Knock knock,

Knock knock,

KNOCK KNOCK!

Damn!

Next....

cordnoy wrote on 26 Jan 2017 17:32:

Can't find the doorknob?

That's a pretty awesome post, Dov.
I thought you had given up on me, because you (or I) are "hung up" on the name 
my wife calls me. Want to know something CRAZY? I even asked her if she would
just call me Yosef, and she thought I was high. I'm actually smiling widely writing this!
We usually speak a different language, but I think I gained a lot from that post.
I AM obsessing about this and need to just live my life.
I'm going dancing tonight! 

ZZukt R Yisroel salanter (ohr yisrael a couple pages in from beginning), there are two parts to the yetzer hara and two parts to the yetzer tov. There is the element of a koach hatumah that is waging a war against us to try to get us to trip and fall which has corresponding to it the koach of kedusha that is there to try to influence us to do what's right. In other words these are external forces that are trying to influence us to go either way.

There is also a second element. That is the part of us that is attracted to gashmius and aveiros - our desires for it that are our physical body trying to connect with the gashmius of this world. Kineged that element of yetzer hara, there is the sechel which is drawn to good ... In other words, we ourselves have internally both these drives.

So, nachzor li'inyano shel ha'thread vihaforum, falling is not merely a giving in to an external force that tricked us or got us somehow to fall. Rather, it also is that we allowed our desires to lead us to wherever we fell.

In short, don't write off the fall as a result of an external force that was stronger than you and that really you want to not fall but the battle was too hard so you gave in. Rather, you fought the battle against yourself. You made yourself fall bc inside you wanted to fall. 

To be continued...

What I am looking for at this point is just a friendly, safe place to share my experiences
as I journey toward successfully breaking free from this terrible bad habit...
a place to receive encouragement to continue growing and pushing forward,
a place where people who share some idea of the difficulty of the nisayon I'm going through
are willing to hear me out and express their understanding and empathy,
and try to pick me up and support me, so that I don't give up and totally fail.
I'll work out the strategies/game plan on my own from now on, with the help of a live coach/success story.
---------------------
Enjoy this great dvar Torah from R. Yechiel Spero from a Sefer Emunah Bacharti:
"There is a difference between the term "Melacha" that we refer to when we talk about the 39 things that one is not allowed to do on shabbos, and the term "Avodah". Avodah, hard work is not forbidden. For instance, if one wanted or needed to schlep tables and chairs from the third floor to the first floor, it's entirely permissible, even though you are sweating and working hard. However, if one does a creative action, that is called a melacha and that is strictly forbidden on Shabbos. But that's when it comes to Shabbos.
Hashem, when He asks us to serve Him, it is not called melacha. It is called avodah. We strive to be "Avdei Hashem", we work on our avodas Hashem. Hashem does not need us to do creative things for Him. He doesn't demand of us to finish product. He doesn't necessitate that we do something that is called a melacha. We don't actually have to finish the job necessarily. All Hashem asks of us, is to be an Eved Hashem. To shvitz for the Ribono Shel Olam; to work hard at whatever we are dong. We might succeed, hopefully, we do. But even if we don't, it is still considered to very, very valued and very special in the eyes of Hakadosh Baruch Hu.
That should give us all great encouragement. Sometimes we feel, "C'mon who are we kidding. I am far from perfect". Hashem doesn't need you to be perfect. All He needs you to do is some avodas Hashem, to be His Eved Hashem. Halivay, if one day we can actually earn that incredible appellation."

Have a great day and a beautiful Shabbos.

(sorry for the "double post" this one was worth it)

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 27 Jan 2017 12:50:

Hi Yosef
Does that mean your quitting our group?

No, I don't plan on leaving the forums at all. I'm just crystal clear what I am going to be using them for:

What I am looking for at this point is just a friendly, safe place to share my experiences
as I journey toward successfully breaking free from this terrible bad habit...
a place to receive encouragement to continue growing and pushing forward,
a place where people who share some idea of the difficulty of the nisayon I'm going through
are willing to hear me out and express their understanding and empathy,
and try to pick me up and support me, so that I don't give up and totally fail.
I'll work out the strategies/game plan on my own from now on, with the help of a live coach/success story.

You left out the 6 previous lines, and only quoted the last one!

Feeling great today!

Thanks for clarifying. 

Sometimes people {inc. myself} want to help others from their own experience, whilst its a good thing when the person is in the same place of you {meaning - both are addicts, both are not - but got the same struggles}, but if the two are not on the same boat, the advise can clash, as an addict an a non-addict do not necessarily think along the same line.
(Addicts who are on the 12 Steps program - usually think along the same lines, even if they are up to different steps and/or have done different things).

OOn a non addiction related note, how is everyone doing in life in general?

Since this perfectly answers your question, Shua, I'm posting this here too, in addition to my thread:
I'm making a siyum today, B'ezras HaShem!!
I've been working hard on this for over a year now...starting and stopping and starting
and getting stuck and stopping and starting again and getting discouraged and starting
and getting distracted and picking myself up again and starting fresh and getting on a roll 
and continuing and getting behind and feeling discouraged and starting again strong and 
continuing and now finally finishing!
This is a HUGE deal and a lesson for life. Don't give up, and keep going until you succeed  !

No comments to Shua's post?
And no comments to my post?
(except for Quiet by email)
Guys, come one!

I have more to share, but if nobody is there
that's going to read and comment back, 
then what's the point?!

Incredible piece from Nesivas Shalom Parshas Bo (very abbreviated): if Hashem hardened Paroahs heart, why bother sending Moshe to warn him? It wasn't possible for Paroah to do Teshuva anyway! NS- we see in physical world people have strength within their natural abilities, but at certain times (e.g. when in danger) they realize they have superhuman Kochos they never knew they had. The same thing in ruchnius. A person regular Kochos & super Kochos which are hidden away inside him.   Someone can find themselves is the grip of the Yetzer hara where it's completely IMPOSSIBLE to succeed, but if he has emuna & calls to Hashem, Hashem can reveal those superhuman ruchnius Kochos in him to be able to be successful. 
True, b'derech hateva Paroah couldn't do teshuva, but Moshe was sent to him because Paroah could have tried to tap into the super Kochos and still do teshuva. 

To all those people from 196, check back in. Let's get this rolling again. Also, any new people reading this, if you want come join. And if your reading this and wondering if I'm crazy and really everybody in the group disappeared so what's the point, ain't true. We are in touch via email. But posting here is also important so I'm gonna try to get the ball rolling here.

So I'm back. I had ups and downs and now on a good streak. What works for me is that I have ADHD and that makes me very impulsive and curious. So I've committed to not doing anything online or in general because I'm curious. Instead of looking up anything random from why fish like worms (I mean fish are in water and worms are on the ground) to reading Trump's immigration executive order and cross referencing the sources to figure out if it should be illegal or not, I only do work.

This helps me bc I generally fall after getting distracted and more distracted and so on.

It's also helping me in that I  think that I'm being more productive in general. While I won't know till semester is over and I get grades, I think I'm on the right track.

Thanks Shua for putting 196 back on the charts! 
Ups and downs, highs and lows. Inspiration fades. Life goes on.