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Why is it so hard?

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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

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TOPIC: Why is it so hard? 4999 Views

Why is it so hard? 21 Oct 2022 04:30 #386598

geshmak!
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I’m almost by 90 but it soooo hard!! Like I’m going crazy! Shouldn’t it get easier and easier?!?!
Are these urges ever gonna go away … like I feel I can’t anymore….
please can someone that has been all the way in and got out tell me that it will get easier and I’ll bhy be able to live a calm life with out just thinking lustful thought a whole day..,like all I see is…women’s behind bouncing up and down like can’t I grow up and not live so low. I want to live higher happier etc. so started 90 days and thought that when I get there I’ll be a changed man but I’m pretty close(86 bh) and it just so hard still. I’m starting to get disappointed and feel like given up so I would love to hear from real people that went through this that it will get easier and life gets better,and that I just need to give it some more time.
It will be greatly appreciated!!

Guys the only way were really gonna get help is with H’s help so we gotta beg him for help and he sure will help us cause he wants us helped!!
CRY TO HIM!!
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/387630-Powerful!#387630

Feel free to pm me!

Re: Why is it so hard? 21 Oct 2022 05:37 #386601

zedj
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Geshmak! wrote on 21 Oct 2022 04:30:

I've BH made it past 90 days a couple times and I can tell you it got way easier to move on from triggers and desires. You should know however that you may always have some desire or trigger even after 90 days, it just gets easier to manage and live with it at some point.

it seems like your going through some withdrawal. From what I understand it is completely normal and you shouldn't be afraid of it.
it might be a good idea to connect with someone in real life that can relate to your struggle and give you some direction.

Calling a fellow gye member was a major step in getting clean and changing my whole perspective on this struggle.

Wishing you much hatzlocha On your journey.

One who has given up hope is without a G‑d.

One who sees hope in each day is already free

Last Edit: 21 Oct 2022 05:39 by zedj.

Re: Why is it so hard? 21 Oct 2022 10:02 #386603

trythehardest
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I have been in, and reaching now 279 days some might call it out (obviously as long as we live we are not completely out) too, and here is what I can say.

I realized that a large part in the streak I have it extremely easy like almost no urges and recently I got back some hard urges but it's never like before the streak!

To summarise, if you want just one day, 0 urges I would say this is unrealistic but wayyyyy easier and manageable that I can say with confident.

Much success and never give up the yh tries with all ideas he can to break you don't allow him!

Re: Why is it so hard? 21 Oct 2022 14:41 #386621

bear444
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it’s crazy hard. i started over 3 years ago almost immediately got to 131 days and then failed. for 3 years i was failing and failing. maximum i think was 70 days but mostly 2 weeks sometimes 40 days. almost every time my wife was niddah i failed. now second time since then i got to 90 days. amazing feeling. today it’s 126 days. i just been shopping everywhere just immodest women girls. it’s crazy how they walk on the streets.guarded my eyes. went into different isle went around turn my head away closed my eyes. you gonna get there. if i can advice you…. never never never give up!! daily Hitbodedut it’s a must.60 minutes a day. if you don’t know the concept google it. find out. it’s amazing. study lots of Mussar watch Rabbi Mizrachis lectures. Rabbi Zitron as well. study Zera Shimshon. hold on brother. i think i might be the most dirty person on the planet. if i can fight you can. good luck.

Re: Why is it so hard? 21 Oct 2022 17:22 #386624

geshmak!
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Wow!! Thx so much all 3 of you for such beautiful Chizuk!! Love it! Hope I get through this with H’ help!!! But you guys Make it so much easier knowing that people got through this…
btw I would like to tell you how much H’ really helped me and watch over me not fall… I was really really close and BH nothing was working… I first tried to remove my filter but was not working tried to get a few people to send me dirty stuff etc. nobody was willing even though some of them used to.,. I tried fiver and upwork and no one wanted the job even for top dollar than tried to order smartphone online and then my Wi-Fi stop working it was like god telling me I love you to much to let you fall now- you worked s hard till here my son not letting u fall now. All this was from 2 to 5 am and when my wife walked in to the room at 5 and asked what I was doing I told her and I thought she’ll kill…. But she just smiled and said H’ and I love you… and went out of the room back to her bed… she told me the next morning she really davened hard for me and bh H’ is listening to our Teflos!!
thank you again for your chizuk!
hope to post here on Monday that I got to day 90!!!
good shabbos!!

