I am content on my journey, but still making sure that i'm still on it and not letting it dissipate among feelings of sobriety (especially since i'm not sober)

However, as I was trying to focus on my recovery, I have pushed off my awareness of the struggles of others I know. But I realize that i must care about these people as well, so even though I will continue to focus on my recovery, I will ask if anyone has any ideas what i can do for these people.

My father has homosexual relations

My 12 year-old nephew has been using a loop hole on his smart phone to look at inappropriate images

​Any ideas?      

I assume you meant "relatives". 

12 is a bit young to be on GYE. Do his parents know? The earlier he can get guidance and support the better. 

I guess your right, they are my relatives.

I dont know if they are aware.. im assuming not. What do you suggest i do.

I assume your father you have no control over, although I would try "accidentally" land some SSA pamphlet in his mailbox...

Your nephew?
His parents are the ones youll know if you have a way with. The kid lives in their house, not yours

hatzlacha

shmirashachaim wrote on 06 Apr 2016 19:13:

hi.
is your father religious?
if not, does it bother him that he has these tendencies?
does he want/feel the need on any level to get help?
does he know that you know about what he does?
if yes, is he comfotable with you knowing?

now i am in no way shape or form qualified to give any advice or direction or even to voice an opinion on this, and i won't.
i will merely state that i would not understand how a secular person in a society that progressively believes in the normalization of homosexuality would/could accept that homosexuality is abnormal, let alone actually go and get help for it.
if this logic follows, the ramifications for your father and your role in it should follow as well.

Hello Chaim, ok this is a hard topic to discuss. I am going to make this as clean as possible.
First of all, your Nephew is at that age where his reproductive organ (how do i say this this with being triggering?? ok i'll say it.) his organ is getting bigger.  there I said it. And his hormones really spike when he see a girl.
I would talk his parents about this and try to get him on a medicine that will reduce his sexual drive and hormones.

Second of all, he is a young curious kid. Which is fine when it comes to robots,cars, social media, etc.
But with this, it'll slowly kill him and he probably will get depressed. Which I do not want. I was depressed there for a while. But when I stopped looking at "Adult Material" I was fine.  He should not depressed, instead he should be a happy kid playing with his friends and having fun. Again I encourage you to talk to his parents.

Please note: I am not a therapist. I am merely a concerned poster. I wish you luck.
 

shmulyz18 wrote on 07 Apr 2016 20:18:

Medicine to reduce his drives? No offense, but HUH?! Also if one watches porn it does not mean they are depressed.

That is mentioned in the handbook as a last resort, but that's what it is. It's not for 12 year olds going through normal puberty and curiosity. What he needs is love, guidance, and encouragement, not drugs. 

I feel very sad for you. I hope that one day your father will settle down and you will be able to be proud of him.

As far as your nephew is concerned, I don't agree that it is a given that his parents should be directly involved. Sometimes parents do not realize that they may not be equipped to handle problems like this themselves. I suggest you reach out to a Rov whom you trust and who knows the family.

This is pikuach nefoshos, and you really must take action, but to personally intervene without the guidance of a wise and experienced mentor such as a Rov might be over your head.

As far as your father is concerned, I will bli neder PM you

Hatzlocho

 

shmirashachaim wrote on 08 Apr 2016 02:56:

I can't even fathom what this situation would feel like if I was in it. I don't know how I would manage. That being said, something that has helped me in dealing with disturbing aspects of my life is the notion that other people are also sick. I don't mean sick in a bad way, sick like I am sick. I held people on such pedestals that when they didn't act accordingly it really affected my inner peace. My father is a very volatile person, I don't trust him at all. He can go from being really smooth and calm to uproariously anger in a matter if seconds. I am trying to view him as another sick person, to have rachmanus on him instead of anger and fear. He's also struggling.

Continuing on that theme, and this is actually my main point, is learning to "keep our side of the street clean." I have codependency up the wazoo and it is very hard for me not to "fix" others. My sponsor has told me, and I have heard countless times, that I have to do what is best for me. Not what is best for others, what is best for me. If I develop and become emotionally healthy, and I still want to help others, then I can. But not from a need-fulfilling place or if I want to come out looking good. It has to be completely about the other person. And even then, there are many situations in which I must sit back because involving myself would cause me and the other party stress. 

Hatzlacha.

Hi,
i just want to tell you how I feel for you. I cannot imagine how hard it must be in your situation. May HKB"H give you the strength and peace to triumph over all your challenges.!

IMHO,I think Gevura is on the money....but it is not easy ....
 

Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 08 Apr 2016 01:49:


Hi Gevura,  I totally agree with you but I was on drugs for my ADHD AND OCD. I was on the wrong kinds tho. I agree because Puberty is a part of growing up, and he is most likely fantasizing about woman. I am guilty of this myself. I Know that he needs guidance and his parents hopefully help him and encourage him  every day. If there is one thing I have learned on GYE, it is that YOU need to want  to change. His parents can ground him and beg and plead with him. to change. But he is the only capable of wanting change. 

Now it is not totally his fault, because he's at that age. and some of his "cool friends" have probably introduced him to P and M, and the other things. To sex in general. Which is meant only in a marriage.

Please do not get me wrong.
I Think his parents should help him.
They can give all the love and  Guidance in the world.  But then what? He may not want the help. It is up to him. With this I am turning down the road.  
 

That's why i said love and guidance not discipline and punishment. That only breeds resistance and resentment. With proper gentle guidance and encouragement he can learn to want to be a better person. It takes time and it can be frustrating to parents who want to see results now, but it's worth it to get results that will hopefully make him a better person for life. 

Hatzlacha and good Shabbos!

ecstatic wrote on 08 Apr 2016 03:59:

Thanks. I actually know of a Rav they are close to. Don't know him personally, but maybe i'll make this embarrassing issue our first conversation.. I'll see