Checking in.

More of the same. Some ups and downs, but all within a pretty good range. Definitely been more taking a second glance then is totally healthy for me. But doing good all the same.

Friday afternoon I randomly and completely decided I was gonna go fall. B"h came to my senses before I got to it. Shabbos, I saw an enticing sight in the street and instinctively turned away before it finished registering (though mixed success on the urges to check and confirm exactly how enticing the sight was lol.)

Ups and downs but b"h doing pretty good. Working on maintaining my motivation and staying away from the first indulgence.

By the way, random grouch. My wife decided to use the money I found on a "date night." Ended up being quite an expensive bit of free money. Ain't no such thing as a free lunch.

Im not to far into this to give advice but i think this is common sense. pls do yourself a favor and reach out to someone from here. It might sound hard but it will be the best thing you have ever done. To give yourself a chance you will have to jump all in. All the best!

nowitstime15 wrote on 09 May 2025 17:43:

My dear fellow brother,
What are you doing to combat the weariness you are experiencing?
Have you tried any of the tools available from GYE? (See here for some of them.)
Have you connected with a mentor through GYE?

Looking forward to hearing from you soon!

Either way...
KOMT!

Mazel Tov!!!!!
Keep up your good work.
It is good that you are aware that the Yetzer Hora never sleeps.

What an unbelievable accomplishment! To break free, despite the fact that you’re not married yet, makes you an example for so many to follow. I’m genuinely inspired by you’re determination and resilience in staying the course of achieving this great milestone. Hitting rock bottom while still on top, is a tremendous thing, as it demonstrates that you felt that even the more "mild" versions of lust, were repulsive to the purity of your soul, and couldn't continue.  You’ve detailed some of the steps that you took to make yourself successful, but what jumps out the most to me, is the honest approach you took to fight this battle. You made a real plan, thought through potential pitfalls and plugged up any holes you could think of, and stuck to it as best as you can despite the urges. There’s a special Siyatta Dishmaya given to those that fight honestly and fools themselves. Keep on being a role model of Kedusha for all of us. Hatzlacha!

sytv2002 wrote on 09 May 2025 18:19:

Gotcha. That's beyond my pay-grade...would recommend HHM discussion.

In a nutshell, the book changed my perspective from depression over my falls to excitement over my challenges. It also helped me feel like a special person instead of feeling like a failure. The book gave me back my living spirit that was robbed from me.

Regularly reading The Battle of the Generation can keep you prepared at all times so that when you have an urge you are prepared to fight. You can get the book here:
https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation

There is an audio book and at the end of the page there is a download button for a pdf of the book.

Instead of having the stove on for the entire shabbos (spending extra money on gas, plus it gets hot, which is unwanted in the warmer months), put a bunch of tea lights on the stovetop. It’s a lifesaver. 

The only downside that I’ve found is that it takes time to light each individual tea light, which is always fun in the mad rush of pre-leaving to shul on erev Shabbos. (Anybody got a hack for that?)

Title says it all. Let’s go.

Day 47 posting… Day 1 clean

The Book The Battle Of The Generation, has literally saved the generation. So many of us have gained tremendously from the book, changing our outlook on our Nisyonos. Written in a clear and understandable way, with the proper Torahdike Hashkafa, its a masterpiece.

I'm starting this thread for everyone to share what about the book helped them. Ill start,

The book has taught me most, that every time I have a Nisoyon, there's a tremendous opportunity for me to get amazing reward, in this world and the next. Its an opportunity for growth and connection to Hakadosh Baruch Hu, and Ill feel much more pleasure out of winning than giving in.

My wife and I recently went on a mini “vacation”. Yup. It was meant to be a really fun, short one, doing something that I’ve always wanted to do with my wife. (No, nothing to do with intimacy, you pervs.)

 Due to a few factors (actually, it was just one- there’d be many very inappropriately dressed women around. And still, nothin’ to do with intimacy.), we ended up changing our entire plan just days before. The new plan was something my wife had always wanted to do. So she got her dream trip, while I got my dreams dashed. Shoyn. At least I’d get a little break from life. Lol. 



Seeing as we had a couple of hours of flying, I figured it works be an excellent time to do some catching up on שנים מקרא, especially since we got cheap tickets and therefore couldn’t choose our seats, so I’d have some alone time. I even brought along a new pair of tzitzis to tie. Lol. First flight was mostly empty- and we got seats next to each other. Second flight was full- and we STILL sat next to each other. 

 

And for all y’all who’re getting ready to say something like “oh, but you got some quality time!”, or “you flew on vacation? You lucky duck!”. You can try to bring down my Grouch. Have at me.

