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ADVICE NEEDED
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: ADVICE NEEDED 1322 Views

Re: ADVICE NEEDED 01 Dec 2020 20:59 #358032

  • jack123
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i have a problem.
im so used to wasting time doing non-productive things [to say the least] even if i stop the bad things i cant muster motivation to do anything productive, which obviously is a slippery slope.
any tips on getting up.. 
thanks
jack

העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכיך חיני [תהלים קי"ט]

Re: ADVICE NEEDED 01 Dec 2020 21:04 #358033

  • OivedElokim
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Doing one productive thing, as small as it may be, usually motivates you to do more.
Success breeds success.
מצוה גוררת מצוה
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
- Arthur Ashe
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

Re: ADVICE NEEDED 02 Dec 2020 02:48 #358058

  • Captain
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Try to do the smallest thing possible that you can do out of the productive things you want to do. Like the smallest part of the smallest thing.
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Great free resources:
My favorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation 
https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Change your attitude and change your life!

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: 
https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/

Re: ADVICE NEEDED 02 Dec 2020 07:43 #358088

  • Ish MiGrodno
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I totally relate to the "guilty-cuz-no-childhood-trauma-excuse" phenomenon. But it is soooooooo irrelevant, as your nisayon reflects the simple fact that you have a healthy body.

I have a promise (bracha?) from Hashem Help Me that I can stay clean this time....even after 100's of cycles. Although I am nothing in comparison to him, I humbly give you the very same bracha....

An optimistic attitude can will make all the difference!

ה׳ עמך גבור החיל! [שופטים ו׳ יב׳]

 Perhaps you can find chizuk from my thread at guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/356161-Intro 

Feel free to reach out to me at
jackz90dys@gmail.com

Re: ADVICE NEEDED 02 Dec 2020 07:49 #358090

  • wilnevergiveup
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Check out this thread I started recently, let me know if you can relate. 
Check out My thread  and The Truth

Daily Dose of Clarity

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: ADVICE NEEDED 02 Dec 2020 18:48 #358126

  • ColinColin
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Jack

You are confronted by a sexual urge.
There is nothing to say that one has to have trauma to make one want to fall.

The urge is natural.
Put there by Hashem to make you have children.

It is very common to fall once then fall again just after.
This is because the Yetzer Hara makes us fall, so that we feel shame and guilt.
So...how do we cope with that?
By seekign a quick fix, a high...we fall again!

Or by sayign toourselves, "We fell once, so what is the harm in fallign again?"

Or by thinking we have no hope, so we might as well fall.

I recommend taking things hour by hour.

Use mIndfulness when you have the urge...regard that urge as what it is, an urge, and ignore it.

You know that at some point in your life it will help you have children and be part of a marriage.
But for now, it is not what you want.

So let it go when it happens.

Do some activity that takes your mind off it.
And know that by doing that activity, the urge will return even stronger, because it is teasing you.

Keep acknowledging the urge, but not acting on it.

Then it will go away for a while.

Re: ADVICE NEEDED 02 Dec 2020 19:57 #358134

  • jack123
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ColinColin thanks for your words of inspiration.
sometimes the simple truth is suprisingly refreshing.
p.s. im married with kids!!!

העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכיך חיני [תהלים קי"ט]

Re: ADVICE NEEDED 03 Dec 2020 17:13 #358164

  • jack123
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3 days, 80 whole hours [granted i slept 20 of them!] it might look small to an outsider but for me its monumental. 
my current [mini] goal is one month clean, never done it since i started
thanks everyone, every post helps however insignificant you night think it is. i [and im sure everyone else too] dont need smart profound comments designed to impress, every small recogntion of another is appreciated.
so dont think twice about sounding good!
all the best 
jack 

העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכיך חיני [תהלים קי"ט]

Re: ADVICE NEEDED 03 Dec 2020 18:06 #358167

  • Grant400
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Amazing! Remember, one big goal of a month, but it's comprised of many small goals or ODAAT. (One day at a time).

Hatzlacha!

Re: ADVICE NEEDED 04 Dec 2020 00:48 #358184

  • Hashem Help Me
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jack, of course it is monumental. When i started out, i didn't believe it was humanly possible to hold back from acting out more than 2 days....... Be very proud of yourself. Keep reminding yourself "I don't need this!"
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: ADVICE NEEDED 05 Dec 2020 21:12 #358227

  • jack123
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5 days, pretty decent, feeling good about it.
now i need to mentally prepare for a fall which G-D forbid might spring up on me any day now.
חכם עיניו בראשו
please share any tips for that
thanks
jack

העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכיך חיני [תהלים קי"ט]

Re: ADVICE NEEDED 06 Dec 2020 04:50 #358243

  • wilnevergiveup
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jack123 wrote on 05 Dec 2020 21:12:
5 days, pretty decent, feeling good about it.
now i need to mentally prepare for a fall which G-D forbid might spring up on me any day now.
חכם עיניו בראשו
please share any tips for that
thanks
jack

Maybe start with changing that 30 day goal to a 7 day goal... 30 days is huge! Start small, we've got to climb this mountain, the helicopter is not working.

You can do 30 days, but not by focusing on it rather by climbing one day at a time.

The question you have to constantly ask yourself is, What will happen to me of I deprive myself of my "fix"? What is really going to happen to me?

In the moment, it feels like if I don't get it, the world is going to come to an end, you will die a painfully slow and horrible death and you will be haunted for all of time. 

But really take a moment to think, what actually happens when you say no. Yes, you have this urge, but then what? Ignore it, move on to something else and it's gone, no slow and horrible death, you will not be left at the side of the road begging for food with a tin cup because you are missing a vital nutrient to live. All in all, you can live a healthy (and significantly better) life without this garbage so let's focus in this reality.

Another thing, maybe read through @Starting's thread it will give you tremendous chizzuk and he just hit 90!

All the best,
Wilnevergiveup
Check out My thread  and The Truth

Daily Dose of Clarity

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: ADVICE NEEDED 06 Dec 2020 12:30 #358262

  • Hashem Help Me
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jack123 wrote on 05 Dec 2020 21:12:
5 days, pretty decent, feeling good about it.
now i need to mentally prepare for a fall which G-D forbid might spring up on me any day now.


Let's change that word "fall" to urge or nisayon. In response I would just say, there do not seem to be statistics of anyone dying from lack of sexual stimulation or activity. When an urge comes, accept it. "This is the way Hashem made me that from time to time I will have these desires, but I will not b'ezras Hashem act on them". In the beginning whenever I had an "overwhelming" urge, I picked up the phone and had a GYE chaver help me bust it. After a awhile BH I was able to do it myself. 
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: ADVICE NEEDED 07 Dec 2020 08:27 #358342

  • jack123
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7 days, one whole week!
lets keep on pushing!

העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכיך חיני [תהלים קי"ט]

Re: ADVICE NEEDED 07 Dec 2020 23:37 #358377

  • Hashem Help Me
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jack123 wrote on 07 Dec 2020 08:27:
7 days, one whole week!
lets keep on pushing!

Let's keep on living!
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE
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