The Library

Intro from Dov: A guy wrote back and forth with me basically saying that he really wants to change - yet every suggestion that the program has made for him to actually do, he has refused. All he wants is to recover secretly, on his own. He is sure that unlike everybody el...

My wife (the wife of an addict) was referred to go to a group whose meetings are held at 'Church basements'. Is it permissible to step into a church building? I saw the quote of R' Shmuel Kamenitzki, but he's talking of the addict himself - and this is the way he express...

Once I indulge in my vice, I transform. I become cold & unresponsive Completely dependent on continued escapism. It becomes as necessary as food. I think of nothing but escaping. People, my goals, my ideals, G-d, they all fade away. My st...

Someone asked Dov: "I never understood why our Higher Power would restore us to sanity. Someone from SA told me it just works and never mind why." Dov Replies: "Wasn't your motive for desperately searching out and drinking in porn, fantasy and masturbation *always* in or...

Ask yourself if you still really believe you are unable to use the behaviors you used to depend on, and if you are unable to control them at all and are really finished with them. Then, ask Hashem to help you stay clean today. I never ask for His help to tomorrow. (Ok, re...

One guy wrote: Todays' fall happened in slow motion. I got depressed about the state of my marriage over some stupid comment my wife said. I then went to a meeting that had it's location changed, but no one cared to tell me about. I wandered around, in a depressed funk, k...

We tried to offer advice to someone who posted for help on the forum and suggested things like phone groups, therapy, partners, etc... He replied as follows: "My wife knows nothing of my addiction, so any phone group really wouldn't work. Going to a therapist is also a pr...

"B'ahava" asks on the forum: I am struggling with depression and I can't pinpoint what's causing these feelings. From an objective perspective, my life is just fine. In fact, better than ever. I'm 70 days clean! That was unimaginable for me for the past 8 years. I feel li...

A Non-Jew, who has been getting the Chizuk e-mails for almost two years, wrote me an e-mail today: Dear Guard, Recently, I have been thinking to myself that God wants us to fulfill our full potential. However, how can we do that if we've been weakened, bloodied and scarre...

To me, "getting out of His way" is something we slowly begin to do in recovery. Using schmutz is our way of staying in control. Arranging to get exactly what we want when we want it, avoiding pain whenever we wish, and manipulating the environment to make it exciting ...

Someone wrote to Dov: I recently fell after a clean period of 40 days, and it hurts. How can I finally beat this thing so that I never come back to it? I want to do a real, permanent Teshuva rather than having the difficulty to build till I just lose again! Do...

Someone asked on the forum: How can we give to G-d? G-d doesn't get anything when we do a mitzva..... (See this link for an interesting take on this question) Dov replies: The entire issue seems a boondoggle to me. Just like figuring out exactly why and to precisely what...

There are many who say "I tried/did/worked the 12 steps", and they mean they read a book, answered the questions, did some writing assignments and followed the program to the end.... But they did it all alone. Just a little plug for "the program" as I know it: Working the...

If we could actually say that knowing this (the intricacies of the issurim) would necessarily make an iota of difference in getting someone to stop for good, I'd promptly shut up. But I do not believe it is so in many cases. Of the following two choices, which is more lik...

Question: I can't believe I keep falling for the Y"H's tricks. A couple of days ago my wife insisted we see a movie. No nudity, but of course it had an attractive actress. Of course I couldn't get her out of my head. And that was a slippery slope downwards for me. Yes, my...

Rashkebehag asked on the forum: How can a person know what his job really is? If the garbage collector had gotten a better education, he might have become the King's minister, but he was lazy and ended up being just a garbage collector. How can he walk with his head held ...

The GYE set me up with a partner... I gather that we're supposed to tell each other exactly what we're thinking and want to do in our lusty moments (I got that from your posts). My question is, if we're at the same level, is there not a danger that we could trigger each o...

The entire flavor of my relationship with Hashem before recovery was one of drama. "I want to do better! I want to stop!" ... then I'd act out and come back to Him saying, "Take me back!! Please take me back!"... and he'd take me back, I guess... Then I'd feel deep feelin...