LOL! I get your point. Sometimes we don't want to let go. yes deep inside that may be true.

Actually what scares me on the surface is, the fact that I know its a one day fluke but the tavia will return. I already had a bad machshava this morning and can feel it returning. I would love to not a have a tavia like last nite.

I have been out of the fight for a few days. I attended a convention with lost of ladies running around. Natraully, that and no GYE access to support me didn't help too much. I did have some good moments over the weekend. M Shabbos I felt really itchy, Rather than scum, I ran to shul to catch up on the daf. I knew that when I get home my wife would be ready for relations so I held off till the mitzva and did not scumbb all nite.

Sorry cords I know you are adamant agaisnt using one's wife. I will conceed that it's nota long term solution. For one what happens when ones wife is a nida? (Two weeks is long time. It doesn't really help me to say in two weeks I'll get somethig good. Thats too far away) And more theoretical and less practical yes it doesn't really rid one of lust. It just circumevents it for the time being. But I still do believe that while one is white knuckling its Okay and effective to use my tool. Just one novices opinion!

waydown wrote:


I am not adamant against usin' one's wife.
It is the mindset that my lust is not a problem, for I will channel it to my wife - that is what doesn't work so well.
Your thoughts above are completely ok.
Is it better if you/I didn't lust? yes; but we did/are, and then our wives helped out....at least, yours did. B"H.

b'hatzlachah

I have been out of the loop for a few days and not doing so well either. i had two syita dishmas that brought me back,

1) My corporation just added a much stronger filter to all their laptops. (I can't add any filters since I dont have admin rights)
2)I got locked out of my one e-mail account which was somewhat discreet. I could get on the phone for a half hour and try to get it reopened. But its kind of to me like a message to let it go. Don't be such a loser.

And so I am back again. Going for day 1

waydown wrote:


This sent a chill through my body. What strength and resolve and humility!

One day free Last nite thanks enlarge to Rabbi Dr Watson's help.

I am now going for day two.

Just an interesting video I can across on-line (Note its not necessarly kosher and I wouldn't advise anyone to google it).

An 18/19 yr old who was an up & coming model/ celberty discusses why she quit her career. She says at 12 yrs old she started becoming obssesed with modeling and social media. Then she started montoiring her own body so that she can succeed. At 16 she starting posting model stuff on you tube. She was instantly a big success. But and here is the big but she was never happy. Every time she reached a threshhold like 500,000 you tube hits she became obssesed with OK now I need a million views. As she got contracts with the big guns they bossed her around to look a certian way and controled her life. She dated celeberties that were way ahead of her and all the way up but they were never happy either. And so she claims thats it she quits and she is staying far away from this life.

I don't know if she will really quit or not but it kind of brings insight into the whole lust

waydown wrote:

If the only way you are sober is via daily call with the Doc, you've got BIG problems

Markz

Yes I agree I have got BIG problems. Read my unmangeable post.

9494 wrote:

Hey 94 I wasn't saying calling is good or not, I was only asking our friend to take a baby step

"1. We admitted we were powerless over lust--that our lives had become unmanageable"

MarkZ

Ok thanks for the push. Last nite I did it without Dr Watson. And my kids were up the whole nite yet no fall and I am clean.

Clean for two days.

Sunday was tough as I was really itching. Two things stopped me.

1) GYE thanks guys
2) Knowing that I have such a pretty wife. Why waste it lusting for some shallow other lady thats probably less pretty anyhow.

Note re #2, I am only posting what works for me. Not what is ideallogically correct. And I never crunched the data to know that statisclly it works for others

Yesterday was tough as well. I attened a confernce where I had to mingle with women. Thats a complete danger zone for me. Thankfully last nite I was so tired thus with a small push I was able to fall asleep without matsurbating.

Hi waydown,

Happy for you that you've won some battles.

I have also found that tired and keeping busy can be very helpful.
Do you have a long term plan yet?

I don't have a magic bullet. I have a list of stratgies but not one cohesive plan.

1) On a day when I get an urge to flirt white knuckle it
2)I am typically used to falling asleep while masterbating I have a hard time falling asleep without it. It just soothes me to sleep. I have changed my sleeping patterns. Now I try to go to sleep eariler and I listen to some interesting radio show that entertains me. It usually takes much longer to fall asleep than just masterbating but it helps alot.
3)A little related to #2. I stopped sleeping shabbos day so that M shabbos (which is the strongest lust nite for me) I can sleep eaiser.
4)I try to avoid working in areas where lots of women frequent.
5) Just hanging around GYE helps.
6) I hope to start a muser seder with a GYE friend soon
7) I try to say hamapiel from a siddur. After all a large percentage of the brocho is a tefila not to have bad thoughts and dreams.
8. When I get an urge I tell myself hey my wife is much prettier both inner & outer beauty than most of these other girls. Knowing that tonight or tom night I can relieve my itch with someone pretty & who loves me sooths me and holds me back.

And yes its a probelm that I am not always so busy. It varies by day.

Must make it harder when your wife is unavailable for longer than 24 or 48 hours.

Weren't you doing the calls with Cordnoy at one point? It introduced us to ideas on how to get rid of the root causes. It's a lot harder to do initially, but apparently there's a payoff in the long run when lust subsides.

If I may ask, what sefer were you thinking of for the mussar seder? I'm always interested in good ideas.

Thanks, and good luck.