I’m trying to make a streak for myself of no porn- but every day that I have a victory (I’m at 12 right now!), the next day the urge gets stronger! It’s not out of control, but I’m finding myself wanting it more and more every day. 
help! Does anyone have any tips or have any experience with this?

imagibbor wrote on 11 Aug 2024 03:49:

Believe that you can do it

imagibbor wrote on 11 Aug 2024 03:49:

It's the YH being petrified of you! He can see he's  loosing. He knows that you're strong and he's simply scared you'll win so he's trying with all his remaining Koach to get you... 
Show him who's boss!!

May I ask about your mindset each day?
       I ask bc ito is extremely difficult to always think"Im never ever watching porn again" bc the y'h can use that by saying things like "oh, one more time won't hurt, but after that never again" 
I suggest, if you aren't already doing this, to use the method of "One Day At A Time". Tell yourself "today I am not watching porn".
      Don't focus on the forever bc we only have control over the now, and with control over the now we will accomplish our goals for the future.

Hey there Mr. Gibbor, congrats on the 12! Keep it up. You got this.

Our friend the wizard brought out a very important point. Focus on the ODAAT.

I'll add another nekuda, think about why you're doing this. What's your drive to stay away from the glittery badunga.
if you're crystal clear as to your why, and you have good reasons, keeping focused in that helps. At least Its helped me.

Lastly, id urge you to reach out and connect to others. I saw you wrote that you have a therapist you can talk to which is wonderful. Talking to some of the good chevra around here can be tremendous as well. 

Hope to continue seeing you around,
Hatzlacha on your journey.

That’s a great point! I always think that I’ll never watch again honestly. Then I’ll say to myself exactly what you said. Just one more time and that’s it! 
I’ve tried to take it one day at a time, but often my mind automatically goes to “forever”. How to I keep the ODAAT mindset?

Oy, imagibbor, I lost count of how many times I promised I'd never watch anything bad again!

For me, the key was speaking to Hashem Help Me (michelgelner@gmail.com) and maintaining an accountability program.

I'll share one more tip. Cut off all triggers to porn. If you're constantly triggered, aroused, erect (or partially erect), or some other version of lusting, it's very difficult to have sustained success. 

The key is to make sure you have no unfiltered devices, don't dream about lusting (PM me for tips to push away bad thoughts), and don't touch yourself unnecessarily. 

Here's wishing much sustained success to strike away our damned foe, forever!

With brotherly love,
Muttel

I will quote one of my previous posts on a different thread,

  "It's the idea that we don't have to worry about the future or even the past because we can't do anything about it, all we can do is something now, today. Once you realize that the challenge is only today and not tomorrow it makes the challenge a lot more feasible 
If you start to feel the Urges ask yourself/Hashem "Please just today, help me stay clean today!!" 
After a while you will realize that you've accumulated many days each individually.

Something to look forward to is how clean your mind feels after a while of not watching porn or actively trying to fantasies. It's so nice to not have to always have images pop-up in my head about things that are really disturbing."

When you start thinking about the future, remind yourself that just today and now I will stay clean.
     I also think about the future and I think it's very good to think about it so that we can remind ourselves of the goals we have. I wanna be a clean for my wife, my children, and my own peace/control of my mind. But we can't get lost in how the future is gonna be because we can't get there without being present and working on ourselves now.
A thought to keep in mind is that by focusing on now, we are accomplishing our future goals.
Of course all of this is a lot easier said than done but you've got this!!

imagibbor wrote on 11 Aug 2024 03:49:

Some really great insightful answers on this thread. I'll just add one point.

If you think that you need this stuff, so like a starving man you'll fast for a day or two (or 12). But eventually you'll need to eat.
You need to change your mindset.

You need to start feeling like you don't need lust to live. That you can live life on life's terms without escaping to lust. That sex is optional. However, you want to phrase it, if you're just holding on day by day eventually you'll explode. You need to change your mindset so it's not hanging on each day, it's thriving every day.

Waaaaay easier said than done.

Hatzlacha and keep on trucking!

Apologies if someone else posted this reply already, but i'm short on patients and read-through only the first half of replies.

LUST is this amazing thing, then as much as you hate acting on it, and regret acting on it, and promise not to act on it, and curse away how much time you wasted acting on it, and even break all your tablets and smartphone and laptop....

The next trigger than present itself will see your mind/willpower "wiped blank" and you won't see even 1 good reason to miss-out on an opportunity to lust/masterbate/worse...     That's the way this works.  

So stop "choosing" what you're going to do "in the heat of the moment" and know that this almost magical spell will be cast on your with the very next trigger.

Now, knowing this, read-up and learn tools that have helped the rest of us stay clean, even "under the spell".    Like calling real ppl from GYE/SA and speaking it out with them (connecting/bringing the lust out of the shadows), clearing your mind with 30-45 minutes of real excercise, or simply "fast forwarding" to the end of the "fun" and reminiscing exactly how it feels AFTER you shpritz (אמונות ודעות לרב סעידה גאון מאמר 10 פרק ז)

imagibbor wrote on 11 Aug 2024 14:25:

Hey, I can totally relate to what you said in your first post. the trying to stop as hard as you can and it just building up day after day untill the preassure is just to much. It's not fun (understatement of the year)
I just wanted to expound on the ODAAT from my experience.
[this is what worked for me, but it dosnt work for everyone]
For myself, telling myself that i'm not going to do it today and subconsciously thinking not tomorrow either just didn't work for me. I needed to know that I could do it again if needed, and if I couldn't, the preassure would start building.
Therefore, I would tell myself 'not today, but I can do it tomorrow.' specifically wording it so that I don't subconsciously focus on the forever. This helped relieve some of the preassure build up, and every day I would just retell myself that. (warning: I needed to retell myself every day, and if I didn't, I had an excuse that yesterday I didn't do it cause I said I would today and it's now today....)
The past is past, and the future has yet to come (and since I don;t know what it hold's,why worry about it now?), all I have to deal with is the present
I hoped that this helps you at least a little, and I think I speak for everyone here when I say that we are rooting for you.
Keep on trucking and never give up.
Wishing you much hatzlach,
Ezra W