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Solutions for Tonight

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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

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TOPIC: Solutions for Tonight 143257 Views

Re: Solutions for Tonight 12 Nov 2015 20:26 #268499

eslaasos Current streak: 16 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 954 Karma: 81	Shlomo, you're absolutely right there shouldn't be hate, and I'm sure everything here is at least meant well. Sometimes people get upset by what they perceive to be harmful posts, but kanous has its place, which is beyond the scope of this forum. More to the point, how is SAA's definition of lust different?
	Quotes that speak to me What do we replace it with....Life (Cordnoy) My Thread My Other Thread

Re: Solutions for Tonight 12 Nov 2015 21:03 #268500

waydown
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Hey guys if there ia anyone that can take kanos its me. And by the way please forgive me if I dish out too much at times. But feel free to dish it out. And no I don't think there is any hate on GYE. GYE is an epic center for friends. Any heated discussions should be looked at as milchemto shel torah. Like the gemara says es vahv bsofeh. When talmid chocmim get farkoched in learning they can get heated at times. But the end they are marba sholom!

Re: Solutions for Tonight 12 Nov 2015 21:24 #268501

waydown
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My question or point of discussion really boils down to, is there an alternative perhaps less effective mehlach for at-least some of us on GYE? Is SA the only way to go? (Meaning their approach) Or can one try to deal with it like one would deal with other illnesses or problems in life? Is it only surrender aka SA/ 12 steps or can we at-least try to fight it and like we should do in all areas leave what we can't do for hashem? Must we "rid ourself" of lust or can we "contain it" while channeling it for good things. Of course if we choose the latter aka the non SA approach its a life time battle and we are walking on pins. I also expect to slip on occassions, but I am trying to implement startigies so that the slip doesn't turn into a downward spiral. That slip should just be like an averio just with extra caution needed. This is the crux of my thought process.

Oh and am I an addict? No clue. Is my life unmanagable? Well if I fight my lust without surrendering and work on my bitachon it becomes managable. So do I need to surrender aka SA approach? I have no clue.

Last Edit: 12 Nov 2015 21:26 by waydown.

Re: Solutions for Tonight 13 Nov 2015 15:19 #268550

waydown OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 670 Karma: 7	5 days clean and still going!! M shabbos is usually a hard one. I am hoping that my wife is around then but if not and I am brought to a nisyian I am preparing a back up plan.

Re: Solutions for Tonight 13 Nov 2015 15:24 #268552

eslaasos Current streak: 16 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 954 Karma: 81	Great! Mind if I ask what the backup plan is?
	Quotes that speak to me What do we replace it with....Life (Cordnoy) My Thread My Other Thread

Re: Solutions for Tonight 13 Nov 2015 15:27 #268553

waydown OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 670 Karma: 7	Well my wife has to attend a melva malka. If i think the going gets rough I have a chaver to call. I hooked up with him on GYE and we started a mussar seder in orchas tzadikim this week. Of course its also a chizuk seder and we often chat about our challanges.

Re: Solutions for Tonight 15 Nov 2015 16:43 #268635

waydown
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one week clean!!

Last night I got lucky as my wife was available. In fact while my wife as out and I was doing some work on my computer I had a string desire to click on places I shouldn't. But I remebered my pretty wife and said why spoil my thoughts on some silly sites when I have such a pretty wife to enjoy. And why betray her. So I clicked on the aguda convention live streams while working instead.

I still don't have a good solution for M Shabbos which is the hardest nite by far. And no there is no apparent trigger. I had a calm low pressure shabbos. I didn't not look where I wasn't suppose to (It was too cold to see anythin and noone was outside roaming!!!) I just get a crazy tremendous itch M shabbos. Its like an urge to go the bathroom. Try falling asleep when you have to go the bathroom. What do I do when it itches like crazy?

Re: Solutions for Tonight 15 Nov 2015 17:13 #268639

cordnoy
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waydown wrote:

Ain't that cheirem d'rabbeinu gershom a *itch!?
Didn't it expire already?

