Bobcohen wrote on 10 Oct 2016 13:59:

Just download the GYE Handbook and start with that, one page at a time!

The biggest chochmah of this place is davka that it's not only for extreme cases.  The handbook was laid out with great thought, starting with the simplest tools that really EVERYONE should have, and it moves GRADUALLY to stronger measures.  It's sort of like, "you tried tool 1 and it wasn't enough, okay, so move on to tool 2 and see if that helps." And you can basically stop at whatever level is right for you.

That's what got me into recovery.  I started off getting the chizzuk E-mails, but I kept acting out (for some people they get a little chizzuk and that's all they need). So then I got active in the forum (I'm on a second gilgul here now, but a few years ago, under a different name, I was very active here). For some people, that's enough, but I still kept acting out, so then I joined the anonymous phone conferences.  That really helped--I had months at a time with clean streaks instead of just a few days or weeks.  But I still kept acting out, so I joined face-to-face 12-step meetings.  I've had a few falls with this, but they have been a year or two apart, and I think it was at times when I was easing up on my recovery efforts, or undergoing extreme difficulties in my life (it used to be that the slightest discomfort would send me running to act out).  So I think I'm at the right level now, as long as I take it seriously.  Baruch Hashem, I am not anywhere near needing those extreme tools at the back of the GYE handbook, which would mean to check myself into a mental treatment center or to chemically castrate myself for the sake of recovery.

Hatzlacha,

NL354

Hi Guys!

I guess an update is long overdue. The reason why I haven't been so active here lately is because I kind of graduated from GYE.
I discovered that reading the "dov quotes" from gibbor was more productive than just hanging around the forum. I then discovered that listening to the recordings of dov's 12 step introduction (and his yamim noraim speech- thanks Serenity) might be even more productive. Then I discovered that emailing dov was better than that. Then I discovered that calling dov was better than that. Then I discovered that meeting someone from SA was better than that. Then I discovered that going to SA was even better!
I hope you get the point, and I hope my discoveries continue...
I want to thank the guys here for being so helpful to me. 

Specifically,

Cordnoy
Bigmoish
Serenity
Gevura[ed.]
Markz
Gibbor120

AND
Anyone else should feel free to add their name to this list...

I love you all, and will try to continue checking in from time to time.

I'll leave you with one lesson a guy from SA taught me. 
"If you feel like acting out, pick up the phone in one hand and the White Book in the other

Ok guys the new year began and the posts keep rolling in

Please only put here outstanding original posts which have at least 2 "Thank You's"

There are many who come on to this site explaining why their situation is unique.

Join the club

I agree that we shouldn't push SA. I am guilty of having done that and I'm truly sorry. It does more harm than good.

Some aspects of SA on the other hand, like honesty, open-
Most of us come with preconceived ideas about what we want to achieve and how we want to achieve it. Only problem is, it isn't working. So we ask for advice. And we get it. And it makes us angry and defensive. We argue with the very people we asked to help us. It happens all the time, it certainly happened in my thread. Just look at how much I argued with Dov!

The truth will set you free. But first it will tick you off.

People come here for help and we ought to give it to them, sometimes at the expense of being argued with.

The thing is though, these concepts are crucial to recovery, whether you choose to go to SA, therapy or a Rav.

You have to be honest with your therapist / SA / your Rav.
You have to be open-minded to suggestions from your therapist / SA / your Rav.
You have to let go of porn in therapy / SA / conversations with your Rav.
You have to work on improving your relationships in therapy / SA / conversations with your Rav.
You have to learn to live life on life's terms in therapy / SA / conversations with your Rav.

GYE suggests 20 progressive tools, SA and therapy are both mentioned (way down the list, I might add) - guardyoureyes.com/the-gye-program/20-tools 

"serenity" post=301157 date=1482723945 catid=4

What works me is to just do this for today. "This" isn't just refraining from porn and masturbation. "This" is whatever actions I'm taking including and especially the positive things I do in my life. It's just what works for me and it may not work for others. For example if I say I'm going to go to minyan every day forever, I just won't go. Or of my baby (I'm past those days) is crying all night I just focus on what I have to do at that moment. I don't think about what of the baby cries tomorrow night.  I have a tendency to look at the big picture and try to figure out how things will play out. I can't always wrap my head around every outcome and this can lead me to feel restless, irritable and discontent. It also causes me to procrastinate and avoid doing things.

