He has my vote. He definitely wins the "Most dedicated to GYE" award. 

The point you bring out is at the crux of the beginning of recovery for many of us. At a certain point it becomes to hard for us to keep acting out, lying, covering our trail, hiding, cheating and living a double life, etc. It becomes easier to live in a healthy way and put our energy into that. I got to the point where  had no energy to constantly live a double life. Which brings me back to my original point. If I help someone to get a reprieve just so they can go back to acting again after they have rested enough, am I really helping them.  Sometimes an addict has to fall on his face, before he really start to get better.

One of my short comings is that when a guy comes back on here with his stories about all the ways he acted out during his absence, what women he was flirting with, how close he came to the big thrill, and now he wants his big welcome back so he can make himself feel better (and rest up for the next exploit), I just want to vomit.  And I think that since I myself was in his position and even worse, I can tell him that. However I'll try to be somewhat of a mentsch and do on my thread where I feel (rightly or wrongly) that I have more license to express myself. 

On the other hand when I hear a guy (an addict) say "I give up on recovery" (and also not brag about his exploits) it gives me hope that he is starting recovery. Because he (I'm talking about addicts) has finally realized that he can't do it. 

I do everything I can for recovery, but I know it isn't me keeping me sober. 

#15

What do we need filters for anyway?

While a filter is obviously not foolproof, it is a wise idea even for techies who can get around it. It still makes it more difficult and puts at least a "heker" between us and porn.

I am considering removing the railing by my staircase. It should be my responsibility not to walk too close to the edge of the stairs, and I can always jump over the railing anyways if I really want to. Just sayin .

my $.02.

SG I locked the thread so only posts from the year 5776 would show
Its fairly easy to quote posts - I do on mobile

1) write the date code
2) delete the date code which is highlighted in blue
3) Click source. Copy it and paste it into the destination thread

It's always interesting to read about someone going through exactly what you yourself went through as a bachur. I hope it will helpful to you to know that I went through the same experience and I'm sure many others did as well. I used to put up notes, reminders and pictures of tzadikim. I would learn, daven, make resolutions etc and nothing helped. One thing I can say from my experience is that I and many of us as bachurim were very selfish self centered people. This is a concept that many people (who are in fact this way) will not accept about themselves, because they are otherwise good, caring and giving people. I was probably known as a very giving and helpful person and completely not selfish. The fact was (and still is when I don't work on it) that my motivations were instinctively selfish. I don't want to sound harsh but i see that very much in your comment. What I have learned is that the truth is that it doesn't really matter. What matters is how I act. And the first step is stop masturbating, because it is perhaps one of the single most selfish, self gratifying acts I can do. If I act selfishly, I will be selfish. I have to stop thinking about myself and what I want and what my will is and just focus on doing the next right thing.

The fact is that I was at a point (and to some extent may still be) that in my perfect world there is nothing wrong with maturbation; that it won't effect my wife, my learning, my davening, my attitudes, my spirituality, my choices, my children.  I wish I could watch porn three hours a day and masturbate and all would be well with my life.  I've come to accept that for me that is not possible. When I act out it ruins my life and I have no control over it, so therefore I can't do it. So how does a self gratifying person like me stop. I make stopping the single most important thing in my life and I put nothing in front of it. I ask God to help me and I put myself in his care. I take a moral inventory of my life and look at every upsetting thing and see what about myself is the factor in the upset. I discuss my inventory with another person, God and myself and then I turn my character defects over to God. I make amends to those I have wronged and I start helping others. It isn't about me anymore. 

Another thing that I must accept in order to stay sober is that sex is optional. I do not need it. I won't die or burst without it and I have the choice to do it or not. What I do need is to have a fulfilling life.

Dear Chaveirim,

..I am now, b'Ezras Hashem, seven years clean...

I am deeply grateful to the RBS"O, to Guard, and to the GYE community for helping me reach this point. To those whom I know from the forum and, especially, to those whom I've spoken to or met in person, your friendship means the world to me.

We should all continue to make progress and serve the RBS"O b'Kedusha, one day at a time!

...In response to someone on the forum who asked how I was able to remain clean for so long, I responded as follows: The bottom line is that I decided that, be"H, I would do whatever it takes to stay clean, one day at a time. Whether it's reading through the GYE Handbook, implementing the three-second-rule, participating in one of the phone conferences, posting on the forum, having an occasional live meeting with other GYE members, or using only properly filtered internet, I've done whatever it takes to stay clean, one day at a time, and I'm prepared, be"H, to continue to do whatever it takes.It's not always easy, but it does get easier over time.

 Hope this helps. Hatzlacha to you!

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