cordnoy wrote on 22 Feb 2018 19:15:

After the rearend, the therapist may cv have PTSD and need their own shrink. 
I can recommend 1









The gye captain

In a response to someone who was blamin' God, I wrote:

I'm sorry you feel that way.

I try to remain in the background, but I must say a few things (some may be unpopular).

My life (of well over four decades) - I was surrounded by sickness, death, hospitals, disease, pain, therapists, doctors, psychiatrists, jail, anguish, danger, and more, and by this I am includin' parents and grandparents (young ones), spouse, children, siblings, teachers and students, and I am not referrin' to flus, chicken pox and speedin' tickets.

And yes, all of my wonderful life I chose to ignore this and escape by the only means I knew how, and that was thru the wonderful world of lust, and boy was I good at that. 

And when I began to recover, I would recoil when people spoke about God and higher power and stuff like that, for I had no idea who they were referencin'. Mind you, I am a shomer torah umitzvos par excellence. It's not that I didn't believe in God; I just didn't know Him. And I still don't. I struggle with good and bad and Hashem's will and evil, but I block that all out, for the most part. 

I made the lousy decisions, and I needed to fix them. I went to therapists and specialists and sponsors and meetings. It was my resolve that I messed up and I need to climb outta it. Was there Divine help? I have no idea, nor do I care. Do I feel more of a connection now that I'm sober for over three years? At times.

But if I choose to think too much, I could get very angry, so therefore, I don't.

Recovery is too precious. I am finally livin' a life, although there is so much pain around me. The pain stinks and sucks, but I need to live, and that is only thru sobriety.

God speed to all.

cordnoy wrote on 06 Mar 2018 23:39:

Cords - you are a true model for us in so many ways. 
You are sober for significant time under pressure from many sides. You're obviously doing something very right.
I am though a bit confused. Are you an SA guy? A 12 stepper?
If so how do you understand these steps in light of what you wrote

• Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
• Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

I think HoRav Cord’s point is that we can turn our will and our lives over to God’s care even if we don’t understand Him.

I'm sure there is a good explanation, Cord's is a wise man.
I just know that whatever sobriety I have is intimately connected to what I understand those two steps to be. 
He need not respond.

Just wanted to pick his brain - to learn something.

yiraishamaim wrote on 07 Mar 2018 01:44:

Thank you.

Anyone who has been on my/our step call 8,9,10 times will know that I struggle with step 2. I have always said that I know God could restore us to sanity, but I do not know if He will. And step 3, I don't see a big question. That decision of livin' live accordin' to God's wwillis important. Some do this once and keep goin'. Others do it at every moment. And there are those that can do this only at different intervals. 

I'm between 1 & 3.

In my post above, I wrote that I have no idea if He has helped me or not. I have no idea if He was instrumental in my initial lousy choices. Those who will counter and say, "but Cords, He is involved in everythin'!?" I will agree, but if I think about it, it will make me sick to the stomach.

So it's easier for me to believe in God, know that He could help me, and I try to do things He would approve of.

And I'd really like to start the call again.

cordnoy wrote on 08 Mar 2018 00:19:

So would many here all that is needed is for our dear cords to tell us where when and the # 

IAW (I am waiting)

Reb Meilech says from tzadikim in the past weeks parshah: כי ענן ה' על המשכן - when a person wants to serve Hashem but he cannot because clouds of darkness are hoverin' over him and blocking the light, he should know: that is יומם - those are the days that are truly illuminatin'; however, when he is livin' in a situation of ואש תהיה - everythin' is lit up and he is burnin' with a holy fire, that is לילה, for the primary avodah of mankind is to strengthen himself in the times of darkness and concealment, and this should remain לעיני כל בית ישראל בכל מסעיהם - through one's travels and life tribulations - to strengthen himself when the dark clouds are restin' over him.

beutiful vort! but why do you keep on ending without a g ,its very irratatin`

just sayin` what almost everybodys thinkin`

ieeyc wrote on 13 Mar 2018 13:57:

only those that did not read this whole thread

hey mayan !welcome back! where`ve you been?

nowhere just here for a little then will not have access to internet ..

ashrecha!