Hello, I really feel sorry for you,

wake up and do something about your issue, you’re not draiying in 770 like one of the boys anymore (well now with covid19 I don’t think it’s possible), you’re married, you have a wife, iyh you’re gonna have kids....

do what the experienced people here have said, reach out to LIVE PEOPLE in email phone and eventually In PERSON. 

wishing you Hatzlocho in all!

Hi Chassidishe bochur,
I really feel for you as I have a hard story as well.
PLease PM me

Hey! Welcome! Please keep us updated with your journey  

Hi guys this is the third day of my journey  and it’s really exciting. Especially at times like this when u don’t know how long vacation may go on it’s crucial to have a game plan. Thanx for everyone who’s here together. 

Shiurim

1. Large collection of shiurim https://www.torahanytime.com/
2. Large collection of shiurim
   1. (718) 701-5157
   2. http://www.kolhalashon.com/
3. Hashkafa/Mussar: Chovos Halevavos – Shaar Habitachon
   
   1. Speaker: HaRav Simcha Bunim Cohen Rov in Lakewood NJ
   2. Time: 1:25-1:35pm, daily
   3. Call in number: 205-825-9057
4. OU live  – ou.org/oulive.
   
   1. Each afternoon at 1:00PM EDT – Recitation of Tehillim (chapters 20, 27 and 130) and divrei chizuk (words of inspiration) from our rabbanim.
   2. Monday-Thursday at 8:00 PM EDT nightly hour-long program, bringing you front row seats to our conversations with some of our community’s most inspiring and uplifting personalities.
5. Daily shiurim via zoom from 4:30-5:00 pm –  www.2ndseder.com
   Next to each speaker is a link to the zoom info for that shiur
6. Mishnayos phone system for men and boys ages 9+. Shiurim, tests, weekly raffles
   Call: (929) 299-6700
7. Night Seder America – Nightly Gemara learning program via zoom for boys 6th-8th grade. 8:00pm-8:45pm. Gemara Meseches Tamid – celebrating a siyum on Erev Pesach
   Zoom meeting ID: 897-063-4419
8. live שיעור on the סוגיות of ערבי פסחים given by גדולי ראשי ישיבה and מגידי שיעור.
   The number for the live שיעורים is:646.726.9977
   All throughout the day you can call732.363.6713  Or  718.766.4572    to hear a שיעור הכנה for this שיעור, as well as the מראה מקומות for the שיעור itself.A.Sunday night’s – live shmues and shiur will be given at:
   *8:45 – Divrei Chizuk from Harav Mendel Slomovitz
   *9:15 –Shiur from Harav Aryeh Sherwinter
   *10:00 Shiur Harav Tzvi BerkowitzB.Monday night’s – live shmues and shiur will be given at:
   *8:45 – Divrei Chizuk
   *9:15 –Shiur from Harav Michel Handelsman
   *10:15 Shiur Harav Avrohom Bromberg

Online Libraries

1. Otzar HaChochma (tons of seforim for viewing/searching) is currently free for everyone: https://tablet.otzar.org/
2. Sefaria: https://www.sefaria.org/
3. HebrewBooks.org has many seforim for download; you can easily get any Masechta in Shas here or Mishna Berura here
4. Halacha Academy has a bunch of clear, concise Halacha summaries in English: http://halacha.academy/
5. Artscroll digital library – free 30 day subscription http://kb.artscroll.com/article/AA-20714
6. Otzar Chachma – currently free http://www.otzar.org/otzaren/indexeng.asp

There are two ways to change bad habits and break free of addictions. The first is to quit cold turkey: the person departs entirely from his unsatisfactory behavior at once. The other method involves gradual change. The person changes one kind of inappropriate behavior at a time until he escapes it completely.

Quitting cold turkey has its advantages. When done right, a person can leave entire addictions behind in a short time. He won’t need to maintain his attention and effort for nearly as long. Although at first he will need extreme willpower, he will quickly develop new habits and need even less willpower than a regular person. Once he gets through the initial difficult period and eases into a new way of life, it becomes much easier to control himself.

