Read once, then minimize to save screen space.

Forum Overview

Post on the forum to get support, tell your story and reach out for help when feeling weak!

You will never be alone in this struggle again.

The GYE forum is anonymous platform of group support, and a life-line of chizuk for hundreds of people in exactly your situation. 

To use the forum you need to first become a member of the site, sign up here.

After signing up to the site, go to the forum, enter one of our boards and press "New Topic" to begin posting! 
Welcome, Guest
GYE
Forum for Jewish Men
Break Free

why be afraid of saying "Pornography", "Maturbation"?
(0 viewing) 
A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.
Reply Topic
New Topic

TOPIC: why be afraid of saying "Pornography", "Maturbation"? 16095 Views

why be afraid of saying "Pornography", "Maturbation"? 29 Aug 2011 13:11 #116708

  • hubabuba
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 423
  • Karma: 0
Why is (almost) everyone scared of writing the full word "masturbation", "pornography"?
It always says "m******, P******" or something like that.
It's like "He Who Must Not Be Named", for all you harry potter fans

The point is, when you are scared of writing it, it seems to me like there's a form of denial going on. Like, subconsciously, you're not willing to admit that you're really involved with this stuff.
I feel very strongly that you should not be scared of saying it, straight out.
Can you imagine a psychologist saying "well, have you ever, well you know, done, um, P&M, YEAH, THAT'S IT! have you ever done P&M?"
If we were clean it would be one thing; I can hear that some people are so distant from it and FEEL that it's so dirty that it's like saying "CHAZIR" instead of "DAVAR ACHER".
But for us? Are we coming from a holy place when we don't write the full word, or are coming from denial?

I'd love to hear other perspectives...
Last Edit: by .

Re: why be afraid of saying "Pornography", "Maturbation"? 29 Aug 2011 15:55 #116726

  • AlexEliezer
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1879
  • Karma: 54
Chazal teach us to use clean speech wherever practical.
Last Edit: by .

Re: why be afraid of saying "Pornography", "Maturbation"? 29 Aug 2011 16:11 #116728

  • gibbor120
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • NEVER EVER GIVE UP!
  • Posts: 5250
  • Karma: 158
Yes, but his question is whether or not that is the real motivation.  I think many times it is in fact denial.  I know that I had a hard time writing it myself.  That's exactly why I forced myself to do it.
Last Edit: by .

Re: why be afraid of saying "Pornography", "Maturbation"? 29 Aug 2011 16:50 #116741

  • AlexEliezer
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1879
  • Karma: 54

I hear
Last Edit: by .

Re: why be afraid of saying "Pornography", "Maturbation"? 29 Aug 2011 20:07 #116774

  • nebulamud
  • Current streak: 5 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Senior Boarder
  • Posts: 68
  • Karma: 1
I think that for some people (maybe me) there could be a risk that even using the word "masturbation" or "porn" could cause them to start thinking about it, and that can quickly turn into a sort of, "Well... Don't you really want to do that?"

To be very blunt, and perhaps rude, but it's the only way to really express what I am basically saying; Its like saying the word FULL-CREAM-VANILLA-ICE-CREAM!!!!mmmm.... in a location where everyone is on a diet.
That's how I see it anyway, and you did ask for some other perspectives
Last Edit: by .

Re: why be afraid of saying "Pornography", "Maturbation"? 29 Aug 2011 20:40 #116784

  • hubabuba
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 423
  • Karma: 0
gibbor120 wrote on 29 Aug 2011 16:11:

Yes, but his question is whether or not that is the real motivation.  I think many times it is in fact denial.  I know that I had a hard time writing it myself.  That's exactly why I forced myself to do it.

Not only do I think that for most people, the real motivation is denial, but I think (just off-the-cuff logic) that even if Lashon Nekiya applies here, the value of being honest with your addiction would trump the value of speaking in clean language.
Last Edit: by .

Re: why be afraid of saying "Pornography", "Maturbation"? 29 Aug 2011 20:43 #116785

  • hubabuba
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 423
  • Karma: 0
NebulaMud wrote on 29 Aug 2011 20:07:

I think that for some people (maybe me) there could be a risk that even using the word "masturbation" or "porn" could cause them to start thinking about it, and that can quickly turn into a sort of, "Well... Don't you really want to do that?"

