After being here for many years and succeeding sometimes more then others, I have left GYE. im trying to start this thing again with renewed motivation hopefully with good results.

Welcome back!
Perhaps it would be wise to post a link to your previous thread here, so the oilam can get to know you better.

to refresh some of my history, I have been addicted to p for the last six years, it started of with just a sampling from time to time, and has progressed ever since slowly but surely, whereas I have once been able to keep clean for several months at a time ive gone to acting out a few time a week.
I have come to realize that im powerless over this addiction and as much as ive tried and cried I have been only getting worse. that being said realizing that I am powerless has sapped my motivation, because as long as I have felt that my image and morality is on the line I felt the need to change, once I realize that its my sick mind that's causing me to act in these crazy ways, I have not got the motivation to quit. I guess I have not reached the point where I feel that my life is unmanageable, I surely understand that a life in kedusha is healthier better and way more productive, it has not been a total failure now either.
therefore I find that the sole motivation that I have now Is the chevra, being part of a group that is cheering me on seems to be what might work for me, even though I am a little confused how to work such a motivation with the fact of being powerless, because if you are powerless then it cant be your power that people are cheering.

I have welcomed you back already.

The chevra can help put you in the right frame of mind but it is you that will need to have that ratzon to take the recovery steps.

Welcome back! Being powerless over lust does not mean you are powerless over recovery.

"gibor" I'm not sure what you mean if you care to clarify I would appreciate it very much, as far as the 12 steps goes doesn't surrendering to a higher power mean that I myself have no power to overcome this addiction without the help of hashem. so how do you explain what you write that you have power to recover. second but not least is the mamar chazal ilemulei hkb"h ozro lo yichal lo.

Welcome, a return with new motivation sounds exciting.

Hatzlocho Rabah

mggsbms wrote:


This has been hashed over many times....addict/non addict etc.

But know this please. ...we need to take some first step. ...whatever that may be. ...we need to and we can! The rest you can analyze and argue to death.

Bhatzlachah

Welcome back! I'm glad your here because you are helping me. I'm looking forward to hearinbg Gibbor's answer to your question, because when he writes I hear words of sobriety and also it will save me the extra typing

thanks you all for the warm welcome back it means so much to me.

It's really great that you have come to the realization that you can't do this alone. We can only get sober if we work together. We are here for you. We are here for ourselves. We are here for each other.

Welcome back mggsbms! I’m still a newbie around here, but I can empathize with your story. Keep posting and you will get the guidance you need to end the cycle of lust. Browse through the GYE tools too (some of the content may have changed while you were away). I’m sure you’ll find something helpful.

Much Hatzlacha!

a few points.

I was on the phone conference last night(I didn't check in), "gingerbread" led the call and was very articulate in bringing out the point I raised yesterday as for the need of a motivation to stop. he pointed out however that because this addiction is a progressive one - as I have seen on my own - it is crucial to realize that my life being manageable now could be temporary, what's if I get caught? or chas veshalem get into trouble? once im not in control everything is on the table.

another point. the reason you cant fight this addiction with you own will power as I have come to understand it is because the addiction is fueled by negative character traits based my self centeredness, in my case disappointments of not achieving status and recognition as I see fit, therefore basing recovery on my will power \ ego is in itself the problem.

third point. all the times that I was able to keep clean for many months at a time, it was without a fight, I just didn't have the urge to act out. after going through the big book I see that this situation is what is called sobriety based on a spiritual awakening. I felt the awakening so strong that I was disgusted by lust. I ask hashem to please help me reach such a stage.

Hi MGGSBMS,
Welcome back. There is so much help here from so many wise tzaddikim who care so much and have so much to share. I will just nosh off the wisdom that my friends here will share with you.
I care so much to see you get over this and know exactly how you feel. Feel free to reach out to me privately whenever you want to.

mggsbms wrote:
You have the power to "let" Him help you. You learn to "rely" on Him. As long as you think you can lick this thing yourself, Hashem says "go ahead, do it yourself". Once you realize that you cannot, and ask for help, and surrender to Him, things change. It's hard to explain in words. It has to be experienced.

If I am not being clear, perhaps try browsing some of the dov quotes.