I've been hearing a lot about the advantages of jerking off. It releases stress and pressure and calms you down. This only increases the argument from the Yetzer Hora's side in order to do it. Anyone got any better tips? Explain to me without telling me "this is what Hashem wants from us ('cause we all know how well that works)". Anybody?

One of the things I've read and come to understand about addiction is that the addict uses the drug of his/her choice to soothe, calm, and escape from whatever stress, challenge or event in reality that they're unable to cope with.

The addict becomes so heavily dependent on the drug, that it eventually overtakes their life in an unmanageable, unhealthy, and in certain cases, life threatening way.

The why only some turn to addicts instead of using just a little once a in awhile is a question only Hashem can answer. But just like some get addicted to alcohol or drugs and cant stop, and then realize theyre addicts, so too, some of us out there become addicted to Lust and Sex and have to quit any and all forms of it including masturbation.

Science is right. It does make me feel less stressed and less pressure and calms down. TEMPORARILY. but it doesn't solve any of the underlying reasons for why I was feeling that way. Its like putting a band-aid over a hole in the Hoover damn. Its only a very temporary fix, at best, if that. And sooner or later, if I dont learn how to properly cope with life's challenges, its going to start really hurting.

It diminishes the ability to make a loving connection with your spouse . It causes a
(reversible , with Hashem's Help ) damage to the brain cells so Lust takes over and the
only thing you see and hear and feel will be lust all over , including your spouse , she will realize that very fast . And your calm may dissipate and stress and pressure will take its place.

Thanks for the reply. I'm not married but I'm sure you're putting out for the ones that are.
To back up your words, here's a link everyone can enjoy :
thehealthblogger.com/masturbation-it-is-not-healthy-for-you-contrary-to-popular-belief/

i was talking to you , friend , i thought if you are married you will see my point . And if you are not married i was preparing you for your afterlife. I am glad you found one voice that says masturbation is bad for you and it doesnt have not one advantage ( which is for real and long-lasting )

you wrote on a different thread:



why does it bug you? It's healthy
And despite the possibility that it is healthy, apparently you want to stop and can't.
So it seems you have two paths available:
1. Decide that it is a good thing and convince yourself that you are not a hypocrite
2. Work on recovering whether it is healthy or not.

I don't think you will get much help on the forums if you for option 1. But if you go for option 2 there are loads of ideas, suggestions, and support that you can gain from the forum.

The first step for you would probably be to make a solid concrete decision that you want to recover and will do whatever it takes. It might not be an easy thing to do, but it might be the easiest part of recovery. If you can't get to that point, nothing will help and you will spend the rest of your life feeling like a hypocrite unless you are successful with option 1.

I wish you much hatzlocho on your journey,
signed,
a friend working on recovery

Thanks for pointing out. But this is what I feel (and sort of am) and this is what makes me continue (being a hypocrite) it. I'm all for any options and this site provides the most and I'm grateful for it.

Thanks for pointing out. But this is what I feel (and sort of am) and this is what makes me continue (being a hypocrite) it. I'm all for any options and this site provides the most and I'm grateful for it.

I am writin' this more for myself than for you.

first draft:

I don't care what science says about masturbation!
I don't care what God and the Torah says about it!
I am here, because it is ruinin' my life, and I'd like to live.

second draft:
I don't care what science says about masturbation!
I do care a bit what God and the Torah say about it.
I am here, because it is ruinin' my life, and I'd like to live, but....in the throes of lust, we tend to think that lustin' is also livin', and perhaps even enhancin' life.

b'hatzlachah

IMO, either Draft is fine.

I am not a psychologist nor any sort of scientist, but for me I think the "calmness" associated with masturbation is actually proportional to the stress of not having a fix rather than the inherent euphoria.

In other words, it's like someone who starts smoking cigarettes and then gets addicted. Once addicted, they feel much worse when they *don't* have a cigarette for a while, and then having a fix gives them that satisfaction of a craving, so they feel kinda normal temporarily. Not high, not euphoric, just normal. So a scientific perspective, looking at a cigarette addict (and ignoring the affect on lungs etc.), would conclude that it's totally fine and even encouraged to smoke, so that they feel normal instead of headaches and cravings. So backwards...

It is a very vicious and destructive cycle really. If the "calmness" of masturbation were only the orgasm itself, and then we could move on with life for an indefinite period of time (months, such as we are required when our spouse gives birth- or years, such as before marriage)- then from a non-Torah perspective I would say it really isn't such a problem. But the reality of myself and my guess most men is that it really doesn't work like that, even from a non-Torah perspective. We make it a habit, or at least we look forward to the next opportunity... it clouds our minds and then we only feel clear when we get that craving satisfied.

The goal is to feel clear without it

Let's put science at the Torah to the side for the moment. Ashbalt - for curiosity sake - how do you feel after spending time like that. Closer to friends? G-D? More capable at your job? Do you have enough recent sobriety to know the difference?

Tension is released and is followed by a "Why the hell did I do that?"
My day can suck and be tension free at the same time.
Closer to Hashem? Definitely nope.
Closer to friends? Kinda jealous.

cordnoy wrote on 27 Oct 2014 18:14:

Bump

ashbalt wrote on 26 Oct 2014 23:42:

It most certainly does.....calm for at least half an hour.