Hashivalisesonyishecho wrote on Unknown:
waydown wrote on Unknown:
I think a crucial pointer is missing. Masturbation to me is my lolipop or sleeping coffee if you'd like. I have a coffee addiction in addiction to masturbation. So what happens on days with no coffees like a tanis. I try to get busy and ignore my coffee headaches by distracting myself. But that headache is still pounding and makes me less productive. I can try distracting myself prior to going to sleep but my addictive instincts will kick in and tell me I can't sleep till I swallow my addiction. Yes eventually after enough distractions I will platz in bed from exhustion then fall asleep. But its a very tiresome exercise. And it will only help intially but not when I wake up at 3am. At 3am its the closest sleeping pill that I can grab. I am grogy and have a fried mind at that point to do anything less then the first knee jerk reaction that soothes me.
And sorry the learning thing no matter how interesting just doesn't seem to reasonate and will just pull me the other way.
Bottom line, I totally agree and think its wise to try distracting myself with any "kosher" or even semi kosher (you know like OU verse hiemish hahsgacha! Just kidding) interesting distraction. And every little bit helps even if it ain't a magic bullet. Of course it does only work with the will power to work on myself. And that I lack as well.
I can read what you're saying. I think I can also read between the lines that you're saying "I'm low, I'm bad, I'm weak etc" Maybe you might consider trying to see yourself in a little bit of a better light. It won't be a lie, trust me. You're not all as way down as you make yourself out to be. I have noticed some rather fine qualities in you from all I have read of your posts. The way a person views himself is a self fulfilling prophecy. You might want to explore how to work on this, meaning the way you view yourself.
I think the conversation is going back and forth- everyone is telling you ways that you Mgur be able to distract yourself or avoid acting out, and you're telling everyone that it's your lollipop, you like it, you need it, it's too hard.
So I think we really have to clarify a few things. Almost everyone here has had enjoyment from acting out, and while some stopped because even the acting out no longer provided much thrill or enjoyment, others stopped even though it was still really enjoyable, exhilarating, reassuring, pleasant, whatever.
U have to make a decision. The decision is not about having more willpower; as so many people here will point out, willpower almost never or never works.
So where does the decision come in? If you decide that if you could, you WOULD give up your coffee, lolly, etc and open yourself up to the possibility that you can survive without it and that you want to learn how other people have accomplished this, then you'll be able to do it.
It might be what some call hitting rock bottom, others powerlessness, others saying that I finally realized life was unmanageable- but the common denominator is that it's at the point that the addict (if you call yourself one) or the one acting out realizes that he has to stop dictating why it can't be done, bc if you believe it can be done or believe it can't, you're both right.
People have stopped worth twelve steps, with GYE, with who knows what else, but I think most of those people came from sort of letting go and opening themselves up to something bigger than their own individual capabilities.
If you feel that you OUGHT to quit, or REALLY SHOULD, it's hard to imagine that is enough to fight the counter response of "but how will you sleep?"
But if you decide, he'll or high water, I'm going to try to find a way- I think you'll be in business.
That's the way it was for me. I did twelve steps for a while and didn't like it, started slipping again, and said "if GYE doesn't work, back to twelve steps, bc no matter what I have to try everything".
If you're not ready for that, it's very understandable. For many, it's a long process. First they think they can quit bc life would be better without it, then they think they can mostly quit with a little cheating here and there, or with no Shmiras Einayim or with just watching a little tiny bit of whatever, but then they come to the point of ok, get rid of it all.
Regardless, everyone is here to root for you and to support you, and to help you get to where you have to in this process and journey. So whenever you're ready to really go through it with all the accompanying pain, we're all here to support you through that.
Lots of hatzlacha,
Warning: Spoiler!
