Hi, my name is Michael and I am a porn addict.

Today is a hm day. I feel this lazyness, I didn't get up on time to do my training and I am not running, not reading enough. Didn't read the newspaper in ages. I am not following the program I set.
And that means that I have no where to blow of steam. So to speak.

I trying really hard with the 15 minutes and I will continue doing that. It is working. I found that this way I am constantly monitoring myself, my emotions, my relationship to work and so on.

Today however I had a slip in my mind. I wanted to look so bad at women on the bus (on my way to work). And then I prayed and got back to my book. Then this girl pressed herself against me (I was sitting, she was standing). I probably imagined the whole the thing, but that is not important, I felt this attraction . So I remembered that serenity prayer and what I wrote, that I am spiritually very poor and that I can do nothing about that. That thought hit me and I started praying for her, that she be happy and that Hashem gives her a great husband, that they be honest and true to each other, that they be really happy and strong and hopefull.

And I moved away from her. And I didn't follow her. Baruch Hashem, He did it. Thanks, I couldn't do it, You did it.

Hi, my name is Michael and I am a porn addict.

Did my morning workout, had a shower and had breakfast. And yesterday I was home alone... And I read my literature. Baruch Hashem, He helps ever 15 minutes.

So, my name is Michael and I am a porn and a sex addict.

Another day. I feel a bit depressed, no real power in me.


I had a dream about this girl on the bus and she was dressed very sudictive and she was really friendly and of course she wanted to be with me. Something other came up then, and BH we didn't end up together. It is the beginning of being sober. It will pass.

I am just as much a sex and porn addict as you are, Michael, and relate to everything you wrote here. Continued hatzlocha and if you ever want to reach out and talk or meet in person, I am game as well as others here, I am sure. KOT

Still sober. Thanks Dov.

Still sober, too. Thanks Michael.

Hi, my name is Miha and I am a porn addict.

Michael is the international version, it is how I was called though also. But Miha is actually my real real name, it is how I am called.

My name is MIHA. I AM A PORN ADDICT.

AND THIS IS STEP ONE.

I am totally powerless. Nothing, absolutelly nothing that I can do to change this addiction. I am powerless.

I had a slip today.but I didn't start viewing "real" porn. I saw some girl in a magazine and had some difficulty with an assignment. I had to work with Youtube and it spiralled a bit. That means that I typed in adult games and clicked and there was some exlplicit pictures there, but not graphic, I mean darn is this a fall!??? Honestly I saw pictures of cartoon caracters and they were more explicit then the women on the street.

I played the games , like I teased myself and then backed off, turned the window off when it got too graphic - when there were genitals. And then I wanted to go on, search for real porn. And then I stopped and went to GYE and read.

So here I am. Solved the assignment and am working now...

I just wanted to share this.

It really doesn't feel like a fall, honestly. But who am I kidding, I am powerless, but at least I am honest. This is really the truth. But if you guys see it as a fall, you are right then, I will reset my 90 chart.

take an honest look at yourself and decide what is more beneficial to you; reset or not reset?
Your decision.
I will not ask you about filters and computer monitoring; that is for you to decide.

Your honesty is a good first step.

Keep at it bro!

b'hatzlachah

Guys, I did it. I finished work, all that I had planed. I worked from 8 am to 17.23 (that is now). And it is finished.

Baruch Hashem.

Usually I always fall big time. But tnx GYE, I was reading the 1 step on this site and it kept me sober!!!!

Thank You GYE, Thank you GYE

WOOOOHOOOOOO!!!!

I could have written that post before, WHO AM I KIDDING?! "I have this under control"....HA! SO THEN WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT THINGS THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO BE LOOKING AT, EVEN IF IT'S NOT PORN?

Great job on the coming here before the final fall!!

I have to answer this myself, back in Yaakov's Ladder, but it's a good question for everyone......What is going to be different next time?

be it a fall or not it sure sounds like a small (giant for us and for the chizuk that you can take from it) step in the right direction.
use it as a boost to continue on and KOT
you have everyone here cheering you on

Tnx guys.

So I read the Kirk story, thanks gibbor!!!



I don't have anyone to talk too. Dov said, share it with safe people. But I don't have safe people. So I will share here.

My name is Miha and I am a porn addict.

On sunday I almost got divorced for a very stupid reason, I think the same day that P.S. Hoffmann left a needle in his arm. My wife has inscribed a new study to keep her job. So we are under a lot stress.
I cried like a baby, admitting to her that I made a mistake, even though, I don't feel it was my mistake. But I said, that I am sorry that things ended out like this, and that it isn't anybody's fault. So I am sorry about that mistake, I am sorry about this outcome and I will work harder. I guess she made a mistake and I wasn't there for her to help her overcome herself.
I was really sorry, I hit myself so hard, when she went to the bathroom, that my ear is literary still blue. Baby was asleep, BH, at the time.
I love her and she loves me. And we touched hands. And I love her still.I don't know what to say more.

I still fantasize about being a woman. And having intercourse as a woman.

I feel my life is really boring and I am lazy. At 9pm I just feel empty, the batterie is empty. I tried eating to keep me awake, so that I would help my wife with her studies or that I would see a film or read a book or go for a run. But I end up falling asleep.

This morning I did my workout and I took a shower and I ate breakfast. I said to my wife that I am sorry for falling asleep yesterday.

Darn this is the other Kirk. The good Kirk.

So I am sorry and I am really trying. Even though I just want to run away from everything.

All the best to you guys. I am cheering for you too.

Sorry for the depressed post.

P.S. If anyone that knows me in person is reading this. Especially my wife. Then I am sorry for making our life public. I need to share this, cos I have no other chance. And I don't want to loose my wife and my life. And this is perhaps a way that I can be a better human being, a better husband and a better father. For real, without any faking.

Hi, my name is Miha and I am a porn addict.

I am struggling with procrastination, of course.

I did my morning workout, did two laundry washings, cleaned the kitchen, read my book on the bus. But now I got lost a bit at work, and am not working.

A new beginning. I have to remind myself, that I am not the Master of the Universe and that (even I weren't an addict) I don't get to do whatever. Sometimes I play that game, as in nothing really matters. But in truth it does, because I am not the Master of the Universe and I am simply not entitled to have a little fun: procrastinate a bit and watch just a bit of soft porn - really very soft - it can't hurt, I will close the window if something bad will come up...

This is me. I need to redefine "fun". And find happyness

Hashem, I don't want to be crazy anymore!

yehoshua wrote:


Of course not, that is HE-MAN

yehoshua


Isn't the point of watching that genre to see something bad? Otherwise, why bother?