thanks613 wrote on 22 Mar 2016 05:17:
pischoshelmachat wrote on 21 Mar 2016 13:35:
So the medicine was bitter for only a few weeks and now it is sweet and enjoyable. I never want to trade it back for the life of misery and isolation of lust.
You were a big part of motivating me to finally take the frightening step of actually meeting with fellow addicts that I knew from my real life in person to do the work i need to in order to stay healthy.
Thank you!
A cooler full of sandwiches just in case
![](https://guardyoureyes.com/components/com_kunena/template/default/ckeditor/../images/emoticons/new/laughing.png)
. I'm still laughing, but I'll try to type anyways.
How do you find fellow addicts that you know from real life? We're pretty much all in hiding (even those of us that are not..) I'm not afraid to share my struggle generally with others - some details I keep under the rug, but generally I can be open, with a bit of coaxing maybe. Still, that doesn't mean I shout it to the world either. I mostly talk to friends about friend stuff, and to program guys about program guy stuff. But sometimes it sure would be nice to have someone who was both - knows me and my life and also someone who we can be level with each other and work together or discuss recovery stuff...
I am not suggesting this to anyone here, but you asked, so I will answer my part:
Since I determined that I am really an addict - a real addict, not just 'technically fitting the definition of an addict per GYE or a book' - I realized that my life was trashed till I got real help. And I was ready to get real help...finally. After years of bits and pieces of opening up...I was ready to really open up fully, explicitly, and totally vulnerably with real people. Real help is
not found 'between me and G-d' (as Rabban Yochanan ben Zakai taught his talmidim [who were tanno'im in training!], nobody but
nobody takes Hashem
nearly as seriously as he takes even the gentile total stranger who sees him standing nearby at a bus stop) but between me and real people. Dealing with real people are
totally different than 'working it out with Hashem', for us, and are totally different than
virtual people on a forum can ever be.
In my own case, I finally (after 20 years of acting out and running from myself to therapists, rabbis, marriage, etc., none of whom saved me) was suggested to try SA, a 12 step fellowship of people of all walks of life, who agree they are abnormal. That they are addicts. And they are anonymous to anyone outside the group. Safety, at last - even though I was totally vulnerable and open without hiding anything from these people...we were all brothers, and I was finally around many sober people. People who lived just as fake-ly as I had for years, but were now living without masturbating and without running after erotica. People who were actually clean
without a need to 'get their fill' from engorging themselves on 'kosher' sex with their wives, or on 'victim-less' fantasy.
I was amazed.
I was finally safe.
I was home.
It certainly is not for everybody - I have met many for whom it is not appropriate. But for me and many others I know, it is exactly how Hashem saved their lives and families, one day at a time.
So that's how I'd answer your question. You say you are an addict. I understand that walking into a room of fellow perverts may seem insane to you right now, but would you actually be willing to sit in an
AA (yes, I wrote AA) meeting with total strangers and introduce yourself as "Hi, I'm (your real first name [not your username] here) and I am an addict."? I am not daring you to do it. I am not baiting or even challenging you. I am just asking.
If doing such a thing is
way out of your league and sounds pretty extreme or crazy, or if the butterflies in your stomach feel like they'd ripo you open like a hatching Alien when you start to approach that meeting-room and you just can't go in there, or if you'd go in, but use a fake (English) name that no one really calls you...then I do not question your sincerity - I just think that would demonstrate something to you. Perhaps you mean something different than I do, when you post the words, "I am an addict". .
And that's fine! But let's at least spell it out. Doing concrete things that put the implications of things we say or believe about ourselves
into action, is a powerful tool to help us realize what we truly believe, vs. what we cheaply say...especially just on paper of computer screen...especially using a virtual name with other virtual-named people.
I am not challenging you. You may mean something else, when you write the words, "I am an addict", and that's fine. I am just spelling it out as I see it for myself.
Is that helpful in any way?
- Dov