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why be afraid of saying "Pornography", "Maturbation"?
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TOPIC: why be afraid of saying "Pornography", "Maturbation"? 19025 Views

Re: why be afraid of saying "Pornography", "Maturbation"? 30 Aug 2011 17:50 #116930

  • gibbor120
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I know I have used divrei kodesh as a trigger as I suspect many have  :-[ :-[
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Re: why be afraid of saying "Pornography", "Maturbation"? 30 Aug 2011 22:07 #117016

  • ben durdayah
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Ayain Shut Noideh Beyehuda Even Haezer...

Wait, one second there -better not... 

You are so right.

Tzadikim yeilchu vom, but others -I'd rather not say...
For Dov and the other two guys who care,
My real name really is
 Eli
Like the original Bendy, Ein hadavar talui ela bee




 
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Re: why be afraid of saying "Pornography", "Maturbation"? 30 Aug 2011 22:52 #117029

  • obormottel
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Gevura ShebYesod wrote on 30 Aug 2011 17:42:

I think there's a big difference between saying a name "B'yod'ah U'makira", and just reading or using a common verb. When I was still living in fantasyland, I would very often say a name to myself in order to awaken the associated fantasy.

OTOH, I too remember as a young teen using the dictionary for kicks. I didn't even understand all the concepts, but I knew they were dirty words....
Once i got older and moved on to thinking about other things, though, the words alone weren't enough anymore.

...sometimes I need to use the full word for emphasis or to make a point.

Gevura!

That's exactly what I was trying to say. Amazing that someone else can relate so well. This forum is G-d sent for us to realize our problems are not unique and there is a way out!
To stress Gevura's point: the verb "ma*******te" IS triggering to "B'yod'ah U'makira"; at least the gemoro seems to HOLD this way. So I don't know about rishoinim v'acharoinim, but if you are intimately familiar with self-pleasuring, to discuss it in the same plain manner as you discuss dinner plans is NOT possible, you will immediately "nikri".
Baby steps.
If the road is pulling you down, it's a sign that you are going uphill, so just press harder on the gas!

Have a great day - unless, of course, you made other plans.
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Re: why be afraid of saying "Pornography", "Maturbation"? 30 Aug 2011 22:57 #117032

  • Jackabbey
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mottel i am with you all the way
we need cleasiness in what we: see, hear, think, talk, smell
שופטים ושוטרים תתן לך בכל שעריך
we need police at all our openings to the outside wolrd
a single word thats similar to the old p*** slogans, can be a full blown trigger, it just diggs out old long forgotten memories
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Re: why be afraid of saying "Pornography", "Maturbation"? 31 Aug 2011 00:24 #117050

  • nebulamud
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and when you write p***, M****, then it doesn't make you think of it? If the meaning is clear, what's the difference if you say it clearly or not?

My holy friends,
kedusha, i dont know exactly what is the difference between seeing the word "Masturbation" and the word "m*", but think it has something to do with the idea of how the brain works. When I see the word M*, i think, ok he is referring to an aveira, what aspect of the aveira? Maybe he is saying how he triumphed over it, maybe its how he fell, but he is going to keep on fighting, maybe he needs some chizuk

When I see the word "Masturbation" I often have a split second flashback to one of the many, many scenes that I use to feed off of. An image of a guy on a couch, and he is doing this in front of a camera. Now I want to see an image of another guy next to him.  But don't worry, soon I snap back and I think, oh right, this guy is talking about his victory with the yetzer harah. This guy is winning. Yay!
That is what happens when I see that word. It can be the difference between a detour though the memory lane of hell, or the road forward.

I only say this because you asked, and I don't expect anyone to have the sensitivity towards this type of issue because it is outside of their consciousness, its something that I am dealing with.
Last Edit: 31 Aug 2011 00:41 by .

Re: why be afraid of saying "Pornography", "Maturbation"? 31 Aug 2011 00:40 #117053

  • obormottel
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NebulaMud wrote on 31 Aug 2011 00:24:

Maybe I do belong in the trash? Gevura shebYesod! Help.

