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How do you break out of something that is so deep?

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TOPIC: How do you break out of something that is so deep? 1379 Views

How do you break out of something that is so deep? 07 Mar 2017 10:18 #307637

ShmaYisroel
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BS"D

Sholom dear brothers (sounds probably a bit corny, but as for cliches how is this one?),

After many years of struggling the same struggle and thousands of times proclaiming that this has been really the last time that I did XYZ, I have come to the conclusion that I have been kidding myself for over 15 years. I always thought (even though I talked the talk and walked the walk) that someday I would get out of the mess I put myself in and then merrily walk on to greater and more important accomplishments. Life has bitterly shown that the only thing I did was growing older but not a bit wiser and definetly not if it is about the area of life which we might call: being in control of our animalistic urges. The question I like to pose though is. Given the history of my life, something that runs so deep. How do you channel this in the right way?
For crying out loud, I started touching myself in ways that are not proper at age five or six! Being by nature ADD-ish I have spend enormous amounts of time just doing that. Going for the short-time pleasures. Spending hours doing my homework for highschool because about every half an hour the urge to do XYZ resurfaced. I thank Hashem that in those days internet was just in its babyshoes otherwise I would never have finished highschool let alone enter the university.
University became a big enabler (1999) because it was there that I had internet on my fingers for the first time in my life. In other words I failed miserably there because of my urge the look for the unknown. I was skipping lectures and glewed to the screen I sucked up what I could suck up.
Then a few years of relative quiet came as I entered the Yeshiva and was free of the curse. I still was Moitze levataleh but it was less, much less.
Then I got married and my wife took an internet-related job. The problem started again and has been in full force for over ten years again.

Hashem Yishmereinu

Re: How do you break out of something that is so deep? 07 Mar 2017 11:46 #307638

Markz
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ShmaYisroel wrote on 31 Aug 2016 11:51:

BS"D

Sholom aleichem,
After a long hiatus I decided to try again and start posting again. Even though I wasnt a very regular poster on this forum I like to get reinvolved again. I like the post of Serenity on this topic very much, I could very much relate to it.
Even though I converted to Judaism 15 years ago, sometimes my Yetser Horah gives me the feeling that I would have wanted that the world would have been so much different. What can I tell you, Nireh Keheter! Rachmonah Litzlan. Atzas HaYetser. I have been falling and falling, even though I had been involved in pornography already for years, I thought I would be able to kick the habit once Jewish. But of course Yiras Shomayim doesnt come from wishful thinking. Already all those years I try to figure out what can give me those breaks. In public life a big Yiras Chayt, but the Hesach HaDaas is so big. Besayter?? Forget about it. All those years instead of going to kollel I went to a computer about twice a week. I never got the Geschmack that one is supposed to develop in Torah (still heavily leaning on the Artscroll Gemoreh and Mishnayos.
Anyways, this was not my private blog, so I will not elaborate here. I just wanted to say (or write for that matter) how much I appreciate verybodies honesty and openess. Hashem Yeracheim Olaynu that He Boruch Hu will have Rachmones with us and give us the controls that we need to keep ourselves in check.
Today I am on the third day of abstaining. Unfortunately that is already a record for the whole past year. Usually on the third day I throw the towel, see what will happen today....

All the best to all

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Re: How do you break out of something that is so deep? 07 Mar 2017 11:48 #307639

Singularity Current streak: 72 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder To write, or not to write? Posts: 1507 Karma: 78	Welcome! Now you've found us, your journey has just begun! Look around, read some articles, see our toolkit. Find the tools that work for you.
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Re: How do you break out of something that is so deep? 07 Mar 2017 12:34 #307648

cordnoy
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Welcome back,

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Re: How do you break out of something that is so deep? 07 Mar 2017 15:08 #307685

RaabosMachshovos OFFLINE Senior Boarder Posts: 52 Karma: 2	You're not alone Nothing is wrong with you... everyone struggles mightily with this... definitely a massive nisayon in our dor There are some great tools, like covenant eyes and filters that can help with internet at home Hatzlacha Rabbah!!!
	my thread

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