My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin

Warning: Spoiler!

My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Solutions for Tonight 15 Nov 2015 17:19 #268640

Markz NOW ONLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 8260 Karma: 428	why betray her Huh? I don't get it
	My Story---------Dov Quotes *FREE LUST TRUCK TOWING* *Click HERE to checkout;* • 100 Day Success Stories: cordnoy, Dov, Gevura and more... • Awesome Threads Saved for You • Cast Your Vote ➣ GYE Plenty Solutions ➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk ➣ Nice Trucking Story Last Edit: 15 Nov 2015 17:19 by Markz.

Re: Solutions for Tonight 15 Nov 2015 17:53 #268642

mggsbms
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waydown wrote:

i also have a very hard time motzei shabbos. We need a plan even if wife isn't avail....

Aka - Mischadeish075 Email mischadeish075@gmail.com

Re: Solutions for Tonight 15 Nov 2015 18:42 #268644

eslaasos Current streak: 16 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 954 Karma: 81	I know what helps me with Motzai Shabbos - not sleeping Shabbos afternoon.
	Quotes that speak to me What do we replace it with....Life (Cordnoy) My Thread My Other Thread

Re: Solutions for Tonight 15 Nov 2015 18:43 #268645

eslaasos Current streak: 16 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 954 Karma: 81	markz wrote: why betray her Huh? I don't get it Surfing for porn is a betrayal of your commitment to your wife. What am I missing that you don't get?
	Quotes that speak to me What do we replace it with....Life (Cordnoy) My Thread My Other Thread

Re: Solutions for Tonight 15 Nov 2015 19:41 #268649

Markz
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Waydown
I hid a diamond in my garbage dump here

jerusalemsexaddict wrote:

17 Nov 2009
A Letter from Men to Women

To all women,
On behalf of all men I would like to clarify a few points:

The floor is considered an acceptable clothing storage location.

When watching TV hugging is always fine because I can still see the screen. Kissing should only be done during timeouts and commercials. Questions should also be limited to this period as you stand a much better chance of getting an immediate response.

If you don't like the way I am driving close your eyes. And I would appreciate it if you would refrain from making that reverse inhaling alarmed noise. I haven't hit anything yet and if I do it will be your fault.

If you want me to put the seat down when I am finished then you should leave the seat up when you are finished. It's only fair. And stop giving me a hard time about missing the bowl. What do you expect from an organ that has a brain of its own.

I will cook anything as long as it is on the BBQ.

Yelling to me across the house sounds exactly like stadium crowd background noise to me. I am not ignoring you.

Thank you for your understanding,
From all men.

My Story---------Dov Quotes

FREE LUST TRUCK TOWING
Click HERE to checkout;
• 100 Day Success Stories: cordnoy, Dov, Gevura and more...
• Awesome Threads Saved for You
• Cast Your Vote

➣ GYE Plenty Solutions
➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk
➣ Nice Trucking Story

Last Edit: 15 Nov 2015 19:43 by Markz.

Re: Solutions for Tonight 15 Nov 2015 19:45 #268651

waydown OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 670 Karma: 7	Markz you gotto put tat up on the M shabbos humor post. I loved it!!!

Re: Solutions for Tonight 16 Nov 2015 15:40 #268725

waydown
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I did fall asleep clean last nite despite a strong desire but slipped in middle of the night.

Yes I post my slips on GYE because you guys ensure that its only a slip and doesn't end up being a fall.

And I still struggle with the fact that oh do I feel depressed or disappointed that I slipped? No not all. In fact I use to never make it for more than a day. I never even thougth about holding in my desires for years. So the fact that I made it for a week and that I fell asleep without giving in makes me view it as a success. I think its a great approach. But this all comes with a great risk. Because now in my mind I don't view my life as unmanageable. In my mind if I am clean for a week at a time thats pretty darn good all considering. And even when I fall I don't get dragged down to start doing other averious (ie porn or on-line affairs) rather it stays at M"Z and thats it. Again its a mixed blessing. Yes its a good start but it makes life very manageable.