Day 16

Trying to surrender the lust that's creeping up. I reached out to a couple of friends and it helped for the day, isn't that all that counts ? 

 

mggsbms wrote on 26 Apr 2016 03:55:

Day 1

A few points. Nothing earth shattering.

It's as important for me to learn how to get up after a fall as it is to have continues sobriety, even though I naturally tend to harp on the latter. Falls will happen. It's getting up and continued focus on sobriety that matters.

That is by.

1. Valuing and appreciating every sober minute. It is literally priceless to have a clear mind. 

2. Continued recognition of all the good things in life. 

3. Including patting myself on the back when winning some struggles with the help of Hashem.

4. Trying to remember the tumult of a day lost to addiction. Snappy to my wife and kids. Not appreciating the many blessings of a sunny happy plain day.

5. Trying to remember the sweetness of extended sobriety.

Comments are welcome
 

Golden post!

Expound on #2 perhaps.

Golden post!

I agree, great post.


KOMT!

While I appreciate the post, and the pointers were spot on, I always feel iffy when I read Day 1 revelations. I always had gantzeh svaros on that day of or after my falls. It never kept me sober. A previous sponsor of mine called me out on it, he said that I should just do the next right thing and stop thinking. He said that I just fell and I'm still reeking of alcohol. He told to get a little more sobriety until I start thinking again. I really agree with him.

cordnoy wrote on 27 Apr 2016 15:48:

And mgsmbs, keep on listening to your sponsor/friend, and keep thinking and writing those thoughts. I know you for almost three years and your thoughts from the past two or three weeks are on a higher level than most of the past years. It should be and it will be B'hatzlachah. Live Godly, today! And make sure to tell Him.

This was my response to a post that was deleted, I still think it is necessary to write:

I think that you got my message wrong. I was in no way saying that you smell of alcohol, hell, you aren't even an addict. I was just saying what my sponsor told me. Meaning that my brain is too cloudy after a fall for me to think rationally and not just shame myself for falling. He never told me to go back to my "hellhole," what he told me was to put the thinking on hold for the time being. What he said was out of love and care for me, he wasn't putting me down. You can do whatever you want with what I said, take it or leave it, I was just trying to relay my experience.

Sharing a fall can be very hard, I relate. However, many times the hard things are the ones we get the most growth from. Ayin cordnoy's signature.

Shlomo24 wrote on 28 Apr 2016 13:12:

Well said and well taken. 

Thanks 

I don't know. On the one hand thinking about it can get you down if you start bashing yourself.

On the other hand, it's when you remember all the details of the fall. After a little while I don't even remember why and how I fell.

On the third hand those revelations didn't help me stay clean. They may help others though.

I got me three hands. Yeah.


 

When I read Shlomo's post warning of too much thinking on the first day after a fall I really identified with that. I have been there too many times. I am sure Shlomo doesn't mean not to engage in sobriety with vibrancy and energy, just not to make too many cheshbonos. The day after a fall for me is a day where I can't even understand how I could have had that tayva. Therefore, all kabbalos on that day are moot. I need to get back into a normal mode in order to make proper kabbalos. Now, some people I am sure are affected differently. And it could be that thats what caused some negative reactions. But I am thankful to Shlomo for speaking out the words that I was feeling but having a hard time forming into coherent thoughts. I remember hours and hours of pontificating to myself on those day 1's. Painful hours. I learned from experience that the best thing to do is to put one foot in front of the next and to just get through the day sober. Thinking happens [for me] after that.

Shlomo24 wrote on 28 Apr 2016 13:12:

While I thanked you for the "non-thinking" gist of the post, I disagree with the placement (meaning: it is true in general, but not in this case). Mgsbms wasn't doing the type of thinking that a sponsor will disapprove of (imho). He wasn't analyzing the fall and what brought it about and the low feelings etc. He was extolling sobriety and bemoaning the failures of living in fantasy. All in all, it was positive thinking, and it should be continued, especially the gratitude part. Additionally, how do you know he's not an addict?

My above post is amplified by reading what RS wrote, for the thoughts he mentioned after a fall, like understanding the tayva and future kabbalos, are those that should be avoided, but that was not what mgsmbs was doing at all.

cordnoy wrote on 28 Apr 2016 15:15:

Thanks for clarifying.

I totally agree with everything that was said here on this topic. And I usually abstain from writing any commentary after a fall. You can look back at my seven years of posting seldom have I posted anything after a fall. 

This time was different I think,  I posted as an act of coming out of my shell, which I tend to roll into after a fall,  I am trying to avoid that in my current quest of sobriety, as I see it as a very big obstacle to continued sobriety. I happened to also have had a rare moment of clarity, which I felt had to be jotted down for my future reference.