Maybe you can relate to some of that. Maybe you can't. That's what a big part of your journey through life is about, or I should say what mine has been about. Someone asked what the purpose of this forum is and what GYE is all about. I can't answer that because I'm not an insider here, but to me it's about people finding their place and learning about themselves. It's a place to open up a little and start exploring what makes you tick. It also has a lot of info and some very specific tools that will probably help the average the sinner to be better and maybe even remain porn and masturbation free. 

Hatzlacha

My tayere friend Yosef,
You seem to once again be getting very frustrated with the responses people are giving you. There seems to once again be a disconnect and misunderstanding going on. 
I have been watching and following your thread, becoming excited with your progress and sharing in your frustration over your pitfalls.
You seem to feel that you are doing plenty of work and putting actions into place to be able to stop falling and when people seem to be saying that you are not doing anything or the right things for recovery, it confuses, frustrates, and even angers you.

Therefore I would to point out some things.
There are many things that we try in order to get us to finally stop falling. Many of them are focused on the actual falling, the actual watching porn and masturbation. For example, tafsicks (or however the heck you spell it), filters, time restrictions, closing our eyes in the street as we bump into poles and buildings (and hopefully not women), pinching ourselves when we do something wrong and the list goes on and on. (There is probably at least one idea per poster on the forums)
The problem with all these things is that although they may be able to prevent us from acting out, as time goes on their influence and inspiration wane and eventually either they no longer work, stop being done, or our desires (or lust levels) raise up and overcome them.
And we fall again, and again. some work for hours, some for days, some for weeks and some longer. but they are all bound to fail at one point or another.

So you may ask, how is it that there are people that have long streaks of sobriety? How is it that there are people that come to GYE (or SA) and become sober forever one day at a time?

The way I see it, the answer is that the actions that these people take and the sacrifices that they go through, are on a different plane all together. These are the people that are not putting their time and efforts into stopping themselves from falling. They are not focusing on preventing themselves from getting into situations that are triggering and will ultimately lead them down the rabbit hole (I don't really know what that is or if it is just a GYE terminology. And since Cordnoy used the term once I can't google it as I have a kabala not to google anything i hear from Cords ) Yes they may be doing these things as well but it is not their focus. 

Their focus is on positive things. Learning how to live life properly. Learning how to live life in a way that doesn't lead us to porn, masturbation, or any other non healthy activities. 
They focus on the root of the issue, as we are won't to say "addiction is not the problem, it is the solution" The problem is the things that are causing us to want to escape, or to need to escape. the problem is what is happening inside our minds or our heart when we decide we need to sit down and watch streaming movies, or go on youtube, or watch porn. 
They focus on getting to know themselves better and understanding their emotions. How are they  feeling inside? Really feeling? honestly feeling? and then they try to figure out what is it that is causing those feelings. 
And once they can figure that out, then they are on their way to recovery for they now know where to focus their efforts and actions. By dealing with these main issues. honestly dealing with them because we can't trick ourselves. 
And by dealing with these underlying issues we were able to live life without having to escape from them, without having to ignore them, and that is recovery as i understand it. 
Yes sometimes we relapse and we forget to deal with life, but we have not fallen out of recovery because we are on the way to living life properly and healthily. 

When people tell you are not doing the right things for recovery, i believe this is what they meant. And this is the path that has worked for others and only this path has worked for them. To try to do something else and get sobriety is like driving on the other side of of the road in the wrong direction. You can make lomdus and chakiros fun heint biz morgen but at the end of the day you are going about things in a more difficult way and the chances of crashing before you get to your destination are very very high. 
I hope I have been able to shed some light and help you my dear friend. 
Una

MayanHamisgaber wrote on 31 Jan 2017 12:48:

1. Kodshim: Some are holy and don't need gye
2. Zevachim: Any addicts killed their YH?
3. Zera'im: most of us have done that
   Warning: Spoiler!
   mz"l
4. Nezikin: Dov is an expert
5. Nashim: Cordnoy is an expert.
6. Anashim: Ask Gevura or Shlomo
7. Moed: I like to party, do you?

Markz wrote on 31 Jan 2017 14:04:

uh that's 4 not 2  

MayanHamisgaber wrote on 01 Feb 2017 22:29:

I started with Masches Mashkim, so I lost count

But can I add ONE more and that will be it for now

Maseches Maskim: I am an ....

Or - leave me alone!!
I'm busy with
Maseches Kalla