Last Edit: 23 Oct 2022 00:11 by geshmak!.

Re: Why is it so hard? 21 Oct 2022 18:20 #386626

kavey OFFLINE Expert Boarder Posts: 148 Karma: 8	How are you going to celebrate?

Re: Why is it so hard? 21 Oct 2022 19:01 #386632

geshmak!
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Kavey wrote on 21 Oct 2022 18:20:

How are you going to celebrate?

Want to come over for a lichayim?!?

all kidding aside I really should celebrate its a huge milestone in my life not to be mzl for so long… I should show H’ how happy I am doing what’s right and that I have hakurs hotov to him for he’s help!!! Maybe I’ll go on a trip to e.y. With my wife just gotta figure out what to do with the kids…
but thx for asking!! It shows you care and are happy for me… so nice!

Re: Why is it so hard? 21 Oct 2022 19:03 #386633

geshmak! OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 463 Karma: 16	Btw I got give a big shout out to a few members on this amazing site that I gave me real name through pm and they davened for me(you know who u are) you should all be gebantched!!!
	Guys the only way were really gonna get help is with H’s help so we gotta beg him for help and he sure will help us cause he wants us helped!! CRY TO HIM!! https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/387630-Powerful!#387630 Feel free to pm me! Last Edit: 21 Oct 2022 19:04 by geshmak!.

Re: Why is it so hard? 23 Oct 2022 14:38 #386658

shtarkandemotional
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Just wanted to add: sometimes what can happen is because we know it’s been so long since we last fell the brain creates the urges and starts fantasizing more. It may be very helpful to change those thought patterns by realizing today is the only day that matters and whether I masturbated 5 times yesterday or whether I didn’t in 15 years it doesn’t really make much of a difference for today. The reason for this is because the last time I masturbated doesn’t affect my strength that I have to control myself now. We somehow think we can connect the two which therefore creates a lot more intensity and we finally crash.

“Distancing and removing triggers is only bringing the door closer..Changing the insides and our nature is the key to get in.”

“Human connection can help every sort of struggle”

If anyone would like to reach me I’d love to help out!
anonymouslyhappy111@gmail.com

Break free the easy way using the self-talk method!
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378128-Captain--Shtarkemotionals-Secret90Day-Challenge

Check out this thread with packed Insight for every person at every stage!
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/376994-%E2%80%9CShtark%E2%80%9D-insight-that-may-make-you-%E2%80%9Cemotional%E2%80%9D-%29

Re: Why is it so hard? 23 Oct 2022 15:34 #386660

imfree OFFLINE Fresh Boarder Posts: 13 Karma: 4	Stay strong it will get easier. My first 90 days were really hard also once you become tahor your mind will also become much more pure. Fill your mind up with the torah it will help tremendously

Re: Why is it so hard? 23 Oct 2022 18:48 #386667

geshmak!
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imfree wrote on 23 Oct 2022 15:34:

Stay strong it will get easier. My first 90 days were really hard also once you become tahor your mind will also become much more pure. Fill your mind up with the torah it will help tremendously

Can’t wait!! It’s true that I have I harder time Bain hazmanem cause I Learn much less than I do during the zman… but I still have this issue during the zman when I learn a ton. I just have I dirty way of thinking… hope it improves!! Cause I really can’t anymore I just can’t walk the streets with out looking and imagining all sorts off stuff I don’t see caring mothers happy girls or cute kids just naked bad people looking for someone to f***
or maybe I just have to live with this my whole life and just keep fighting this y.h. Off!!
like I don’t bh have any other problems in my life besides this crazy issue so maybe H’ just wants me fighting and everything else will be just fine(cause everyone has something that’s gonna be tough in his life)
and the truth is I want this to be my problem better than other( like bad wife no kids bad kids sick kids etc. r’l) so maybe I should just be happy with my issue and be careful the rest off my life… yup no more strolling the streets in a relaxed fashion.

