The Library

When Is Sex An Addiction?

By obormottel
From a therapist’s point of view, sex addiction is a dysfunctional preoccupation with sex that continues for a period of at least six months despite negative consequences and attempts to either quit or curtail the problem-causing behaviors. In other words, sex addicti...
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Let go!

By obormottel
There is the story of the man who fell off a cliff in the dark and on the way down grasped a branch and hung on for dear life. Weakening, he finally cried out to heaven, "Please help me!" and the answer came, "Let go!" "But if I let go I'll die," the man replied. "Let g...
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The Twelve Steps: A Spiritual Program

By obormottel
Retorno.org | Introduction My friend was sitting with me, and he said once and for all that God had done for him what he could not have done for himself. His human desire had failed, and doctors had said that he was incurable. And then something lifted him...
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How to Find a Sponsor?

By obormottel
Are you new to recovery? If you are reading this and you answer this question with a solid yet resigned YES, walking into a 12-step meeting can be overwhelming. The sights, the sounds, the smell of strong coffee, strangers engaging in recovery speak that sounds like a...
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In our addiction, "in order to be free of it, we have to do it."  - The White Book of SA.
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The God I serve is bigger than the problems I encounter. I focus on HIM, and not my struggles!
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To SA or not to SA? That is the question...

By obormottel
Dear GYE, In 2011, I discovered that I had a problem and I turned to you guys, who eventually sent me to a 12-step group. I stayed clean for 3.5 years with relatively good recovery. My wife, however, hated the groups so much that we almost divorced over them. She could ...
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Thoughts from the Heart

By obormottel
Dear GYE Family, I hope everyone had an easy fast and a meaningful and uplifting Yom Kippur. Now as we move from the Yemei HaDin (which were also Yemei HaSimcha) into the days of Z'man Simchaseinu, I'd like to share a few thoughts with the chevra, which have special signi...
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The 12-Step Program in Tehillim

By the.guard
In 1935, through divine intervention, Bill and Bob discovered a program for addicts that would change the lives of millions of people around the world. The underlying message of the program is that by trusting completely in Hashem’s kindness, even if we don’t deserve i...
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Our Yiddishkeit Changes in Recovery

By the.guard
The Gemora Brachos 13a discusses whether we will still refer to Hashem as the 'One who took us out of Mitzrayim' when Moshiach comes. The Gemara concludes that it will not make much sense to us to do that. It brings the example of a man who is endangered by a succession o...
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Yiddishkeit and 12 Steps: The Rabbi's Opinion

By obormottel
A number of people have raised the issue of the relationship of the 12-step program to Yiddishkeit. Some have indicated that they were “frum” during their active addiction but that they dropped their Yiddishkeit during the program. In order to address these issues, I thin...
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Came To Believe - My Journey Towards My G-d

By obormottel
Years before I came to SA and recovery, someone showed me the 12 steps. I had a read of them and, to be honest, they went right over my head. Sure, I believed "in a Power greater than myself". What kind of a frum Jew was I if I hadn't "turned my will over to G-d"? I went...
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Powerlessness

By obormottel
Step One of the SA program is: "We admitted we were powerless over lust, that our lives have become unmanageable". So what does powerless actually mean? When I first got into the program, I was taught by a fellow member that what we mean by powerless is that I can't use...
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From Tzavaat Harivash [Baal Shem Tov]

By obormottel
"Shiviti- I have set God before me at all times." (Psalms16:8)Shiviti is an expression of hishtavut (equanimity): No matter what happens, whether people praise or shame you, and so, too, with anything else, it is all the same to you. This applies likewise to any food: it ...
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Identification

By obormottel
It's been frequently noted that to tell anyone, "I love you," we need first be able to declare the "I." And only when we develop a personal identity may we respond personally to life. So identification with another and with life is an art that starts with identifying ours...
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Criticism of 12 Steps? Rabbi Twerski responds.

By obormottel
I read the article you sent me by this Rabbi criticizing the 12-step program. Rather than responding to each point, I would like to discuss a broader issue. Sexual addiction and pornography are now epidemic, even among frum people, and are destroying families. The followi...
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Letting Go is Hard

By obormottel
This had happened a while ago in Manhattan: Do you know that doors of a subway train do not open unless the conductor in the middle car presses the button? They do NOT act like an elevator's doors - if you stick your hand in an elevator while the doors are closing, there ...
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Errare humanum est

By obormottel
We are on a path that leads us to become better people with greater insight and stronger character. A central theme on this path is learning to take responsibility for ourselves, our mistakes, and our choices as we deal with our situations. We can make progress on this ...
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