However, quitting in one shot requires much internal strength and willpower. It is best employed by someone with a clear, unstressed mind. (See Sefer Cheshbon Hanefesh, subsections 11-12.) Usually, it takes strong motivation for someone to make such a dramatic change and stick to it. Often, this method needs a life-changing experience that creates a sudden shift in perspective.

Feelings that can spark such a change include a surge of strong positive motivation and healthy ambition, or the guilt and clarity obtained from hitting  rock bottom. The most effective transformations combine both — the person is shaken up but is also excited to do something about it and become great.

TheSicarioWarrior wrote on 29 Mar 2020 07:13:

This struggle is very normal, and everybody deals with it on some level or another. Having a desire for this doesn’t mean that there is anything negative about a person. We say twice daily in Shema, "do not explore inappropriate sights, after which you stray". The passuk is addressing every person in every generation. Even chashuve people and those who lived centuries ago had to deal with this issue. Likewise, when talking about this desire, Chazal tell us that a person’s nefesh craves it. Chazal aren’t referring specifically to bad people; they are addressing every single person. Do not condemn himself as being no good when you encounters a nisayon.

A good area that can positively impact this struggle is developing one’s overall self-control, without specifically targeting this issue. The reason for this is because when a person acts out, his fundamental problem is that he is lacking in his ability to withstand an urge; therefore, when he is faced with a difficult nisayon, he falls apart. By giving in to every ta’avah he has, a person allows the the yetzer hora to gain a hold over him. The person must therefore back-track and work on becoming a more disciplined person in general, someone who doesn’t always have to give in to every ta’avah that he has. Even if the nisayon of kedushah is too hard for him to withstand at this point, nonetheless, by working on his general self-control, he will be developing his ability to say “No”, and eventually, kedushah-related nisyonos will also become easier to resist.

It is so ridiculously tempting to fold after after a fall.
Kudos for pushing through it. That mindset is what make all the difference in the long run.
Keep it up!

Changing wrote on 04 Jul 2018 04:37:

and after that you understood the Pasuk well? what a great learning tool! Is Torah Umesorah aware of this website?

recommended reading

biography of Rav Noach Weinberg (written in a intellectual way)

biography of Rebbetzin Esther Jungries (written in an emotional way)

both are fantastic & gives deep insight into the importance of kiruv & bringing back every Jew

Okay, starting fresh now!

I am not invincible. I can fall and I must then get up!

There was a snake inside me telling me what to do, but now that snake is gone.

I got to 33 days clean which is longer then I had in a long time, so that is pretty good. Also usually it takes me 2-3 days to get up after a fall, but this time I was able to start counting right away (because I am counting).

Wishing everyone hatzlacha in their struggles and an end to this crazy time.

im sorry for what you are going through. Please  Daven to Hashem for an idea how you can stay clean(and to keep you clean) , Hashem has great ideas even though we cant imagine how we will get out of this.its very brave of you to reach out and post !wishing you hatzlacha!

Please somebody help. I am helpless against what is going on right now. With being stuck at home, I now have access (unknown to my parents) to unfiltered internet literally at my fingertips (I know the codes to my parents’ iPad/iPhone). I have no trouble during the day, but come nighttime, I fall. I stay up late watching the filth night after night. I previously was doing much better overall, but this is absolutely killing me. Please help. 

Mazal tov!May you build a bayis ne'eman biyisroel!
i just got through reading your thread, and i really feel bad for all your falls. i wish i had what to tell you to help you stay clean,but i dont know what to say except," please dont give up!"YOU CAN DO IT,and  YOU WILL DO IT! by "can do it " and "will do it" i mean change ,you CAN change! take it at your pace , one day at a time,and TODAY is a great day to start! can you just stay clean today?try it , you cant lose.by me, the hardest time is  the first day after a fall , but after that ,when i feel clean ,i try to throw myself into distracting things(Tehilim, Learning Davening,listening to a good shiur ,nowadays preparing for pesach and the seder night ) with a cheerful heart ,after all , Hashem  STILL wants my  Davening ,Learning, and other parts of Avodas Hashem,and it does help,BH.
wishing you hatzlacha and strength of heart to build your house with simcha!

I got married recently and thought i wouldn't need to come back to this website. But i guess i do.