BH I just went to sleep with out doing anything to stimulate myself!! Thank you H’ and thank you all my friend from GYE!! 

I was thinking something... I wonder if anybody can help me understand this a little better. Basically I want to know if by being so careful and watching yourself not to be nechshel just makes it so much harder and just makes everything into a trigger... Like I don't believe guys that don't watch their eyes get even closed  turned on from stuff I get turned on from... Like by them it's just a regular thing, their are man and their are women and just like God made a nice trees etc. He made nice women and he just enjoys the look he doesn't think a second abt sex. But by me because I'm not allowed to look I start thinking... Why can't I look? Oh,cause if I look I might end up having sex with her. Like it just makes every lady into a nisyen... Like the eser yechid makes me feel that if I ever gonna be in a room myself with a lady I'll for sure gonna have sex with her... Cause if not why would it be user. Like giyem have no problem watching sexy movies or go to mixed beaches etc. I would come in a second... By them it's just that's life it's not a big deal and not a big monster that we make it if it. Like that's why you can have mixed dancing by modern weddings and nobody's going crazy and by our chasenahs if you by mistake see some girls dancing on the other side of the mechetzah you can't stop think how cool it looked and how you wish etc. I can give more examples but they might give people triggers so I'm stopping here (can give u a hint...do you get more turned on from a frum lady's knee uncovered or a Mexican lady's behind?) But I think u got my point... That by being so busy not to get triggered were actually make our self more triggered... Maskim? If not please explain why... Thx! 

I'm not saying that I have charutah for a second on the life style I was brought up in or that I'll c'v start being less careful with my eyes or start exposing my kids to more... Of course not! You want to know why? Cause if H' which made the world and all the pleasures in it said in he's haligah Torah that a person should be careful and watch himself very strongly when it comes to kidushah and we have so many halachis abt it ( like it's user to walk behind a lady,No touching,looking...) Its for sure the best thing for me even if it makes it harder and makes women in to a object more than just a regular thing... It's worth it in the long run in this world and the next!!!

Totally agree.
I am to busy with not falling, just fell going to fall and fell anyways.

This conversation comes up every few months if you look back through the forums you will find it played over again and again.

If you teach yourself how to quickly move on from the urges before they take hold it will eventually become much easier and you won’t think about it.

What works for me is to be constantly working on connecting to hashem. When I am actively doing that I am much more motivated to calm/move on from/avoid desire.

Geshmak! wrote on 13 Dec 2022 01:17:

When we try to not have thoughts, that's when they become stronger. My advice would be to just observe the thought and not try to fight it. Just observe you are having a sexual thought, and don't judge yourself and try to remove it. Because trying to remove it, just makes the thought stronger.

Geshmak! wrote on 13 Dec 2022 01:17:

If you have time, please check out this talk from dov, where I think he addresses this idea at length: guardyoureyes.com/GYEFiles/MP3s/Dov/Dov's%20Recovery%20Talks/Why%20is%20addiction%20so%20rampant%20in%20the%20frum%20community.mp3

I want to read it but the link doesn’t work can you please fix it or dov can you please explain it? Thx!

Geshmak! wrote on 14 Dec 2022 02:55:

Here’s the link
DOV - Why is addiction so rampant in the frum community

Omg!! It’s way to long for me… 
I went through it fast like skipping most off it… but it seems he’s saying that it is a problem… that I know! I want to know what’s the solution… like how are we spouse to look at these haluchies?

Geshmak! wrote on 14 Dec 2022 04:28:

To me, one of the greatest teachers that helped opened my eyes to our struggle with porn was / is Dov. Which is why he landed in my signature.
It’s worth your while to take the time and listen to one of his recordings - yes it’s long winded, but he manages to get powerful points across that way. 

You can also read Dov posts which are extremely helpful sponsored by gibbor- see my signature 

Let me know if you find any gold there 

Hi! So I wasn’t on gye for a while. Here’s a quick update on my progress in the fight against the yh. I’m bh doing good with not watching p & m cause I don’t have access to it bh… but the problem is that I still love to lust etc and I really have to work on that which I will bhy on the streets and also in my house not to lust over my wife like I gotta just cut lust out of my life period! I had a fall last week when got new phone and just had to check out something fast before I filleted it…
but I’m already a week away from the poison I took in through my eyes ( literally you take in what you see you don’t realize but it’s just like taking poison in to your mouth you can take it in through your eyes ears… r’l) so my withdrawal symptoms are calming down bh… I really really hope not to ever ever fall again it’s just to painful. Hope all my friends on here are doing fine. Like I actually missed you guys! It’s great to be back!

Geshmak! wrote on 25 Jan 2023 14:38:

We missed you too. We hope you'll continue with your great progress! Keep in touch. 

Hi! You are really here! Wow! I'm sorry about the fall, my friend. I'm happy to see that you got right back up and came here to give the oilam chizuk. Keep posting, my holy friend!

So I thought of a plan how I can work on my lust problem. I think I should take it slowly,like first start to work on watching my eyes when I’m on the streets, like you can’t lust over something you didn’t see. So step one is to watch my eyes. So the truth is I do watch my eyes pretty much when I’m out on the streets,but the fee times I do give a look it’s a long and deep thought out look and that gets my lust rolling… but why do I forget abt all the times I looked away? Of course it’s the yh that just puts the ugly bad feelings of why did you look so long loser! But if I would start keeping track on how many times I actually want to look and I looked away I would feel so good and accomplished I would see clearly that I look away more than I give in… so I did this for a few days now and let me tell you it really is helping me. I text my self every time I see a lady that attracts me and I want to look for another second and I look away that’s a number so first time I looked away I texted 1 and next time 2 it was adding up so fast that I just left it as draft and kept on changing to hire and hire number it felt so good and it helped me hold myself back first because I was so much more conscience of what I was abt to do it wa like look or not so than it’s just don’t look and also I wanted more points. I got to a hundred points in less than 3 days! It was a real eye opener for me like the yh blinds you of all the good you really do… I’m not saying I didn’t look I did but it was like 10 against 100… in the beginning I took off from the number I minus off one digit every time I looked to long but than I stopped doing that cause it’s impossible to delete a time I looked away for the sake of doing the right thing the nachis I gave my father in haven then will never ever be erased !! (Even if now i looked to long it just locked in,this is a different chasben)
So please try this you’ll love it! Every time you hold yourself back from looking at something you wanted keep track of it even if you know the next one you’ll look and stare. It will boost your confidence and you’ll be shocked to see how many times you actually really do look away and control yourself! Good luck!
and when you get to a thousand times off looking away (even if you watch and looked a thousand other times)make sure to make a BIG party cause it’s something to celebrate BIG TIME!

Love the idea. Thanks for sharing.