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TOPIC: Group 196 37215 Views

Re: Group 196 12 Dec 2016 13:29 #299697

Hbowman, I don't see that it says "current streak" at all by your name. Maybe consider joining the 90-day chart. I think it really helps. You wrote: Hi everyone! I was 15 days then had a fall.  I feel the longer I am clean the harder it is for me.  I can use all the support on this group!

I think that the longer a person is clean, the easier it will be to stay clean.
Once the smoker breaks his bad habit of smoking every single day,
he may still get an urge to smoke, but it will be far less intense.

I can use support and encouragement too. I am not formally signed up with this group,
but have a thread in the on my way to 90 days.

Re: Group 196 12 Dec 2016 14:27 #299706

  • cordnoy
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Hbowman wrote on 12 Dec 2016 00:52:
Hi everyone! I was 15 days then had a fall.  I feel the longer I am clean the harder it is for me.  I can use all the support on this group!

Some people do experience that.
This can happen when there is a strong concentration on the "fight," and not enough emphasis on growth.
Generally, there is a time (differs by each person) when it does get easier.

b'hatzlachah
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Re: Group 196 12 Dec 2016 15:42 #299716

  • will Succeed Beh
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Hi Chevreh how is your journey to Sanity going?

Im up to 12 days clean B''h, no porn viewing (not even trying to find loopholes in my filter) no masturbating,

But from the other side the last two days have been very hard on me in Shmiras Einayim on the street!!
Yes harder then not watching porn and not masturbating, just looking at the women (Heimishe!) passing by on the street, analysing there body shapes trying to enjoy it, in middle i start reminding myself just a min im on my way to recovery, i will not let these Nisyones carry me away... but its still a hard fight, but we are going on.

On the other side it pleases me that these are my Nisyones now, i always envied the people with regular Shmiras Einayim Nisyones,
Hashem should help the Nisyones shouldnt get harder only easier.

"דער וואס האט געהאלפן ביז אהער, וועט ווייטער העלפן מער און מער"
BE"H WE WILL ALL SUCCEED
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טאטע! אפילו איך שפיר זיך ווייט פון דיר, אוי אוי אוי
ווייס איך אז די ביסט נאנט צו מיר אזוי, אוי אוי אוי
מיט ליבשאפט ווי אן איינציג קינד, פון בענקשאפט א טרערעלע רינט
ואהבת עולם, אהבת עולם אהבתיך

Re: Group 196 12 Dec 2016 16:47 #299722

  • LifneiHashem
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I've had this experience of looking (or clicking) by rote before remembering that I'm actively working on myself, becoming a better person who doesn't do that stuff. 
thanks for the chizuk

Re: Group 196 12 Dec 2016 21:11 #299730

  • shua73
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Hey just to add to the conversation, I'm at 5 days now. I have found that it gets harder after a week. And at 2 weeks it gets significantly harder for me. However, I have not had this issue to the extent that I was acting out every day. Rather, most recently I had like two weeks and then falling and then a week of being clean and then falling. those were my most recent streaks. But having a group makes it easier as of now. I tend to slip a little than some more and so on until I actually fall. So this keeps me from getting to that first slip
smile

You can't make everyone happy, you are not pizza.

Re: Group 196 12 Dec 2016 22:05 #299732

will Succeed Beh wrote on 12 Dec 2016 15:42:

But from the other side the last two days have been very hard on me in Shmiras Einayim on the street!!
Yes harder then not watching porn and not masturbating, just looking at the women (Heimishe!) passing by on the street, analysing there body shapes trying to enjoy it, in middle i start reminding myself just a min im on my way to recovery, i will not let these Nisyones carry me away... but its still a hard fight, but we are going on.


I completely understand that struggle. I have that issue too. Its one thing not to seek out things on a computer, but sometimes its much harder not to look at something tempting that walks right in front of you. 

I saw an idea here that I find helpful for this (I would give proper recognition to the person that posted it, but I can't remember where I saw it). Keep track throughout the day how many times you are able to control yourself from taking a second look at a woman (or man) that catches your eye. Keep track of your "winning percentage", and see if you can make it better and better each day. I have been doing this for a bit now. I have some better days than others, but I do see that I have been getting better at resisting a second look with practice.

Hatzlacha

Re: Group 196 12 Dec 2016 22:13 #299733

shua73 wrote on 12 Dec 2016 21:11:
Hey just to add to the conversation, I'm at 5 days now. I have found that it gets harder after a week. And at 2 weeks it gets significantly harder for me. However, I have not had this issue to the extent that I was acting out every day. Rather, most recently I had like two weeks and then falling and then a week of being clean and then falling. those were my most recent streaks. But having a group makes it easier as of now. I tend to slip a little than some more and so on until I actually fall. So this keeps me from getting to that first slip

I have found your experience to be true for me as well. Whenever I tried to stop each successive day became harder than the previous. I fell so many times like this that I stopped bothering to even try, because why stress myself out with the fight and inevitable failure. This seems to happen to a lot of people that try to fight this struggle with the "white-knuckle" method, meaning just focusing on not giving in without actually using any tools and self improvement. Its sort of like holding your breath, you can practice over and over, And you might actually get pretty good at it, but eventually you will have to come up for air. 

Using many of the tools here has been much more helpful for me. I still have much further to go, but I no longer feel like a fish out of water (or a man under the water) while on this journey.

