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Re: Connecting the days 02 Aug 2022 18:39 #384275

  • Vehkam
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connected wrote on 02 Aug 2022 16:13:
97 days
The furthest I've ever made it (I look forward to writing this line every day now...)

For the last week or so leading up to day ninety, I was aware of PND. (Post Ninety Depression)
It's the clinical term for the down that follows the exhilaration that accompanies reaching ninety days.

I've seen many senior members warn rookies of this phenomenon.
"Stay vigilant," they'd say. "Be aware that you might feel down after the excitement settles." It makes sense.
So I prepared. 

But now I'm here, and I see I didn't know what to prepare for.

I constantly repeated to myself, "ninety days is just a GYE thing and not my real goal. My real goal is a lifetime of freedom." I thought this should provide ample training against PND.
But I'm suddenly left with something much less concrete to hold on to.

Gotta learn this new twist and how to keep running with it.

Stay connected

When I am in that position I try to take on something new.  Usually Not at all related to kedusha but some thing that will strengthen my connection to hashem.  It has to be something very small that will not radically impact my day just a small subtle thing that will help keep me connected.  

this is what works for me.  Also writing out my feelings or lack thereof….
vehkam7@gmail.com

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me.  Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.



some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.
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No response so far... need to know  the time....

Re: Connecting the days 02 Aug 2022 17:38 #384273

Just a suggestion that I’ve heard from others but has worked well for me, keep making goals for yourself and keep rewarding yourself. You can do 120, 150, 180 days as your next goal, whatever works for you but make sure to keep celebrating because that will give you chizuk to keep on going strong. I originally made my goal 120 after i hit 90, but on day 118 i realized that i would be returning home for bein hazmanim so i celebrated early to give my self extra chizuk for bein hazmanim. The point is keep making milestones for yourself and giving yourself rewards and you will see that the chizuk helps and you will be able to keep pushing through! Hatzlacha raba!!!
-ftc
If you are in the same situation as me, a bachur who’s fighting every day to break free, feel free to reach out to me at hopeful1245@gmail.com. I can use the chizuk from other bachrim and im sure you can use the chizuk as well. We are all in this together!
My thread on the forum
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Re: Introducing myself 02 Aug 2022 17:37 #384272

Hi I’m looking forward to joining this program. I’m a 18 year old bochur who has been struggling with this since I was bar mitzvah.

Re: Introducing myself 02 Aug 2022 17:35 #384271

Hi I’m a yeshiva bochur in first year beis medrash who has been struggling with kedusha issues since my bar mitzvah. I am happy and excited to find this program and I hope it will help!
yeshivaguysneedssupport wrote on 02 Aug 2022 16:53:
Wow thanks so much for sharing it’s really helpful to see people going through similar struggles. I too have been struggling since middle school and committed to stopping more times then I could count

Well, welcome to the team!! Be’ezrat hashem you will get acquainted with the site and the people here and you will see that youwill be able to break free!! There are many of us who went through all the same struggles as you and we know exactly what it feels like so don’t hesitate to reach out if you have any questions. Wishing you hatzlacha and siyata dishmaya!!
If you are in the same situation as me, a bachur who’s fighting every day to break free, feel free to reach out to me at hopeful1245@gmail.com. I can use the chizuk from other bachrim and im sure you can use the chizuk as well. We are all in this together!
My thread on the forum
Wow thanks so much for sharing it’s really helpful to see people going through similar struggles. I too have been struggling since middle school and committed to stopping more times then I could count
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  • Trouble
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troublescall@outlook.com

title: obsession vs. planning

because today's session will be slightly graphic, and it will primarily be questions and responses, we need to protect the privacy of those asking. the conference # will be given via email from above; if you want it, drop us a line please. thanks
I'm all about that (substantial) bass, no trouble ....
Last Edit: 02 Aug 2022 16:41 by Trouble.
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Re: Connecting the days 02 Aug 2022 16:13 #384266

  • connected
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97 days
The furthest I've ever made it (I look forward to writing this line every day now...)

