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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: a new start 27053 Views

a new start 24 Jun 2015 14:48 #257587

  • mggsbms
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After being here for many years and succeeding sometimes more then others, I have left GYE. im trying to start this thing again with renewed motivation hopefully with good results.
Aka -  Mischadeish075
 
 

Re: a new start 24 Jun 2015 14:56 #257589

  • Bigmoish
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Welcome back!
Perhaps it would be wise to post a link to your previous thread here, so the oilam can get to know you better.
FAQ's (Great for newcomers!!!)
Handbook | Skep's Tips
My threads:
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"Expectation is the mother of frustration" - gibbor120
"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
"Desiring is not a sin at all, but just a sign that you are not dead yet" - Dov
"We are our own worst observer" - eslaasos's therapist
WDHW!!!

Re: a new start 24 Jun 2015 15:20 #257592

  • mggsbms
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to refresh some of my history, I have been addicted to p for the last six years, it started of with just a sampling from time to time, and has progressed ever since slowly but surely, whereas I have once been able to keep clean for several months at a time ive gone to acting out a few time a week.
I have come to realize that im powerless over this addiction and as much as ive tried and cried I have been only getting worse. that being said realizing that I am powerless has sapped my motivation, because as long as I have felt that my image and morality is on the line I felt the need to change, once I realize that its my sick mind that's causing me to act in these crazy ways, I have not got the motivation to quit. I guess I have not reached the point where I feel that my life is unmanageable, I surely understand that a life in kedusha is healthier better and way more productive, it has not been a total failure now either.
therefore I find that the sole motivation that I have now Is the chevra, being part of a group that is cheering me on seems to be what might work for me, even though I am a little confused how to work such a motivation with the fact of being powerless, because if you are powerless then it cant be your power that people are cheering.
Aka -  Mischadeish075
 
 
Last Edit: 24 Jun 2015 15:24 by mggsbms.

Re: a new start 24 Jun 2015 15:27 #257593

  • cordnoy
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I have welcomed you back already.

The chevra can help put you in the right frame of mind but it is you that will need to have that ratzon to take the recovery steps.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: a new start 24 Jun 2015 17:19 #257618

  • gibbor120
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Welcome back! Being powerless over lust does not mean you are powerless over recovery.

Re: a new start 24 Jun 2015 23:39 #257659

  • mggsbms
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"gibor" I'm not sure what you mean if you care to clarify I would appreciate it very much, as far as the 12 steps goes doesn't surrendering to a higher power mean that I myself have no power to overcome this addiction without the help of hashem. so how do you explain what you write that you have power to recover. second but not least is the mamar chazal ilemulei hkb"h ozro lo yichal lo.
Aka -  Mischadeish075
 
 

Re: a new start 25 Jun 2015 00:01 #257664

  • yiraishamaim
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Welcome, a return with new motivation sounds exciting.

Hatzlocho Rabah
Last Edit: 25 Jun 2015 00:02 by yiraishamaim.

Re: a new start 25 Jun 2015 00:21 #257669

  • cordnoy
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mggsbms wrote:
"gibor" I'm not sure what you mean if you care to clarify I would appreciate it very much, as far as the 12 steps goes doesn't surrendering to a higher power mean that I myself have no power to overcome this addiction without the help of hashem. so how do you explain what you write that you have power to recover. second but not least is the mamar chazal ilemulei hkb"h ozro lo yichal lo.


This has been hashed over many times....addict/non addict etc.

But know this please. ...we need to take some first step. ...whatever that may be. ...we need to and we can! The rest you can analyze and argue to death.

Bhatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: a new start 25 Jun 2015 01:01 #257675

  • serenity
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Welcome back! I'm glad your here because you are helping me. I'm looking forward to hearinbg Gibbor's answer to your question, because when he writes I hear words of sobriety and also it will save me the extra typing
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: a new start 25 Jun 2015 01:22 #257679

  • mggsbms
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thanks you all for the warm welcome back it means so much to me.
Aka -  Mischadeish075
 
 

Re: a new start 25 Jun 2015 01:33 #257681

  • abd297
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It's really great that you have come to the realization that you can't do this alone. We can only get sober if we work together. We are here for you. We are here for ourselves. We are here for each other.
Let Hashem Do His Job!

We need to jump off the conveyor belt of life and walk on our own.

You cannot make yourself feel something you do not feel, but you can make yourself do right in spite of your feelings.

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.

Re: a new start 25 Jun 2015 01:58 #257684

  • Yudi
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Welcome back mggsbms! I’m still a newbie around here, but I can empathize with your story. Keep posting and you will get the guidance you need to end the cycle of lust. Browse through the GYE tools too (some of the content may have changed while you were away). I’m sure you’ll find something helpful.

Much Hatzlacha!

Re: a new start 25 Jun 2015 14:56 #257734

  • mggsbms
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a few points.

I was on the phone conference last night(I didn't check in), "gingerbread" led the call and was very articulate in bringing out the point I raised yesterday as for the need of a motivation to stop. he pointed out however that because this addiction is a progressive one - as I have seen on my own - it is crucial to realize that my life being manageable now could be temporary, what's if I get caught? or chas veshalem get into trouble? once im not in control everything is on the table.

another point. the reason you cant fight this addiction with you own will power as I have come to understand it is because the addiction is fueled by negative character traits based my self centeredness, in my case disappointments of not achieving status and recognition as I see fit, therefore basing recovery on my will power \ ego is in itself the problem.

third point. all the times that I was able to keep clean for many months at a time, it was without a fight, I just didn't have the urge to act out. after going through the big book I see that this situation is what is called sobriety based on a spiritual awakening. I felt the awakening so strong that I was disgusted by lust. I ask hashem to please help me reach such a stage.
Aka -  Mischadeish075
 
 

Re: a new start 25 Jun 2015 17:19 #257749

Hi MGGSBMS,
Welcome back. There is so much help here from so many wise tzaddikim who care so much and have so much to share. I will just nosh off the wisdom that my friends here will share with you.
I care so much to see you get over this and know exactly how you feel. Feel free to reach out to me privately whenever you want to.

Re: a new start 25 Jun 2015 19:51 #257773

  • gibbor120
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mggsbms wrote:
"gibor" I'm not sure what you mean if you care to clarify I would appreciate it very much, as far as the 12 steps goes doesn't surrendering to a higher power mean that I myself have no power to overcome this addiction without the help of hashem. so how do you explain what you write that you have power to recover. second but not least is the mamar chazal ilemulei hkb"h ozro lo yichal lo.
You have the power to "let" Him help you. You learn to "rely" on Him. As long as you think you can lick this thing yourself, Hashem says "go ahead, do it yourself". Once you realize that you cannot, and ask for help, and surrender to Him, things change. It's hard to explain in words. It has to be experienced.

If I am not being clear, perhaps try browsing some of the dov quotes.
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