To be very blunt, and perhaps rude, but it's the only way to really express what I am basically saying; Its like saying the word FULL-CREAM-VANILLA-ICE-CREAM!!!!mmmm.... in a location where everyone is on a diet.
That's how I see it anyway, and you did ask for some other perspectives


and when you write p***, M****, then it doesn't make you think of it? If the meaning is clear, what's the difference if you say it clearly or not?
Last Edit: by .

Re: why be afraid of saying "Pornography", "Maturbation"? 29 Aug 2011 20:46 #116786

  • Gevura Shebyesod
  • Current streak: 2474 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 3884
  • Karma: 437
kidushashem wrote on 29 Aug 2011 13:11:

Why is (almost) everyone scared of writing the full word "masturbation", "pornography"?
It always says "m******, P******" or something like that.
It's like "He Who Must Not Be Named", for all you harry potter fans

The point is, when you are scared of writing it, it seems to me like there's a form of denial going on. Like, subconsciously, you're not willing to admit that you're really involved with this stuff.
I feel very strongly that you should not be scared of saying it, straight out.
Can you imagine a psychologist saying "well, have you ever, well you know, done, um, P&M, YEAH, THAT'S IT! have you ever done P&M?"
If we were clean it would be one thing; I can hear that some people are so distant from it and FEEL that it's so dirty that it's like saying "CHAZIR" instead of "DAVAR ACHER".
But for us? Are we coming from a holy place when we don't write the full word, or are coming from denial?

I'd love to hear other perspectives...


To carry on the Harry Potter analogy (i'm a huge fan), Harry himself, the one who was fighting the evil head on, had no problem saying the word. Everyone else couldn't say it, because they were (maybe sub-consciously) in denial.

So too, we who know the true face of the evil that we face and fight, should not be scared to use the necessary words to express our struggle.

Gevura!
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...





My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends
Last Edit: by .

Re: why be afraid of saying "Pornography", "Maturbation"? 29 Aug 2011 20:56 #116788

  • gibbor120
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • NEVER EVER GIVE UP!
  • Posts: 5250
  • Karma: 158
kidushashem wrote on 29 Aug 2011 20:40:

gibbor120 wrote on 29 Aug 2011 16:11:

Yes, but his question is whether or not that is the real motivation.  I think many times it is in fact denial.  I know that I had a hard time writing it myself.  That's exactly why I forced myself to do it.

Not only do I think that for most people, the real motivation is denial, but I think (just off-the-cuff logic) that even if Lashon Nekiya applies here, the value of being honest with your addiction would trump the value of speaking in clean language.


Yes, the torah says ainenu tehora to teach us the value of lashon nekiya.  OTOH, the torah generally uses the word tamei because a person should always teach b'derech kitzarah.  So when there is a benefit, one can use the lashon that is not quite as nakiyah.
Last Edit: by .

Re: why be afraid of saying "Pornography", "Maturbation"? 29 Aug 2011 21:02 #116793

  • ZemirosShabbos
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • pass the compote
  • Posts: 6153
  • Karma: 68
kidushashem wrote on 29 Aug 2011 20:40:

gibbor120 wrote on 29 Aug 2011 16:11:

Yes, but his question is whether or not that is the real motivation.  I think many times it is in fact denial.  I know that I had a hard time writing it myself.  That's exactly why I forced myself to do it.

Not only do I think that for most people, the real motivation is denial, but I think (just off-the-cuff logic) that even if Lashon Nekiya applies here, the value of being honest with your addiction would trump the value of speaking in clean language.

[shaking head in agreement]
Sometimes life is like tuna with not enough mayonaise
~Inna beshem ZS

Give, Forgive
~Cordnoy

The reason I'm acting as if I'm pregnant, is because I'm expecting. I should be accepting.
~TZ
Last Edit: by .