For the last week or so leading up to day ninety, I was aware of PND. (Post Ninety Depression)
It's the clinical term for the down that follows the exhilaration that accompanies reaching ninety days.

I've seen many senior members warn rookies of this phenomenon.
"Stay vigilant," they'd say. "Be aware that you might feel down after the excitement settles." It makes sense.
So I prepared. 

But now I'm here, and I see I didn't know what to prepare for.

I constantly repeated to myself, "ninety days is just a GYE thing and not my real goal. My real goal is a lifetime of freedom." I thought this should provide ample training against PND.
But I'm suddenly left with something much less concrete to hold on to.

Gotta learn this new twist and how to keep running with it.

Stay connected
We get only one chance at life.
This is not a rehearsal; it's the real thing.



guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/380446-Connecting-the-days">My journey to ninety days and beyond
guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/383913-Doing-the-impossible">Thoughts and reflections
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BT2001 wrote on 02 Aug 2022 14:07:
Hi. I think a big issue with me quitting is that I don't really want or care about quitting with my soul of soul, my heart of hearts. How can I resolve this lack of fire within myself to quit?
I know quitting is the right thing, but I don't quite care about doing the right thing at the moment. I guess part of the issue here is I don't fully understand the importance and urgency of doing the right thing, especially when it comes to these issues. All help to mend my understanding and ignite my fire is appreciated.

Something I found to be really helpful is sitting down and writing/typing up a list of 15 completely different reasons I could think of for why I wanted to stop ("Porn will destroy my ability to date normally, to have a healthy marriage, will lead to me not getting any pleasure/enjoyment from sex, destroys my Kavanah during Davening and learning, makes it so much harder to focus during the day, etc.) and then printing it out and keeping it on me during all times. I read it every time I felt like falling.
"A Yid never breaks
and a Yid never bends
and a Yid never gives up in the night
A Yid perseveres
through the deepest despairs
his Emunah strengthens him for the fight"
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  • connected
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BT2001 wrote on 02 Aug 2022 14:07:
Hi. I think a big issue with me quitting is that I don't really want or care about quitting with my soul of soul, my heart of hearts. How can I resolve this lack of fire within myself to quit?
I know quitting is the right thing, but I don't quite care about doing the right thing at the moment. I guess part of the issue here is I don't fully understand the importance and urgency of doing the right thing, especially when it comes to these issues. All help to mend my understanding and ignite my fire is appreciated.

Hi,
Your situation sounds similar to the one I was in till four months ago. I enjoyed what I was doing, and I didn't see a strong enough reason to even want to quit.

Since I committed to stopping over the last three months, I have gained much more clarity. I'm in the process of articulating some of my thoughts; if you're interested, you can find them here: https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/383913-Doing-the-impossible
We get only one chance at life.
This is not a rehearsal; it's the real thing.



guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/380446-Connecting-the-days">My journey to ninety days and beyond
guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/383913-Doing-the-impossible">Thoughts and reflections
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Sapy wrote on 02 Aug 2022 14:24:
They used to say "Fell, Shmell... KOT...."

oops. don't know how to insert an image... See avatar image instead.
Last Edit: 02 Aug 2022 14:52 by Shteeble.
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When I fell after 173 days, I let it ruin the next 1,500 days.

Don't worry about the fall. Don't even analyze it right now. You'll have plenty of time for that once you've picked up the momentum again.

300 days is incredible! if you do that again, you'll have done 600 days with one fall. That's a mind boggling number...Hatzlocha
3 things to think about... 
#1 do you want to stop?
#2 WHY do you want to stop?
#3 (assuming you answered yes to #1 and found your why) What behaviors are causing you to fall
#4 stop overthinking
Last Edit: 02 Aug 2022 14:41 by Lchaim Tovim.
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You wrote "I know quitting is the right thing". What do you mean by that. Why is it the right thing?
3 things to think about... 
#1 do you want to stop?
#2 WHY do you want to stop?
#3 (assuming you answered yes to #1 and found your why) What behaviors are causing you to fall
#4 stop overthinking
The following user(s) said Thank You: BT2001, Face the challenge
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They used to say "Fell, Shmell... KOT...."
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