Dov Answers

Dear GYE, I don't know what my husband does or doesn't do regarding the Internet - he plays the innocent card - but I caught him watching porn several years back, and he never came clean to me, saying, "it's in my past, I'm doing GYE." He gets your emails but they rarely ...

"Dear Nathan! Congratulations! That is beautiful. May Hashem be with you! In my opinion, your struggles in SA had nothing to do with their definition of sobriety, but rather with your sponsor. A sponsor should not consider lusting to be a fall unless the sponsee acted ...

Dov writes: Sometimes guys write to me about SSA. I responded to a couple of them with this (below) as a start to the right conversation: As far as myself, I do not see any similarity that homosexuality bears to addiction. Do you? It seems like a separate issue and ther...

The GYE forums are often breeding grounds for heated discussions / arguments for and against 12-Step groups, whether or not they are in accordance with the Torah, and why or why not the Torah hasn’t been enough to stop the struggling Yid from his behaviors. Dov, who is cl...

Someone wrote: I act out with masturbation more often and more rarely do I spend some time browsing dirty sites (like once a month or once in 2 months). Is there a point to make a TaPHSiC shvuah for the shmutz if I anyway can't stop the masturbation? GYE Responds: Fr...

Tomorrow I will iyH complete my first (hopefully of many) 90 days clean bH. My problem is that every time I start having accomplishments in these areas I start to feel like I overcame the problem and start slacking off and before long end up back @ square 1. My first ques...

The Gemora Brachos 13a discusses whether we will still refer to Hashem as the 'One who took us out of Mitzrayim' when Moshiach comes. The Gemara concludes that it will not make much sense to us to do that. It brings the example of a man who is endangered by a succession o...

Dear Bewildered, Good question, I asked this of Dov once. The answer is, that we get MORE sensitive to lust triggers when we LET IN even a little bit of lust. However, we are LESS PRONE to letting it in at all because we recognize how poisonous it is for us. So even if a ...

Answer: We sent your question to Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski (author of over 60 books on psychology), and also discussed it with some of the experts on our team. We feel that you will need to choose between two options, depending on the type of relationship you have with yo...

"Eden" wrote a poem & asks a question: Once I indulge in my vice, I transform. I become cold & unresponsive Completely dependent on continued escapism. It becomes as necessary as food. I think of nothing but escaping. People, my goals, my ideals, G-d, they all fa...

Someone wrote: How do I reveal to my wife what I’m going through and get her to agree to let me join the SA groups? Dov Answers: There are only three ways I know of to "get your wife to allow it", my sweet friend: One is by getting caught and losing a job or two over it...

Someone asked Dov: "I'm scared to join the 12-Step phone groups. Is it possible to do the 12 steps by email?"   Dov's response: Your sincere questions are very meaningful to me, personally. I also tried for years to hide as much as possible of my identity from my wife, fr...

Bruce posted on the forum: OK folks, I have to shamefully announce yet again that I had a fall this weekend. Perhaps it is the final push of the Y'H before I start the 90 day challenge. He knows I'll make it, so he's trying to delay it. And he did a good job, too. But whe...

Dov writes on the forum: Once sobriety became my #1 priority and I achieved some time sober, it became precious. And to do anything that will make me lose it, is unthinkable. Nevertheless, when I feel lust, suddenly doing the unthinkable becomes very sensible, and I actua...

Someone posted a great question on the forum: I AM WONDERING IF THERE IS ANYTHING ONE CAN DO NOT TO GET STIMULATED FROM TRIGGERING SIGHTS OR SITUATIONS? I AM NOT LOOKING FOR NISYONOS RATHER I AM TRYING TO FIND A WAY HOW TO CONTROL MY MIND AFTER I SEE SOMETHING THAT BOTHER...

Rashkebahag asks on the forum: I find that people under stress are very prone to this addiction. They use it as an escape. I am under stress in many areas of my life. I used to think that maybe the stress is a divine punishment for my bad habit, but now that I am genuinel...

I've been slipping a lot lately, doing things and going places I know shouldn't. It's so hard to fight this addiction. I feel a desperate need inside me for a loving and intimate relationship. I wanted to know what you think about marriage. It's been on my mind lately, I ...

Dear Guard, Please read my story below. I need advice about what I must do now. My name is Rabbi Moshe, I am a sex and love addict and a kiruv professional. My addiction has progressed to exhibitionism, threatening my parnosso and my sanity. I am also very addicted to por...