Dov Answers

Teen: So I was successful for 2 weeks and then I messed up (the school doesn't filter the computers that they give out). Dov: You practiced the right thing for 2 weeks. You got 2 weeks worth of practice living the clean life. Nice! Teen: Yeah def. I guess the only way t...

When I start to fantasise or have euphoric recall, I have to accept I cannot use lust successfully. Can you share how you diffuse the situation? Specifically, people have been saying "get on your knees and ask for G-d". Where does G-d come into those moments? Dov Responds...

Dov, who is clean in SA for 25 years, quoted Rabbi Twerski z"l who once said that if a person is not truly an addict, it is highly unlikely they will ever work the 12 Step program honestly. So someone asked Dov: "How does one know if one is truly an addict?" Dov Responds:...

I think that this recording (Shiur #8 of Dov's Shovavim Chaburah) was a very good one, in my opinion. The entire subject and what he writes (in the Kuntress "Derech Emes", is controversial. I think if you listen carefully, you will understand very well why so many frumm...

Dear Dov, What are some things we can do to build integrity into our lives? Sometimes there seems to be some in one area, but less in another. -Looking for Integrity Dear Looking, There are many ways of bringing Integrity into our lives but I believe that all of them are...

Dear GYE, There are no words to thank you for the tremendous help and support you provide. I have worked on many of the tools, but I think I need the most help in one area. How to properly deal with "sticky thoughts." Fantasies and triggers will often sneak in. I am comp...

Question: Dear Dov, As someone who is 20+ years clean in SA and (as it seems from your writings) has learned how to surrender lust, I wanted to ask you about shmiras einayim in the street, which is something I struggle with a lot. Are you always successful in guarding you...

Duvid Chaim asks: It’s always been a frustration of mine and many many men I talk to - that the Gemaras don’t “seem” to address addictions. No frum struggler wants to feel like the Torah doesn’t understand his plight. If you or anyone else has some insights, please sha...

Dear Dov, A woman wrote to us admitting that she did terrible things, lied a lot, and ruined her life as a result. Her children were taken away from her, she is on parole, etc... She is devastated, feels hopeless, and is racked by guilt. Dov Responds: Hashem loved her ...

Dov Responds: There are two things here, as I see it: 1- the 12 Steps themselves, and 2- 12 step culture. The culture of the 12 step fellowships is described pretty well in the sefer "B'nei Machshovah Tova" by the Piasetzner hy"d even tho he surely never heard of AA...

Yaakov asks Dov: If someone (who is likely an addict) asks us about the "issur" in these things, how do you suggest we steer them to the real issues? Dov Responds: Try to see if they are really convinced that if they could be convinced it were assur, they'd stop. Once ...

Dov Answers: I'm told by a CSAT friend of mine that the current opinion among many CSATs is that it's better to avoid using the 'addict' label and model with clients, at least initially, and that giving the label is potentially damaging for many who are not addicts (and c...

Miri writes: Hi. Your organization seems to be wonderful and helpful to many people. Hashem should pay you all back thousand-fold!!! I am not sure if you can help me with this but I'm a bit stuck and not sure where to turn right now. I had a sexual experience when I was...

I like to be real, not philosophical. The body is craving the masturbation and does it ("leiv chomed uk'lei mayseh gomrin"). And the body rarely cares about philosophy, of course. The body is what's getting the payoff here. I would never have stopped due to halacha - aye,...

Dov Responds: One of the safer places for a female sexaholic is a sexaholics meeting because the men there are known entities - they are all essentially wearing a sign over their heads that says to the female member, "Hi. I'm a womanizer/stalker/worshiper of people like y...

The Torah does not talk about any mental illnesses directly. The main reason this omission vexes so many and is a recurrent topic on GYE is simple: this particular addiction happens to involve a sin, while alcoholism and drug-addiction do not. Suddenly, an emergency ens...

I believe that the main reason we cannot find one eitza that works is because an eitza is always, that means without exception, nothing more than a gimmick. Gimmicks are tricks that are used in order to bypass real change. They may prevent the behavior, but consider this...