The Library

Powerless is Anti-Torah!

Powerless is Anti-Torah!

By obormottel
Someone wrote: The 12-Steps speak about how we are powerless. This seems to me to be ANT-TORAH!! It may SEEM like we're powerless, and it may be EXTREMELY difficult (like it is for me) but powerless?? The very first mussar shmooze in the Torah was given by the MASTER HI...
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Can a 'lukewarm' use of the 12 steps be helpful for someone who isn't a real addict?

By obormottel
Dov Responds: There are two things here, as I see it: 1- the 12 Steps themselves, and 2- 12 step culture. The culture of the 12 step fellowships is described pretty well in the sefer "B'nei Machshovah Tova" by the Piasetzner hy"d even tho he surely never heard of AA...
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How long until things get stable after recovery?

By obormottel
Addiction Research Expert William White examines the data known today and suggests that after 5 years of recovery, things seem to stabilize for most people, requiring a greater force at that time to toss them into relapse. See from his blog below: For years I have b...
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Can 12 Steps be used by non-Addicts?

By obormottel
Dov Answers: I'm told by a CSAT friend of mine that the current opinion among many CSATs is that it's better to avoid using the 'addict' label and model with clients, at least initially, and that giving the label is potentially damaging for many who are not addicts (and c...
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What is the 12-Step Meeting Etiquette?

By obormottel
First and foremost it is a sign of humility for the newcomer to prioritize listening over sharing. New members generally know very little about living a healthy, sober life and the only way to learn from the experience of others is to listen to them. It is not appropriat...
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What Does "Powerless" really mean?

By GYE Admin
"Powerless" has nothing whatsoever to do with 'ilmolei ozro, eino yachol lo' and is not the flipside of 'hakol bidei Shomayim chutz miyir'as Shomayim', at all. Whether I am in control or not is a simple fact: if I cannot stop having sex with myself (most folks call that ...
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Every young man's struggle - or addiction?

By obormottel
Our Reply: Dear Bewildered Tzadik, it is good that you are reaching out for help. Although we get tens of emails like yours every day, your email shook me up. Firstly, because of the statistics you quoted (75%!) and, secondly, because of how you make it sound: as if the...
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Is it permissible to enter a church to attend a 12-step meeting?

By obormottel
RABBI YEHOSHUA KAGANOFF Passaic, NJ 07055 201-953-2703 20 Sivan, 5776 / 26 June ‘16 Below is the pertinent part of my responsum to a highly regarded, prominent Talmid Chochom Posek, which is found on pg 158 of my sefer on addiction and halocho. I have translated (and ann...
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How can I reconcile Torah and 12 steps?

By obormottel
Rabbi Kaganoff's "Addictions: Halocho and Hashkofo." This book is a few hundred pages long, but if you have the time and the patience, you will find most of your concerns with the 12 steps, attending meetings, etc. adequately addressed. In particular, the question "Are th...
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What to Expect During Your First 12-Step Meeting

By obormottel
Many first-timers are amazed by the cordial, relaxed atmosphere of 12-step meetings and the eclectic mix of people in attendance. Firstly, you should know that are two types of "traditional" 12-Step support group meetings: open and closed. Open meetings are for anyone wh...
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The 'Nachas Ruach' Treatment Model

By obormottel
Torah Perspectives on the Twelve StepsIn this section we will analyze the Twelve Step program of addictions and recovery from a Torah perspective. In recent years the Twelve Step program has become widely accepted both in Israel and in the Jewish world. Our goal is to cla...
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Can the 12-Step program help someone deal with SSA (same-sex attraction)?

By obormottel
Dov writes: Sometimes guys write to me about SSA. I responded to a couple of them with this (below) as a start to the right conversation: As far as myself, I do not see any similarity that homosexuality bears to addiction. Do you? It seems like a separate issue and ther...
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For or Against 12-Step Groups?

By the.guard
The GYE forums are often breeding grounds for heated discussions / arguments for and against 12-Step groups, whether or not they are in accordance with the Torah, and why or why not the Torah hasn’t been enough to stop the struggling Yid from his behaviors. Dov, who is cl...
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Why did Hashem give this to me in the first place?

By obormottel
A: To answer your question, let me start with this introduction: Powerless doesn't mean you are not responsible for your recovery. The 12-Steps is actually all about taking responsibility! All that powerless means is that you can't do anything about the addiction itself, ...
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How to Find a Sponsor?

By obormottel
Are you new to recovery? If you are reading this and you answer this question with a solid yet resigned YES, walking into a 12-step meeting can be overwhelming. The sights, the sounds, the smell of strong coffee, strangers engaging in recovery speak that sounds like a...
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How much sex is too much sex?

By obormottel
I am fairly open about the fact that I am in recovery from sexual addiction, not only writing about it but talking about it in my other 12-step recovery programs when appropriate. (I have more than a decade of sobriety from both my chemical and sexual addictions.) As such...
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Is there such a thing as Sex Addiction?

By obormottel
Is Sex Addiction a True Addiction? Weiss: “Yes. The question of whether sex addiction exists is really a non-issue. We know that it exists, we know what causes it and, most important, we know how to provide useful treatment.” “Sexual addiction (as a diagnosis), readily...
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To SA or not to SA? That is the question...

By obormottel
Dear GYE, In 2011, I discovered that I had a problem and I turned to you guys, who eventually sent me to a 12-step group. I stayed clean for 3.5 years with relatively good recovery. My wife, however, hated the groups so much that we almost divorced over them. She could ...
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