Re: Why is it so hard? 23 Oct 2022 19:26 #386668

pb98 Current streak: 30 days OFFLINE Fresh Boarder Posts: 3 Karma: 1	I’ve heard recently that the thing a person finds most challenging in his life are generally the reason they came back on to this world

Re: Why is it so hard? 23 Oct 2022 20:09 #386670

vehkam
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Geshmak! wrote on 23 Oct 2022 18:48:

imfree wrote on 23 Oct 2022 15:34:

Stay strong it will get easier. My first 90 days were really hard also once you become tahor your mind will also become much more pure. Fill your mind up with the torah it will help tremendously

When I walk in the street I always have headphones on with either music or an interesting class. I fantasized just as much as anyone else and now when I walk in the street I generally don’t notice a lot. When I do see Something I quickly avert my eyes. I quickly move on. I don’t fantasize at all. I walk with a purpose and pay attention to what is coming through my ears.

I hope this is helpful for you as it really works for me.

vehkam7@gmail.com

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me. Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.

some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me. This is ok. I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves. If you do realize that you know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.

Re: Why is it so hard? 24 Oct 2022 01:56 #386678

geshmak!
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Yay I know that I have to keep myself busy walking when the streets… but I don’t want to have to… like why can’t I just enjoy my walk enjoy the beautiful world we live in like must people don’t think abt the things I do when they walk the streets and don’t need all types of stuff to keep them busy… but as I said before this is my problem and I’m happy with it… but I still hope that one day I’ll have a cleaner head cause the time when I don’t have kiach to control my eyes my eyes just see ****
btw I put a lot of thought into this why do I think so sexy abt everything and most people don’t first I thought it was a bad medah I had but after much thought I realized its actually a good medah I (we) have… (many people have sex drives cause they were exposed to it young age or have problems and it was a outlet for them) but at the end off the day were all very worm people that love love and love connection love being loved we are people full of life!! We are fall of DRIVE… we gotta just Chanel it to the right places…
the reason that I get so turned on when I see something sexy is because I’m alive I have a drive and a love and like to connect to people… the guys that don’t get turned on they don’t have such drive in life. Not only for sex but also when they learn daven and dance etc.
just thinking feel free to argue…

Last Edit: 24 Oct 2022 17:51 by geshmak!.

Re: Why is it so hard? 24 Oct 2022 02:07 #386680

vehkam
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Geshmak! wrote on 24 Oct 2022 01:56:

Yay I know that I have to keep myself busy when waiting the streets… but I don’t want to have to… like why can’t I just enjoy my walk enjoy the beautiful world we live in like must people don’t think abt the things I do when the walk the streets and don’t need all types of stuff to keep them busy… but as I said before this is my problem and I’m happy with it… but I still hope that one day I’ll have a cleaner head cause the time when I don’t have kiach to control my eyes my eyes just see ****
btw I put a lot of thought into this why do I think so sexy abt everything and most people don’t first I thought it was a bad medah I had but after much thought I realized its actually a good medah I (we) have… (many people have sex drives cause they were exposed to it young age or have problems and it was a outlet for them) but I at the end off the day were all very worm people that love love and love connection love being loved we are people fall of life!! We are fall of DRIVE… we gotta just Chanel it to the right places…
the reason that I get so turned on when I see something sexy is because I’m alive I have a drive and a love and like to connect to people… the guys that don’t get turned on they don’t have such drive in life Perot. Not only for sex but also when they learn daven and dance etc.
just thinking feel free to argue…

based on my understanding i would say that some of the "getting turned on" is a distortion of healthy attraction. It's not about more drive or less drive.