Day -1
(That's not a dash, it's a negative)

Q: What's the way the cookie crumbles?
A: That's the way the cookie crumbles.

Disconnected

connected wrote on 14 Aug 2022 14:08:

Markz wrote on 14 Aug 2022 16:15:

Interesting question.
I think that even though the cookie crumbled, it's not deleted. Those 109 days are still mine.

connected wrote on 14 Aug 2022 22:40:

Exactly. Your batting 900 and headed to the hall of fame! You don't lose your batting average just because your streak got broken.

Check out this article You Don't Truly Build a Habit Until After You Break Your Streak (lifehacker.com)
Keeping up a habit every day is a classic hack. Whether you track that with a row of red X’s on a calendar, or you let an app give you badges for consistency, a streak can help you get a habit started. But that’s just the first step. You find out who you really are after you break your streak.

Lchaim Tovim wrote on 15 Aug 2022 13:51:

Interesting perspective.

connected wrote on 15 Aug 2022 14:24:

I'm sorry 

Today is one of these days.
Y'know the ones when you feel wholly depressed and lonely? Angry at no one in particular.
As we Yiddish-speaking folk put it, Luz Mich Oop. (Or the shorthand version, lumichoop.)

The good news is that I have approximately two hours of traveling to do before getting home today. I'm so going to blast out my car's stereo system while frantically waving my hands and various body parts to the music.
That usually somehow puts me in a better place.

Beethoven's Fifth should do the trick, but it's too short.

If anyone has a good suggestion of what I should listen to, I'm all ears.
Well, that's slightly inaccurate; I'm partially ears.

I know how you feel. Not a classical music kind of guy so can't really give you any suggestions on that end . Was hoping you would sign off Reconnected. Remember a crumbled cookie still tastes great even if it doesn't look as good.

Well if you want something like that, march of the toy soldiers or in the hall of the mountain king. 

supremeone wrote on 16 Aug 2022 21:59:

If Beethoven's fifth is too short, what does the hall of the mountain king have to say for itself?

And while we're on The Nutcracker, why not listen to the whole thing? Tchaikovsky is always fun.

Oh for sure, whole thing is fantastic. 

Check out heilung. Very interesting music.

supremeone wrote on 19 Aug 2022 17:34:

Thanks for the recommendation, not quite my tempo...

'twas a brutal Sunday.

On multiple occasions, my old self tried pulling me to the bathroom. To alleviate my stress, to numb my lack of sleep on MS, and to pass time.
In the past, I'd follow this instinct, no questions asked.

Thank The Almighty; I'm not in the past anymore.
I still have many urges and cravings (yearnings, too), but it's not happening so much without my (conscious) knowledge.
Observing these feelings as though I'm on the outside is interesting.
Understanding what's happening - as the events are unfolding.
To be able to connect the dots between an urge and, say, a task I've been pushing off.

Y'know what? As brutal as Sunday was, it was a good learning experience.
May The Almighty give me many more accompanied by the clarity and presence of mind to learn and grow.

So here's the dealio.

I'm toying with the idea of taking a hiatus from GEY.
Over the past few weeks, I've spent countless hours in GYE, unearthing old posts.
Getting inspired.
Feeling validated.
Laughing my rear end off.
All with a side of wasting time.

I used to waste time on YouTube. Or, as Rav Noach Weinberg ZT"L would put it, I used to commit suicide on the installment plan on YouTube.
After Pesach, I finally got the courage to block YouTube on all my devices.

But you see, as disturbing as YouTube might be, my problem was not in YouTube, per se; my problem is in me.
I blocked YouTube, and now my fingers mindlessly open GYE.

Here's the conundrum:
Regarding YouTube, I knew that 95% of the time I gave them went to waste. The other (maximum) 5% was to gain positive knowledge. So I was able, to be honest with myself and leave.

However, when it comes to GYE, there's a much more substantial positive gain.

1. If not for GYE, I would, in all likelihood, be deeper than I was four months ago or at least just going sideways - certainly not where I'm at now.
2. I acknowledge that I'm not out of the muck, and being on GYE still delivers Chizuk.
3. GYE provides me with a Kosher form of entertainment (oh, those old "just having fun" threads!)

But at the same time, I'm sitting here way longer than I should and getting less work done.

Here's the plan:
I want to step away for two weeks. After that, I want to keep it blocked on my phone and open it for an hour during the day on my computer. (I use freedom.to/)

Something I need to keep in mind:
As I stated before, my problem is not YouTube or (Lihavdil) GEY; it's me. I need to figure out why I have this tendency and cure that.

If anyone has any suggestions before I set my plan into motion, please come forth.
Thanks in advance.

Reconnecting

I relate very much, GYE was my life saver, to be honest; I started GYE without even knowing about the forum, it was some information about SMART they sent me, and I learned and practiced, and then with the F2F

All that is inner work, and I did feel that I opened up to someone in the email to GYE.

In the beginning I felt good starting to post to take off that whole taboo around the topic.

And even the chatting is good sometimes when I feel the need to talk to someone.

And having a friend following me, keeps me in check [even though that can not be the main reason to stop]

But here comes the but, I feel like sometimes it’s costing me too much time, reading chatting, instead of doing productive things, or doing inner work, like F2F practicing mindfulness.

And I feel that instead of doing a thorough job at work, I'm just yotzah sometimes, because of the hour on GYE.

So I relate, but I think its still better this way than without GYE, [not better, its not even question]

But I would like to limit my access to a certain time, but I don’t think techlocq has such an option.

So Hatzlacha on your decision