Hi ive been on here for a little bit reading others post and I never thought that its for me. I didnt think i need everyone clapping for me to be strong. But now Im trying for the first time for real to reach 90 days I feel that maybe I should share. 
I started watching when I was about 12 on a parents unfiltered device and later on a friend introduced me to M and thats been my history since .Im 25 now and I could never control myself for more than a couple days to a week I seriously see how this affects my learning davening. And even more than that my outlook in life the way I see other people even my wife is completely warped. Im hopeful that im on the road to recovery im 10 days in and feeling pretty good. And Im just begging hashem that I shouldnt veer off the path chas vshalom. If anyone has any helpful advice pls share.
Thanks for reading!

Welcome! Awareness of the problem, is the first step needed to recover. Seems like you've taken the first step. Posting it a great second. It's the first chink in the armor of the barrier of shame that we surround ourselves with when we lust. Not always easy. Sometimes what holds us back is our pride, when we look at the people here from the perspective of an outsider, they sometimes look like they're showing off, begging for compliments. We think to ourselves, I'm not like that,  I don't need all that reinforcement. Once you join, you realize, that what the people posting are doing, is allowing themselves to be vulnerable, admitting there's a problem, which won't go away on it's own, and then harnessing the power of friends, to help you along the journey. Do we sometimes indulge in asking for a bit of Kavod? Perhaps. But if we're using it as a tool to get us to a better place, it's a lot better then the alternative. I'm sure it wasn't easy to make that first post, but it's a good investment. If you're brave enough, when you're ready try reaching out to one the many great guys who's posts resonate with you. That's where the real healing begins. Hatzlacha on your journey!!!

I already had a amazing conversation with muttel!

Your post really touches me and you come across as a person who really cares to do the right thing.
10 days clean is a big accomplishment and it’s really inspiring that you shared your struggle. I hope to see more positive updates from you as it really gives me chizuk….. you sound like a hero, please don’t stop posting!
Tip: get a counter clicker or there are apps for that… and every time you hold back from seeing something in the street or anywhere else, click it. You’ll see you can get so many “points” in a day ….. when you get to 100, get yourself something special to celebrate.
It feels great seeing the success in real time in real numbers. It really helps me stay clean in shmirat einayim.

daverose wrote on 27 Apr 2025 09:21:

Welcome!

Helpful advice. . .

Hmmm. That's a tough one. I can give lots of advice, but helpful advice specifically is a little bit tougher. Hmmm.

I'd suggest the Flight to Freedom (especially working out a good 3 circles plan and reasons for change.) Reading the Battle of the Generation (link below). Listening to Dov's 12 step lectures (link also below and very educational for anyone in any level of the struggle.)

Probably the most helpful advice is "never give up." You might get clean on your first shot. I hope so. But alot of guys don't, and even those who do it's not cruising along over a pink cloud on the back of a glittery unicorn the whole time. Believe in yourself, believe in Hashem, believe in Hashem's interest in you, and never stop trucking.

If you're posting, talking to Muttel, and hopeful but cautious I'd say you're on the right path.

Hatzlacha!

Hi thanks for the responses. Yesterday was the hardest day i had so far I didnt fall but I completely lost my motovation I felt like im fighting a losing battle. And Im not gonna be able to hold off for much longer. bh I stayed strong and didnt do anything stupid.But I was just laying in bed spacing out wishing to get out of this. I was strong not to do anything to make me fall but in a way I was hopeing that the fall will just come to me without me doing it..(not sure if that makes sense but just putting out there how I felt) Bh todays a new day and so far feeling good. Im looking foward to the new zman so that I can get back on a normal schedule without being bored and also back to being immersed in the sugyos which usualy makes me feel much better about myself. If anyones felt this way before pls let me know.
Thanks for listening

Welcome R' Dave!!

What a pleasure to get to know you! Your ehrlichkeit, pleasant demeanor, dedication to Hashem and ruchniyus, is bound to bring you to success!

Looking forward to seeing you here, growing and growing!!!

Muttel

daverose wrote on 28 Apr 2025 09:57:

next time you are board feel free to call me!
hatzlocha on the new zman

Bh holding on tight. on day 13 just about as far as ive ever been. couldnt have done it without speaking to the amazing people here. Muttel Eerie.

haztlacha, your a chizuk!

Just checking in. I just hit day 14 the longest i have ever gone. Ive deff had hard moments but bh with the help of the wonderful people here i was able to hang on. My main struggle isnt in the triggers bh Ive been keeping my eyes down for the last while but when I do have the urges my mind just keeps on telling me to give up this isnt going to last either way. And  also I thought i would feel amazing after controling myself for 2 weeks when before I couldnt control myself for  a day or 2 but Im not feeling anything... Any Chizzuk?

daverose wrote on 02 May 2025 11:55:

Shalom Brother,

When you control yourself, what is your thought process? Do you connect positive feelings in the moment? Perhaps try connecting them to Hashem. Every time you don't look, say a quick tefillah. You can also reward yourself for accomplishing milestones, which can help build a positive mentality

Have you read any of the book The Battle of the Generation? 
guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation

Hatzlacha

Since i started ive been listening to chizzuk shiurim whenever im bored.. walking to kolel... instead of wasting time on kol mvaser.. The biggest help for me at the moment is im lo achshav aimosai. I know im going to do this one day so why give it up now and start from scratch soon...

just an update I had a fall this past shabbos to M after 14 days. i felt like I put up a good fight and bh  i got up right after and im on day 6 now and day 21 from P thanks to the help of so many mentors from gye. I had a interesting experience this week i reached out to a mentor through email and was going to call him. but before I called him I somehow I figured out who he was and I know him well. I knew that if i reached out it would be a great chizzuk for me. But I was extremely nervous. after being awake twisting and turning the whole monday night debating and with the chizzuk from muttel I reached out. And bh like I thought it was amazing. I spoke to him for a while and last night I even met him for a bit. Thank you gye and to all the mentors that are here to help at all hours! Bh im feeling great now and still hopeful but cautious! 

Hey dave, didnt see your thread till now. you look like your on the perfect track. 

Please keep us posted how its going. 

This is the place where real hope lives.

A lichtige Freiliche Shabbos!