I have been off this site for a long time (a mistake I know) one the hardest things for me is how do I go on knowing that I have done (and a lot) such a horrible sin. One that they gemra expands on in depth with harsh truths and days I am liable death from heavens. Is there a way of doing teshuva for this and how.  This feeling ends up getting me depressed and leads to me letting my guard down.  Please some one give me advice  

i am sure i dont have to tell you - that depression is not the way to go

Hey,

Welcome back. While it was a mistake not to come here in a while, it's great that you've mustered up the strength to come here now.
I would recommend not getting depressed about the whole thing, just move on and start make a sincere effort to be a better person. Other than davening sincerely,asking Hashem to forgive you, and changing some stuff in your life that it shows you're making a sincere effort to change and put your best foot forward, i'm not sure what else Hashem wants from you. All he wants (i believe) is to see you're making a genuine effort to be the best person you can be

all the best

Obviously, hanging around on this site could do wonders.
Just to play into your words, if you are liable to "death form heavens" why didnt he (almighty) do it already?
The obvious answer is he wants YOU alive!! hashem loves teshuva and yes of course there is teshuva for everything.
Also you should look around on this site where people like me have been where you are and some even further and they come around and are a source of chizzuk for those of us at the bottom, knowing that, shud give you hope

gma316 wrote on 18 Jul 2018 22:30:

Guilt can be a way to patch up your ego after you act out: "If I feel guilty about it I must be a good person."

See you around the forum!

gma316 wrote on 18 Jul 2018 22:30:

Welcome brother

Check this out :-)

guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/263919-tshuva