shua73 wrote on 16 Jan 2017 05:53:

AAnd to anyone who reads this post and thinks maybe that's me also. I just don't feel comfortable saying that or something else ... You probably are that guy and gotta man up and take responsibility for your own actions. If you want to be considered a non addict instead of an addict like so many people try to do than you are automatically responsible for your actions and you have to figure out what about you you can change to make yourself better. Not that this issue is easy to work on it just takes self honesty if there is such a term.

Rigorous honesty!

Thanks for the reality check. 

shua73 wrote on 13 Jan 2017 14:57:

It's a new game: Lust Squash.
The two red lines separate my circles (from SAA's "three circles" tool)
The top is my outer circle behaviours. All positive things that I can do and not sink into the abyss. Between the two lines is my middle circle behaviours. Those attitudes that warrant a "slip". Sure, they're not asur, but I can't start off with them, or else I'm OUT. (Check the rules of squash)
Below the bottom line are my inner circle behaviours. All about me. The urges, the rushes, and no considerations. Hell, if I hit there, I hear a CLANG, smashed back to reality. And then I'm OUT. Lost it.

Hi guys

I fell again yesterday, but this time its going to cost me a pretty penny £500 (still need to work it out, how to get it without my wife realising it...).

I think what triggered it was i was still numb and detached from myself since my fall last week, so i was very vulnerable emotionally.

Yesterday i found my cache file, that was full of porn pictures, from last week, and the struggle started...
i decided i'm going to delete it straight away, but as it had some files that couldn't i had to delete them inside the file...

But afterwards i felt i cant anymore, and i restored them and......

I was so broken afterwards, i felt my whole soberty / normal life is over.

So i gave myself some time, not detach myself, and i see the real battle has just started how can i give it up, so we are going back on it, with the Chizuk of you all, the fact that i did 41 days of active fighting (not slipping in and out), gives me Chizuk, after my fall last week it just made me more depressed, if after 41 days i couldnt keep myself, so how can i!, but now i think if i could do 41 days, i could surely do even more.

Still in middle of working on a new formula, but keeping the fight going.  and BE''H WE WILL SUCCEED.

LOL.

will Succeed Beh wrote on 16 Jan 2017 15:20:

500 quid!? QUID PRO QUO! Here you can buy a lot of things

FSKOT!!! Hitch a ride now!

Sorry to hear about fall.
 good to hear your attitude.
Will you be addin' any ammunition to your arsenal?

Not easy to get up after a fall, but you will succeed be"h!

Singularity wrote on 16 Jan 2017 15:32:

That 500 quid is because i didnt do any of the prevention methods on the TaPHSiC Shvua...

cordnoy wrote on 16 Jan 2017 15:44:

It took me some time to get back to myself (and it got better while typing my u/d).

I Changed my blocker to a filter (got 2 computers, the one that i found the loopholes used to have a block)
and want to get on the 12 Steps.

will Succeed Beh wrote on 16 Jan 2017 18:50:



Me likey 12 steps
Welcome aboard.

Is your shvuah over? Ie you made that t'nai that if you fall heavy knas, it's null and void going forward? No need to be insane and poor!

How can we get past this?
and not fall/fail...and hit 90 days and then 180 days and then 360 days?
It is possible to break free. But even after trying 34 different things and spending
a ton of time working on it, I still don't know how.
Change my personality? not likely. 
Change a middah? not likely...harder than learning all of Shas
Fight an emotion with an emotion...what does that entail doing?
Hard to see or feel how I'm any closer than before I started any of these 34 things,
enumerated on my 90-day thread.

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 17 Jan 2017 12:57:

Maybe you only need 12 things...

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 17 Jan 2017 12:57:

Might as well try. It's better than what you have currently, no?

Singularity wrote:

No, only 1!!

An insanity test

Cordnoy and me truly passed it with flying colors.

Markz wrote on 17 Jan 2017 13:58:

You're right. Only the truly insane would confuse subjects with objects