Re: Group 196 12 Dec 2016 22:22 #299734

  • shua73
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True. Like I wrote before personally I find the habitbull app to be motivational and helpful. Also, I have found that it's easier for me to work on it if I don't focus on it. That may sound counterintuitive but it's that I have ADHD and therefore I'm impulsive. So if i want something I have strong desire for that second which if I hold out it just goes away. And basically if I can just let it go away without focusing too much on it, I don't obsess over the desire and am fine. However, when I constantly think about not falling I eventually fall. Hope that makes it a little clearer.
smile

You can't make everyone happy, you are not pizza.

Re: Group 196 12 Dec 2016 22:29 #299735

  • shua73
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I just read some studies on ybop about the effect that porn has on your brain which were also helpful for me. I never knew the effect that it has not just on your feelings and ruchnius but that for example certain receptors in your brain that allow you to recall things from your memory get damaged when you view porn. There are lots of other medically documented side affects regarding brain function being impaired from porn viewing. Not just the issue of the desensitization but the ability of your brain to concentrate and function properly is affected even through nominal porn watching.
smile

You can't make everyone happy, you are not pizza.

Re: Group 196 12 Dec 2016 22:30 #299736

  • cordnoy
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Baruch_Hashem wrote on 12 Dec 2016 22:05:

will Succeed Beh wrote on 12 Dec 2016 15:42:

But from the other side the last two days have been very hard on me in Shmiras Einayim on the street!!
Yes harder then not watching porn and not masturbating, just looking at the women (Heimishe!) passing by on the street, analysing there body shapes trying to enjoy it, in middle i start reminding myself just a min im on my way to recovery, i will not let these Nisyones carry me away... but its still a hard fight, but we are going on.



I completely understand that struggle. I have that issue too. Its one thing not to seek out things on a computer, but sometimes its much harder not to look at something tempting that walks right in front of you. 

I saw an idea here that I find helpful for this (I would give proper recognition to the person that posted it, but I can't remember where I saw it). Keep track throughout the day how many times you are able to control yourself from taking a second look at a woman (or man) that catches your eye. Keep track of your "winning percentage", and see if you can make it better and better each day. I have been doing this for a bit now. I have some better days than others, but I do see that I have been getting better at resisting a second look with practice.

Hatzlacha

Yikes!

I remember when I did that and posted about it on the tryin' thread.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1Page 2Page 3Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
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Re: Group 196 12 Dec 2016 22:35 #299737

  • cordnoy
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cordnoy wrote on 02 Sep 2013 17:11:
I am a competitive guy by nature, and I have been finding that keeping score/track as to how many times and the percentages that I can avoid the "second look" has been helping greatly. it makes me very aware of what I am doing wrong/right. It might need to go in tandem with a serious commitment of improving, which is done like people say on this site, to open up to a live person what you are struggling with, to realize that if we are addicted, we are unable ourselves to overcome this yetzer, to seriously connect with God and His love for us, etc., and together with that, perhaps it will help.

I am now 48 for 70, and I think the last 20+ times that I had a tayvah to take that "second look," I was koveish. This helps me throughout the day. Later, I can say to myself, "Why would I want to go to that site, or to think of that image; I have been so clean, etc."

This has been working for me. To conclude, I have been majorly nichshal in this area, and I thought that I would never ever be good at it, but meanwhile, I am on a mehalech.

b'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1Page 2Page 3Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Group 196 12 Dec 2016 22:35 #299738

cordnoy wrote on 12 Dec 2016 22:30:

Baruch_Hashem wrote on 12 Dec 2016 22:05:

will Succeed Beh wrote on 12 Dec 2016 15:42:

But from the other side the last two days have been very hard on me in Shmiras Einayim on the street!!
Yes harder then not watching porn and not masturbating, just looking at the women (Heimishe!) passing by on the street, analysing there body shapes trying to enjoy it, in middle i start reminding myself just a min im on my way to recovery, i will not let these Nisyones carry me away... but its still a hard fight, but we are going on.





I completely understand that struggle. I have that issue too. Its one thing not to seek out things on a computer, but sometimes its much harder not to look at something tempting that walks right in front of you. 

I saw an idea here that I find helpful for this (I would give proper recognition to the person that posted it, but I can't remember where I saw it). Keep track throughout the day how many times you are able to control yourself from taking a second look at a woman (or man) that catches your eye. Keep track of your "winning percentage", and see if you can make it better and better each day. I have been doing this for a bit now. I have some better days than others, but I do see that I have been getting better at resisting a second look with practice.

Hatzlacha

Yikes!

I remember when I did that and posted about it on the tryin' thread.

That makes sense, I did go through a lot of your threads. If it was from you, thanks for the tip.

Edit: I refreshed and saw your follow up post. That was definitely what I saw earlier. Thanks for reposting.
Last Edit: 12 Dec 2016 22:37 by Baruch_Hashem.

Re: Group 196 12 Dec 2016 22:37 #299739

  • cordnoy
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Hey Mark!
hotdiggedydamn!
I got the quote to work from a different thread.

Thanks so much
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1Page 2Page 3Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Group 196 13 Dec 2016 02:51 #299750

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Your're welcome

I noticed your $%@#+&# characters aren't working.

But seeing as you're becoming a tech guy yourself I'm sure you know how to fix that 
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Re: Group 196 13 Dec 2016 02:55 #299751

  • LifneiHashem
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Mazel tov I'm celebrating day 100 today. I have another thread and not sure how to balance it with this one. For now I just posted the news on both. 
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