mggsbms wrote on 25 May 2016 05:24:

Growing pains my good man growing pains. Keep the faith. You are accomplishing. The emotional turmoil that you are living through is certainly a challenge. You are cleansing your system from years of self-abuse.
Try:
Letting Go and Let G-d.

All that crazed emotion IN THE COURSE OF TIME can well be substituted by real meaningful living.
 

yiraishamaim wrote on 25 May 2016 17:17:

Thanks for your very special words of chizuk. It's greatly appreciated.

My wife walked in on me during the day she's supposed to be at work. She found me...working, it was a great feeling, I saw her relief. During my acting out episodes this would have been crisis time. I thank you Hashem for helping me keep sober today. And please help me continue.

That's great,  so happy to hear. 

Giving your lady nachas, chaver.

Today was a very tough day in the craving department. It's literally all encompassing, however I have not let the thoughts invade, its just an inner craving of sorts. So I turn to the gratitude list.

Some of it will be cryptic

I am forever grateful hashem for

1. learning with my offspring
2. Hearing my rebbe sing, which is a miracle in itself
3. For shmoozing with my boss and holding my own
4. For the honor
5. Giving me the sechel to get out and distract myself
6. the present given to my other relative
7. the smuz with the yerushalmi yid, especially for those great stories
8. Pleasant shulem bais
9.  the job well done
10. Being able to connect to you some times
11. For another sober day
 

Day 19

B"h the cravings subsided, we had a wonderful sober shabbos. 

As I was thinking through what surrender is all about some thoughts came to mind. I have a problem giving up lust even intellectually, I am programmed that it is human nature and I'm going against something that I really have the right too. If this is my thinking behind acting out it makes it all the more harder to stop, because it's not only an addiction it is a hashkafa issue. The way I combat this is to submit to daas torah where there is no recognition of lust as a virtue, as a believing Jew I turn to torah to understand what I was created with for. 

This is a profound mindset change for me. I have been fooling myself into thinking that I really want to stop (when I want to). That may not be the case.

the same is with every addiction. those who want to stop smoking but  haven't changed their mindset, will never stop

It's hard to feel like lust is bad when the outside world looks at it as a great thing and an end in it of itself.

Two thoughts come to mind. 

1) I realized this only after months of being clean. If lust controls you then you're working for it a huge part of the day. When you read certain goyish publications (don't) and they're obsessed by what makes you attractive, how to turn a women on, etc. they're wasting their lives in pursuit of the next drunken one night stand. I think lust more than any other tayvah has the abilitiy to enslave the mind and turn a person's focus toward it. That alone is a good reason why the torah would command us to stay away from it. We have better things to do in this world.

1b) Along the same line of thought, it also brings out the animal part of us more than any other tayvah. It is purely giving into our animal drives which is the opposite of the way the torah wants it to be. Vd"l.

2) I heard an interesting idea recently about how as Jews we're commanded to limit our olam hazeh in order to be able to get our limitless portion in olam habah. That was the deal between Yakkov and Eisav. So in addition to the practical reasons why lust would hurt us in our true reason for being here, we also can't give into it because we can't get the best of both worlds.

This whole discussion is really pointless (I'm the culprit..) if our lives are really unmanageable with lust, then it may even be a good thing, but for someone else. That's the paradox though, is it really unmanageable ?

Why can't you want to give up lust because the torah says to and also because it makes your life unmanageable?

inastruggle wrote on 29 May 2016 17:11:

Very true

Hello this is my first post here.

I just read your whole thread and was strengthened and comforted somehow.

(i even borrowed off someones name and who knows...)

Mostly because I had a lengthy good run (around nine months) and had trouble restarting after a couple falls.

There's always an opportunity for a new start though.

I appreciate your courage posting all this through the challenges and i relate to alot here.

Like thinking surely by shevous ill be back sober etc... and its true for me what people said, if its then it might as well be tomorrow .......

Thank you very much

Bad ending , i mean to say, please Hashem give me the willingness to do what i need to for the next 24 hours to start being sober again.

Welcome, brother 

Welcome Tiferes

A great way to start gye on this thread!!


Shevuos is like Matan Torah
its every day
you can be sober
All it takes as Watson says is
Abstinace PLUS recovery

Both are dependent on each other

KEEP ON TRUCKING!!