kamoh yemei sh'nei chayecho' Pharoh asked Yaakov avinu - how many are the days of the years of your life. Rav shimshon raphoel hirsch says that pharoh understood the importance of each individual day. He was therefore asking yaakov, how have you utilised each day? how many days really counted, to which yaakov, in his anivus answered, little and nothing compared to my forefathers. ( i know this doesnt fit with the chazal about yaakov losing 33 years of his life coz he shouldnt have complained but rav sr'h knew a lot more than i do!).

we can apply that here. Each day counts, that means if i messed up yesterday - so what? today is a new day and conversely if yesterday was great, that doesnt mean today is gonna be good as well - in other words, each day has its own unique potential and thats the way we should live life as well as recovery - ONE DAY AT A TIME!!

markz wrote:


According to this perspective what is then the source of our addiction? Why are some people addicted and others not? These people, who you assume can talk to a woman without fantasizing, I can't imagine the 12 steps just came naturally to them. So what's their secret?

Unless you know otherwise I would actually disagree with your premise. Chaza"l say that "Gezel v'Arayos nafsho shel odom mechamdton" (translated: lust for money and sex are innate to the human soul). That seems to imply that everyone has a "chimud" for arayos. I think this is called "lust", no?

Why are some people addicted and others not?

Chaza"l say that "Gezel v'Arayos nafsho shel odom mechamdton". That seems to imply that everyone has a "chimud" for arayos. I think this is called "lust", no?