waydown wrote on 21 Feb 2016 18:04:

Good for you.
Continued hatzlachah

wantoimprove wrote on 21 Feb 2016 20:50:

I was referring to before GYE

markz,

Sure very simple no magic bullet. Hanging out in GYE and learning to find other fun chillers in place of porn were my primary tactics. Davening also helps.
But masturbation is like a physical thing that just won't let me fall asleep without it. It juts requires major will power to say no. And even then who knows if it will work.

waydown wrote on 21 Feb 2016 17:59:

So waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to fall asleep unless pacified by masturbation is manageable? 

waydown wrote on 22 Feb 2016 00:49:

I'm gonna ask one more little question, and then peace out

Hows masturbation in the daytime?
From all the discussion it seems you have that under control..,

Shlomo,

Yes that is very manageable.
It does not ruin my life in any way. I am fine the next day. Its doesn't take long to do. It does not hurt anyone directly. (I know yes it hurts my wife but not nearly in the same way as for example the other extreme, having an extramaretial affair). I am still around when my wife and kids need me. I have even interrupted my masurbation to help with the kids. And even if I were to get caught while not pleasant, I don't think any rav would say get divorced because he simply masturbates.
Note this doesn't make it right and suggested to do. Of course its wrong. But does it make life unmanageable??

Masturbation during the day is almost fully under control BH. Its a very rare occurance.

waydown wrote:

Apparently you are not addicted to M* on any day.
Why do you do at night time?
How come you don't have this "itch" during the day?

I guess I don't understand your struggle...

markz wrote on 22 Feb 2016 12:57:

 ummm....

I did not give a timeline for peace

The last thing I wrote was a comment, I was not gonna be asking more...

Here's another comment

I think mr waydown does have some willpower

waydown wrote on 22 Feb 2016 18:57:


I think you have to ask yourself two questions.
One, why do you need this pacification? Is there something unmanageable in your life that makes you need your "hit"? Someone who took up a vice to help themselves cope with life often does it bc life on some level is unmanageable and they need their fix to Mae it through the day or night. If I remember correctly, unmanagability isn't the acting out, it's our lives that require the acting out.

Second, I don't really get it. You seem to want to quit, but you explain why a Rov wouldn't say to divorce. But what do you think? Do you think it's a good thing to be masturbating every night? Do you think you should stop- for any reason- your intimacy would be better, perhaps you feel sneaky now, perhaps the idea of it being a sin would really bother you if you allow it. If any of those ideas resonate with you, then how do you account for not stopping?

I guess what's puzzling is that if you don't want to stop or it's not so important or not worth losing sleep, then don't stop. But if you do want to stop and think that you shouldn't be doing it for one of who knows how many reasons, then admit that you're having a problem stopping and try to learn how.

I don't mean to be so forward, but right now you sound very ambivalent about wanting to stop at all.

waydown wrote on 22 Feb 2016 18:57:

I wasn't talking about hurting others. I would think that it's pretty nuts to wake up in the middle of the night and have an uncontrollable desire to masturbate. Kinda sounds like I am second to some other force. I wouldn't want to masturbate, I would want to roll over and go to sleep, that is how I would want to manage that situation. By being forced to masturbate that would show my life is unmanageable. You want to masturbate in the middle of night? You like having this deviant sexual behavior take control? A slave's life is unmanageable because he has to do what his master wants regardless of his true desires. I am a sex addict, I get these crazy urges that only a higher power can take me out of. I am completely subserviant to lust. My life use to be like yours, unmanageable. But as the saying goes: "I couldn't see what was coming at me, and then it hit me." I guess I got hit in the face already. Oh well.

He says his life is manageable.
Perhaps it is.
It is not anybody's job to convince him otherwise.

Wow sholomo I will try to address some of your issues

Again re waking up in middle of the night, unfortantley I enjoy it and find it fun. Its sad and its wrong but its totally not unmanagable for me. Maybe that's why i lack will power. It may sound weird and sick but for me its like totally manageable. Yes its wierd but i kind of "want" to masturbate  and I "like" this deviant behavior. I guess I am a happy slave and see my master as treating me well.

 

Working Guy,

Re my life, well Boruch Hashem its not unmanageable. I have tried in all honesty to anyalize if there are any underlying issues that make my life unmanageable thereby causing me to act out. I have not found anything much. Do I struggle for parnasa? Yes. But BH my lot is alot better than many others. BH I have a nice family, great healthy sweet, cute kids. and a very bacheinta wife. Yes it will be a taina on me in shomaim how hashem gave me such a beautiful life and I messed up so badly. But there are no underlying issues. I suppose I can bang my head in the wall and say look now you see I have an underlying issues, my head hurts. But in my case there are none. So why do i do it. Because I have been doing it for 20 years and  I am used to it. and enjoy it. Its like smoking.

Secondly, Yes I want to quit for two basic reasons. 1) Because its a sin 2) It could lead to greater more devastating  sins and effects moving forward as the buck usually won't stop by simply masturbation. But those reasons don't seem to push me over the top to say quit right now. The enjoyment and sooothingness of masturbation overrides that. But this is why I am here. Because I believe firmly in those two reasons specifically reason 2.

In a nutshell I"want to want to" stop but I don't want to stop.