dreamyunicorn28 wrote on 05 Nov 2024 18:59:

Dear brother, dreamyunicorn in my humble opinion if I may, I think what odyosefchai is saying has nothing to do with feeling like a mensch.

What he's saying is that once your brain is rewired to have a mehalach and correct training on how to fight this great fight, THEN you can be a new person for good and IT DOESN'T TAKE LONG TO REWIRE YOUR BRAIN.

Having long streaks definitely make you feel like a mensch, but there's no mehalach so it's not really a mensch it's just holding onto a tightrope, vs when one rewires his brain he doesn't need to hold onto the tightrope he can just walk on top of it.

Sorry for my 2 cents just want you to get on top of the tightrope.

Keep it up and keep us posted 
With love akiva 

odyossefchai wrote on 05 Nov 2024 19:21:

I can barely type it up and you're suggesting me to verbalize it to a real listening ear?!?!? 

100%
Pick up the phone buddy

rebakiva wrote on 05 Nov 2024 19:23:

I get your point Reb Akiva

Hey R' unicorn! Don't worry if you don't feel ready to spill your guts to a live person, it took me a bit of time, and my story isn't so dramatic. You can certainly start by typing it up and posting it, don't worry, we've seen it all here. Here there's only hope and love. However, it's hard to explain the world of a difference talking to a real person makes; for me I can say, it's made all the difference. I wouldn't be at 100+ days if not for my friends who I'm in contact with almost daily. So, when you're ready, call someone here. It'll your best decision this year, I promise you. I highly recommend starting with HHM, he's the one who set us all on the right track. After that, make some real live friends, the type of which you've never had!

Rooting for you,
iwantlife

dreamyunicorn28 wrote on 05 Nov 2024 19:26:

iwantlife has a point. The only thing I'd say, dreamy brother, is that the pros on the site have a knack for getting you to open up. part of what separates the best mentors from the rest is that ability to make you feel comfortable and ready to share. If you are able, I'd suggest you call a mentor here and make up that you'll reveal a little bit. You may be surprised that in that same conversation you'll spill all the beans......

They know how to validate and make themselves vulnerable, which in turn empowers you to make yourself vulnerable......

With a ton of brotherly love,
Muttel

dreamyunicorn28 wrote on 05 Nov 2024 19:13:

Sharing just to share a cool story is pretty pointless.

Sharing to stop lying, hiding, and burying down in the bunker of shame is extraordinarily helpful.

I don't share every stupid thing I ever did - ain't nobody got patience to listen. What I did do once was the SA first step share, which is to write out your whole story from the very first sexual experience you had all the way to today (that doesn't mean sitting and counting every single time you masturbated. It means your story. You'll know it when it write it.) Just writing it out was helpful. Saying it over to a kind ear was even more helpful.

What I've done several times is said over the roshei perakim to people. That's helpful too, in order to dig out from the bunker o' shame. I've also shared whatever I needed to (whether in posts or on the phone) in order to get a weight off my chest, to get advice, or to sympathize with someone else. 

If it bothers you, sharing will probably help. In many ways, once you get over the initial hump it's easier to share with a real, kind, listening ear than to vomit a post onto the silent page. 

Whatever works for you. Don't overthink it.

chosemyshem wrote on 05 Nov 2024 20:49:

Thanks chosemyshem for your input. I just spoke to HHM over the phone and he managed to bust all my bubbles

Please share more details!! 

odyossefchai wrote on 05 Nov 2024 22:28:

How should I explain it...? All my fantasies and obsessions feel so real until you talk it out. He gave lots of food for thought  and a renewed sense of hope!

dreamyunicorn28 wrote on 05 Nov 2024 22:31:


Ok so now you have really started the journey. 

Please stay here and share more details as you go along. 
It will be inspirational to all of us to watch you ascend the ladder of greatness. 
One day, very soon, others will look up to you and you can share your knowledge and friendship with them! 

odyossefchai wrote on 05 Nov 2024 22:35:

I'm giving you the credit for pushing me to do it!

B"h another day of keeping clean. Last night I had a wedding and Bisyata Dishmaya I was able to not look around. I usually get very triggered at weddings. The ladies are dressed up and and the fragrances are all over the place, together with the music, food and disco lighting. But I was able to keep strong, and most importantly, not obsessing about it... I wasn't feeling like I'm fighting something.

May Hashem help me and all other Yiden here to have more and more successes in all areas of Kedusha

Trump's win is nothing compared to this. 

You are awesome my friend. 

In Yeshiva I was attracted to a Bocher who slept in my room. A few times I went over to his bed while he was sleeping and touched his penis causing him an erection, and run away when he started moving. One morning I found a note under my billow with a warning from this Bochur that if I do it once more he's going to report me. The shame was unimaginable and the guilt too. The Bochur was a real Tzadik - and still is 15 years later.

The first time I shared this story with anyone was yesterday, to HHM over the phone.

He advised to call up the person and ask Mechila. I dialed his phone number this morning but didn't get through yet. I'll let you know how it went and hopefully this will put me ahead in my journey to recovery