Chas v'sholom v'chas v'sholom!!!!
Nisyoinois are there to elevate us. You can't fight a good fight from out of the trashcan. Act normal  :o
Baby steps.
If the road is pulling you down, it's a sign that you are going uphill, so just press harder on the gas!

Have a great day - unless, of course, you made other plans.
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Re: why be afraid of saying "Pornography", "Maturbation"? 31 Aug 2011 00:42 #117054

  • nebulamud
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obormottel wrote on 31 Aug 2011 00:40:

NebulaMud wrote on 31 Aug 2011 00:24:

Maybe I do belong in the trash? Gevura shebYesod! Help.

Chas v'sholom v'chas v'sholom!!!!
Nisyoinois are there to elevate us. You can't fight a good fight from out of the trashcan. Act normal  :o

I know I recovered, and edited it, just feeling down today, that's all.
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Re: why be afraid of saying "Pornography", "Maturbation"? 31 Aug 2011 02:34 #117079

  • proudjew
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Its simply common sence to avoid writing/saying those words that can initiate a trigger however if absolutely necessary for the other party to understand you then i would write/say it ,just imagine yourself speaking to your well respected rabbi about your sex life
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Re: why be afraid of saying "Pornography", "Maturbation"? 31 Aug 2011 17:10 #117135

  • hubabuba
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Me3 wrote on 30 Aug 2011 14:55:

Do you think that people who refrain from writing  christmas and jesus are in denial as well? How about people who write darn and shoots instead of the more vulgar alternatives? Or is it that they just find it distasteful to use the real words?


would you find it distasteful to use the word christmas if you celebrated it?
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Re: why be afraid of saying "Pornography", "Maturbation"? 31 Aug 2011 17:19 #117137

  • hubabuba
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sometimes, when I'm reading completely innocent material, I'll see a word that I associate with shmutz and it sets me off. A non-addict wouldn't think twice about the word "bed" and many others...
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Re: why be afraid of saying "Pornography", "Maturbation"? 31 Aug 2011 17:26 #117138

  • Yosef Hatzadik
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I also log my vote that such words can trigger.

& yes, I also 'used' sifrei Kodesh....  :-[ :-[



In fact I first learned that it is an aveira when I was looking at the end simanim of Kitzur Shulchan Aruch!

(As have MANY others)
Last Edit: 31 Aug 2011 17:28 by .

Re: why be afraid of saying "Pornography", "Maturbation"? 31 Aug 2011 17:35 #117142

  • Yossi.L.
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Divrei Kedusha as a trigger.......so true......however it's disturbingly sad that that wouldn't be a trigger for me anymore.......it was the lack of anything more available that lead me to be triggered by those simanim.......oyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!! How much I've pained my neshama!
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Re: why be afraid of saying "Pornography", "Maturbation"? 31 Aug 2011 17:37 #117144

  • Yossi.L.
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I recant my last comment.....anything can be a trigger for me now as well. How ignorant I was to think that I'm immune from that trigger!
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Re: why be afraid of saying 20 Nov 2016 16:13 #298143

  • Markz
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Yosef Hatzadik wrote on 31 Aug 2011 17:26:
I also log my vote that such words can trigger.

& yes, I also 'used' sifrei Kodesh....  :-[ :-[



In fact I first learned that it is an aveira when I was looking at the end simanim of Kitzur Shulchan Aruch!

(As have MANY others)

If you're around
Yosef, I'm wondering aloud.
Perhaps that's how it was before your recent decent sobriety streak. Meaning to say - I wonder if all recovered guys whether addict or not, have a problem writing out p o r n o g r a p h y.

My hunch is that they don't, whereas all non sober guys are the ones that can have issue with it (because triggers are everywhere), and as Watson mentioned recently it may be more productive if they say it how it is, for the purpose of recovery

What you think?
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Re: why be afraid of saying 20 Nov 2016 17:11 #298146

  • Workingguy
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I want to add- studies have shown that when they take two groups on diets, one who can't say the word chocolate and one who can talk about it whenever they want, the one who can talk about it does much BETTER.

So, while I too find words triggering in articles and the like, in these forums and in therapy I find that hiding behind euphemisms creates more issues than speaking clearly. But I'd imagine it's dependent on each person.
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