I am new to this site. Here's my background - I NEED HELP, FAST!

I'm in my 20's and have been struggling with watching shmutz and masturbation for the past 7 years. I've had my ups and downs, of course. The past year has been crazy - every time I fall through I beg and cry to Hashem to forgive me and promise myself that I will never ever fall through again! I have made gedarim for myself, i.e. No taking the phone to the bathroom. I have a filter on my phone (actually, no i don't even have a web browser on my phone - but that didn't stop me today!), go to the gym. etc. However, it just doesn't seem to work!!!

I feel like such an insane person, because I daven to Hashem to give me parnassah and a good life and here I go and do the worst thing possible - I promise never to do this again, and the next day I fall through again!
I have come to the point in my life where I am just sick and fed up!! I tried and tried and don't know why I keep on falling through and have zero self control! I can't do this on my own anymore and I need help NOW!!

Please someone, tell me what to do? How can I stop the madness? Why do I keep on failing? Am I normal that I keep on promising to stop, yet fail time and again??!! What can I do to become a normal person again and get my life back??!!

Thank you!

WELCOME! You are not alone. Your story is very common. Including the promises of never again. Read the handbook, keep posting, check out the links in my signature. Many have been helped here. You can be too.

Welcome. I feel and can relate to your pain.

Indeed you've came to the right place. We all here are struggling on the same issues as you. However the way we get helped may differ from one another. That is why we are here to share tips what has and has not worked for us, so we can learn and imply it to ourselves. We also give chizuk to one another.

Now to your request.

I would suggest you read the GYE handbook a few times.

some points that has helped and many others:

1. acceptance. We need to accept that we have a problem and deal with it the right way.

2. We need to be determined to whatever it takes to get sober and to recover.

3. one day at a time. For many of us, we connot handle more than one day at a time.

4. We need to aty here and post, connect with others in order to recover.

Anyway keep it strong and keep it here, and Bezras hashem you will have Hatzlachah, on you r journey.

Thank you for your response! I hope I'll be helped... I can't handle this anymore!

Welcome - see my avatar msg and COT

Lomed:

Thank you! At one point I would wake up each morning and say "today, I wont watch anything"... but you know how it goes with the internet...

Teshuvah wrote:

I'm sorry for your pain.
There is a path out of this that is waiting for you.
You are not alone.
Hatzlacha!

Teshuvah wrote:


This is a mind set we need to adopt. It does happen in one second. We need to somewhat disconnect from everything that is not today in order to really work on one day at a time.

"We" don't "need" anything. Each of us needs to find what drives our own impulses, and what works for us.
Oh, and, welcome!

Welcome,

Step 1 is comin' here.

there are many good, positive next steps as well.

b'hatzlachah

wow! sometimes it's great to hear the desperation in people's voices. reminds me of my dark days. there is a way out fellow. GYE is a great place to start. I completely relate to your original post. I could've written it myself lots of hope hear and there are solutions if you so seek them

I don't understand how it's ever great to hear desperation in people's voices.

But I agree that GYE is the place to be! We've been where you are, and can very much relate.

We're looking forward to getting to know you better.

No doubt by now you have come to realize that you have arrived at a very special place.

Just keep posting and staying tuned to this forum.

Hatzlocho

Teshuvah wrote:


I identify with your struggle, word for word. After reading quite a bit on the forums here it's actually somewhat comforting to me that I still feel bad and cry inside every time I fall. Although it makes me feel miserable, it means that at least I haven't gotten to the point where I'm so used to it that I don't feel I'm doing anything wrong anymore. In addition, that feeling of life being unmanagebale with the status-quo may serve as a motivation to break free.

Participating actively on the forum has helped me tremendously. 1) Because it's the first time Iv'e been able to express my frustrations freely and therefore it makes the battle feel less lonely. and 2) There's a tremendous amount of insight and chizuk coming from fellow posters on the forum. I highly recommend you get involved! Don't be afraid to express yourself - almost everyone here is on the same boat.

Hatzlacha!

WOW! Thank you so much everyone for your encouraging words! It's such a crazy world out there, but it's so good to know that we, as caring yidden, have GYE, bh!

I will definitely keep everyone posted as I embark on my journey of quitting 100% iyh! I have never been able to freely express my inner feelings this way, so thank you all!

Just a few more points I wanted to mention;
1) Every time something goes wrong, or someone doesn't feel well etc. I always blame myself, that it's because i watch/do such terrible things. Does anyone else feel that way every?
2) If after I stumble, something good happens to me, I say to myself "you see, Hashem was mekabel your teshuva and he trusts that you'll be better from now on - BUT imagine had you not stumbled... Hashem would've done so much more good for you..." - Has anyone ever experienced this too?
3) Sometimes, I'll make an extra effort not to look at women who aren't dressed modestly in street, but then I think to myself "seriously? this is gold compared to what I see...." - Does that make sense?