Re: why be afraid of saying "Pornography", "Maturbation"? 29 Aug 2011 21:03 #116795

  • hubabuba
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 423
  • Karma: 0
Gevura ShebYesod wrote on 29 Aug 2011 20:46:

kidushashem wrote on 29 Aug 2011 13:11:

Why is (almost) everyone scared of writing the full word "masturbation", "pornography"?
It always says "m******, P******" or something like that.
It's like "He Who Must Not Be Named", for all you harry potter fans

The point is, when you are scared of writing it, it seems to me like there's a form of denial going on. Like, subconsciously, you're not willing to admit that you're really involved with this stuff.
I feel very strongly that you should not be scared of saying it, straight out.
Can you imagine a psychologist saying "well, have you ever, well you know, done, um, P&M, YEAH, THAT'S IT! have you ever done P&M?"
If we were clean it would be one thing; I can hear that some people are so distant from it and FEEL that it's so dirty that it's like saying "CHAZIR" instead of "DAVAR ACHER".
But for us? Are we coming from a holy place when we don't write the full word, or are coming from denial?

I'd love to hear other perspectives...


To carry on the Harry Potter analogy (i'm a huge fan), Harry himself, the one who was fighting the evil head on, had no problem saying the word. Everyone else couldn't say it, because they were (maybe sub-consciously) in denial.

So too, we who know the true face of the evil that we face and fight, should not be scared to use the necessary words to express our struggle.

Gevura!


Nice! Now, how can we get horcruxes in there?
Last Edit: by .

Re: why be afraid of saying "Pornography", "Maturbation"? 29 Aug 2011 21:05 #116796

  • hubabuba
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 423
  • Karma: 0
gibbor120 wrote on 29 Aug 2011 20:56:

kidushashem wrote on 29 Aug 2011 20:40:

gibbor120 wrote on 29 Aug 2011 16:11:

Yes, but his question is whether or not that is the real motivation.  I think many times it is in fact denial.  I know that I had a hard time writing it myself.  That's exactly why I forced myself to do it.

Not only do I think that for most people, the real motivation is denial, but I think (just off-the-cuff logic) that even if Lashon Nekiya applies here, the value of being honest with your addiction would trump the value of speaking in clean language.


Yes, the torah says ainenu tehora to teach us the value of lashon nekiya.  OTOH, the torah generally uses the word tamei because a person should always teach b'derech kitzarah.  So when there is a benefit, one can use the lashon that is not quite as nakiyah.

shkoyach! where is this gemara? I learned it once...
Last Edit: by .

Re: why be afraid of saying "Pornography", "Maturbation"? 29 Aug 2011 21:08 #116799

  • gibbor120
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • NEVER EVER GIVE UP!
  • Posts: 5250
  • Karma: 158
hmmmm.  I will have to look it up. If I find it I will let you know B"N.
Last Edit: by .

Re: why be afraid of saying "Pornography", "Maturbation"? 29 Aug 2011 21:09 #116800

  • ZemirosShabbos
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • pass the compote
  • Posts: 6153
  • Karma: 68
beginning of Pesachim, daf 3a. e-daf.com
Sometimes life is like tuna with not enough mayonaise
~Inna beshem ZS

Give, Forgive
~Cordnoy

The reason I'm acting as if I'm pregnant, is because I'm expecting. I should be accepting.
~TZ
Last Edit: 29 Aug 2011 21:16 by .

Re: why be afraid of saying "Pornography", "Maturbation"? 29 Aug 2011 21:16 #116803

  • Yossi.L.
  • Current streak: 2 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 339
  • Karma: 0
I think it depends on each person. Some people, such as myself, although very comfortable with saying masturbation when necessary, still have a sensitivity towards the animalistic nature of it. Although we are among fellow addicts, and we all have excessive familiarity with both porn and masturbation, we still have retained the sensitive nature of these sins.

When I was a teenager I attempted to defy this sensitivity and use the words "sex" and "masturbation" regularly to try to justify my addiction. I would make fun of those that felt uncomfortable when I would breach these subjects. How beautiful it is that the pintele yid within me has come out victorious. Although my yetzer hare fought a draconian war to eradicate the shame that was naturally placed within us, ultimately David conquered Goliath.
Last Edit: by .
Reply Topic
New Topic
GYE
Forum for Jewish Men
Break Free
Moderators: skeptical, the.guard, yechidah, Kedusha, Dov, cordnoy, MenachemGYE
Powered by Kunena
Time to create page: 0.51 seconds

Are you sure?

Yes