There’s honesty and growth in this post. You’re growing and changing. It’s ok if it doesn’t happen all at once! Keep going!!

Remember, working on “regular” Shmiras Enayim isn’t a “all-or-nothing” choice.
Every day, there are many challenges that will come a person’s way. Even if you feel that you’re not yet ready to take on the idea of being super-careful and cutting out all casual looking, you can still take steps to upgrade and enhance your day, to have it be less lustful and more Taharadik. So choosing a more sheltered parking space while waiting for your wife can be an active choice you make, even while it’s still hard to look away when someone walks into your field of vision… 

The reality is that true change is usually born of the growth that comes of a thousand small choices.
Making small changes will help you grow and get to the place where you’ll be wanting and ready to grow further. (And a thousand small licks of lustful looking will pull you down and make it more likely to fall into worse shmutz). Every small choice has the special taste of “Uvacharta BaCHAIM”. And that’s a gift!
Keep trucking, friend. 

Here’s a warm hand, 
Chaim Oigen

To the Newcomer

What Works for Us
Those of us who are recovering in Sexaholics Anonymous were driven here by many different forms of the same problem. Some of us fit society's stereotypes of what a sexaholic might be and some of us did not. Some of us were driven to buy or sell sex on the streets, others to have it anonymously in bars or public places. Some of us found ourselves in painful and destructive affairs or consumed by an unhealthy obsession with a particular person or succession of persons. Many of us kept our obsessions to ourselves, resorting to compulsive masturbation, pictures, fetishes, voyeurism (i.e. stalking/looking into windows) or exhibitionism. Some of us victimized others. And with many of us, our compulsions took a toll on family, coworkers, and friends. Very often, we felt we were the only ones who could not stop, that we were doing this-whatever it was- against our will.

When we came to SA, we found that in spite of our differences, we shared a common problem-the obsession of lust, usually combined with a compulsive demand for sex in some form. (Including sex with self i.e. masturbation.) We identified with one another on the inside. Whatever the details of our problem, we were dying spiritually-dying of guilt, fear, and loneliness. As we came to see that we shared a common problem, we also came to see that for us, there is a common solution-the Twelve Steps of recovery practiced in a fellowship and on a foundation of what we call sexual sobriety. (see pp.191-193)

Our definition of sobriety represents, for us, the basic and necessary condition for lasting freedom from the pain that brought us to SA. We have found that nothing else works. When we have tried to deny what our common experience has taught us, we have found that recovery still eludes us. And this seems to be true whether we are male or female; married or single; whether our acting out was with the same or opposite sex; whether our relationships were "committed", "meaningful", or one night stands; or whether we just resorted to a little sex with self as a "physical outlet." As the men and women of Alcoholics Anonymous learned over fifty years ago (now it's almost 100 years), "half-measures availed us nothing"!

We don't claim to understand all of the ramifications of sexual sobriety. Some of us have come to believe that there is a deeper spiritual significance in sexual sobriety, while others simply report that without a firm and clear bottom line, our "cunning, baffling, and powerful" sexaholism takes over sooner or later. Nor do we claim that sobriety alone will lead to a lasting and joyous recovery. Like alcoholics, we can be "dry" without being sober in a deeper sense. We don't even claim that sexual sobriety will make one feel better immediately. We, like other addicts, can go through withdrawal symptoms when we give up our "drug." Nonetheless, in spite of the questions, struggles, and confusion that we have gone through, we find that sexual sobriety is truly "the key to a happy and joyous freedom we could otherwise never know." That's why we keep coming back to SA.

We have a solution. We don't claim that it's for everybody, but for us, it works. If you identify with us and think you may share our problem, we'd like to share our solution with you.


A Caution
We suggest that newcomers to Sexaholics Anonymous not reveal their sexual past to a spouse or family member who does not already know of it, without careful consideration and a period of sexual sobriety, and even then, only after prior discussion with an SA sponsor or group. Typically, when we come into the program, we want to share our excitement with those closest to us and tell all right away. Such disclosures might injure our family or others and should be confined to the group of which we are a part until a wise course is indicated. Of course, if there is any chance we have put others in danger, we take steps to try to correct that.

Few things can so damage the possibility of healing in the family as a premature confession to spouse or family where sacred bonds and trust have been violated. Unwittingly, such a confession can be attempts on our part to dump our guilt, get back into the good graces, or make just another show of willpower. Great caution is advised here.

Amends to family must begin with a sexually sober, changed attitude and behavior on a daily basis. Then, as we grow in recovery, we will find how to make direct amends. Help from your sponsor and group is indispensable here. There's always a way, if we really want to make things right.