Dov Answers

As for me, the question is not whether you need a twelve step program, but whether you are beaten yet. If you believe that there is still hope for you to quit by your own willpower (with occasional chizzuk, of course), then I see no reason to quit trying. I kept trying fo...

Someone asks Dov: You often talk about working the steps so we learn to "talk and behave differently than in the past". Would you please elaborate? Dov Answers: There are many ways we feed our problem. Physical ways, for example: looking at things that are damaging for u...

Someone asks Dov: Asking Hashem to save me and remove my lust has not seemed to work; I still masturbate once a week. Why is it not working? Maybe Hashem just wants us to fight this ourselves? Dov Replies: Far be it for me to say, "your missing ingredient is this, or that...

Lust usually feels great... and horrifyingly 'emptying'. It is very powerful, especially because it creates bodily sensations, and that kind of thing is incontrovertible. The body is convinced that it is truly good and that we need it. And you cannot argue with a body... ...

"Aaron4" wrote: I think the expression "stopping cold turkey" is misleading.What does it mean?Not acting out?But what if you fantasize each time you see a trigger, yet still manage not to act out? Are you really sober? I don't know... So where is the line that defines sob...

"NoWhereToTurn" writes: Sholom Aleichem warriors, I am a regular 15 yr old yeshiva bochur in a top yeshiva in Monsey, but I have internet at home. Besides for my own problems with watching my eyes and controlling my hotzoas zera that has been with me for years, I noticed...

"We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves" Someone posted on the forum: Usually I am a very calm person. Now I feel like a woman. I am very aware of my moods and I feel that I have very bad days and very euphoric days. I also feel very angry a lot ...

Someone who has been in SA groups in the past yet is still experiencing frequent falls, posted some of his story and ends with the following: How can I think this way after so many years of pain and humiliation? It seems that anyone else who has experienced the pain that...

Your note reminds me of a lot of stuff my wife and I have been through. I will try to share everything I have about this, be"H, with you. Please read it over and please bear with me. Forgive me if I say anything that sounds judgmental or critical of you , as I mean n...

Someone asked Dov: If our addiction is a result of a void we feel, then theoretically, someone who has filled the void should not at all be affected by triggers, right? So why is this a daily struggle still, even for those in recovery? Why does it seem that even you, Dov,...

Someone asks Dov: Everyone keeps mentioning how they "work" the steps everyday. Can I have specific instructions on how that is done every day? I know the steps and try to work em, but clearly I don't get it... Dov Replies: Working the steps is exactly what it sounds li...

Someone wrote: Although I am clean just three weeks, I feel like this whole tumah thing is a million miles away. Like it was just a bad dream. I try to imagine it and I think to myself, "what, I did such things?". So I guess I am ripe for the Yetzer Hara to catch me off g...

ZD writes: My life as a lust addict: I spent three hours on my computer typing every obscenity in just "to see" if I can bypass the filter. I actually was able to bypass it in the end and access porn. It was as if I needed to know that I could access it. At that point I j...

Someone asked Dov: Dov, they say you've been clean in SA for 13 years. Does that mean that you did not make even ONE mistake? Dov Replies: No, it does not mean that. I use the sobriety definition of SA as explained to me by my sponsor and others. My sobriety date only mea...

Someone asks Dov: I had a question. What do you think about tefillah? Where does asking Hashem to cure us come in to the process of recovery? I assume you would still say that we should do/need the 12 steps... But why isn't Torah and tefilla and remorse good enough? Dov...

Someone asks Dov: I am trying to understand the psychological factors in sexual acting out. I am, as far as I am aware, a popular, respected and emotionally balanced person. I grew up in an emotionally stable home and environment, and I cannot recall anything specific ...

The first 3 Steps of the 12-Steps state: 1. We admitted we were powerless over lust--that our lives had become unmanageable. 2. We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. 3. We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to ...

Someone asks Dov: The second step says: "We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity". Isn't that obvious for a frum Yid? Dov Replies: Sorry. It's not so simple. Take lust, for example. Do you believe in lust - or do you believe in Ha...