iwantlife wrote on 31 Oct 2024 17:07:

Oh I was much more perturbed by the ads for "Kosher Skinny Shot" and the "Mehadrin" alcohol infused ices than I was about a little crap here or there. 

But bh a little excess materialism is fine. It's the actual magazine content itself that's the bigger issue. Give me Chayeinu or give me slow spiritual death!

Checking in. Been in a mood. Buncha things going on.

It's funny. The longer I go clean, the more and more desperate I am to not go back to that sick swamp. Randomly, I'll find myself struck by how pleasant it is not to have to act out. (Side point but I'm trying to not get hung up on the streak as that's not super long term productive. But it blows my mind to see that number keep on going up.)

At the same time, I find myself more forgetting how looking and staring and lusting on the street leads to a slippery slope. 

So. I did something for the first time this week. Made a TaPsHiCH shvua. I am trying very hard to not do personal recreational internet use at work before working a set amount of hours. It's a very good thing for me for a whole bunch of reasons. But very hard for me to stick to. Hence the shvua thing. Working well so far bh.

Still been in a mood. Oh well.

Watching your meteoric growth has been remarkable. Going from a struggler to an accomplished vet in the קדושה world.

May Hashem continue to give you kochos to constantly ascend the ladder of קדושה many years to come.

With a ton of brotherly love and respect,
Muttel  

I heard a very deep idea from a special Baal Avoda this week. 

He said that he personally heard from one of the great Rebbe’s who are no longer in this world, the following idea: 

“Gedarim and Siyagim can bring a person the Yeitzer Hora of Hefkeirus.”

This is a deep concept. He’s not disparaging the necessity or importance of Gedarim and Siyagim, obviously. But there’s a subtlety here.

When a person has set up a system with external safeguards and red lines that protect, it enables a person to let his guard down internally. And that’s also can create space for the Yeitzer Hora to creep in, in a different way. Because a person has a natural resistance to self-control and the work of change.  

Experiencing a degree of freedom is a heady and wonderful feeling. Sometimes it can also come with a relaxation of the carefulness that’s needed to keep lust from encroaching and stealthily gaining a sweaty, clammy, hot handheld on our hearts…

Keep your pedal to the metal, revving the engine of your monsta truck straight up the holy heartbreak mountain, into the blue beyond!

With affection and admiration, 

Chaim Oigen

chaimoigen wrote on 06 Nov 2024 16:06:

Shalom Reb CO,
Thank you for sharing this beautiful idea!

If I may offer an analogy (that I hope is on target with what you wrote - if not, please correct me):
Crutches are for accomplishing being able to walk without them - using them when needed so you don't fall, but the point is to build the muscles to generally walk unassisted and not have to rely on the additional support all the time. Always using the crutches will not facilitate growth.

The subtlety is balancing when we have to protect ourselves from falling, and when we should be exercising our own muscles to get stronger.

One who wants to walk without crutches should not neglect them, as they are the tool he needs in order to not need them anymore.


Kol Tov

chaimoigen wrote on 06 Nov 2024 16:06:

This is an excellent explanation of the problem with filters. 

I've done this more times than I can count. Oh I put on the filter/set the barrier/made the limit. So now I can do whatever I want and I'm "kosher". 

On the other hand. Good filtering (including accountability) is one of the essential elements of what got me here today. 

So like most things in life, "Without sway there can be no balance." I like your mashal BHBH.

I don't think I'm in danger of falling into that trap with this one specific geder. But it's an important idea.

chosemyshem wrote on 06 Nov 2024 22:12:

Excellent point about filters. Precisely. 

As a matter of fact, my comment wasn’t written to caution you in response to the specific Geder you mentioned.
It was actually in response to what you wrote that along with the cleanliness and freedom that you are experiencing, you find yourself  forgetting somewhat the importance of vigilance in guarding your eyes in the street etc. Wasn’t an exact tzu shtell but I wanted to share the concept.

chosemyshem wrote on 05 Nov 2024 22:15:

Can we please have the honor of seeing those numbers??

Heeling wrote on 07 Nov 2024 01:27:

You may! Hayom yom 69.

I actually don't know why it stopped showing the numbers under my name. I tried fixing it but no idea how to.

Bh in less of a mood today. Called HHM and he gave me some instructions and chizzuk. Both were good, but sometimes it's really good to have someone tell you what to do lol.

I saw a shooting star during last night's vaad and if that's not a symbol of the celestial power of the vaad I don't know what is.

(PY tells me that "Everyone mussssssst join a vaaaaaaaaaaaad.")

BH things are going good otherwise. Renewed the tapshich thingy and that's been helpful. 

Still clean by a miracle one day at a time. 

Glad I don't have much drama to check in about.

KOT

chosemyshem wrote on 12 Nov 2024 21:44:

I hate to burst your vaad bubble, but I'm pretty sure what you saw was a flying Ford Anglia..

iwantlife wrote on 12 Nov 2024 23:45:

I'm 50/50 if it was a shooting star or if there's something seriously wrong with my eyes and I'm seeing random flashing lights.

chosemyshem wrote on 13 Nov 2024 01:01:

It may have been a Vermicious Knid burning up, upon entering our atmosphere, as it was attempting to reach and make a meal of you. 

chaimoigen wrote on 13 Nov 2024 02:05:

Or maybe it was zombie PY flying from burma to eat save you from newcomer zombie muttel who wanted to turn you into the next up and coming zombie 

chaimoigen wrote on 13 Nov 2024 02:05:

SCRAM!