Day 48!
Shabbos used to be pretty tough for me... before I was married I used to learn the whole afternoon, with a few 'breaks' to the bathroom. BH nowadays although I can't learn the whole day (wife and kids to take care of) but it definitely keeps me away from trouble! Gotta always look at the good .

Good night,
HappyYid

1000 cumulative days clean!!!!! 
Don't underestimate this part of our journey! Lol That means one thousand times saying no to the YH (not exactly 1000 but ya know...)
BH I'm 49 days clean straight. Beh I'll get to 1000 straight days!
I always liked that GYE keeps track of this too besides for the staright clean days. It gives me alot of chizuk that as many times as a person falls he's still climbing upwards. You don't lose what you gained until the fall... There's no way to get the 'cumulative days' back to zero.
Those days are yours to keep!

Thank you everyone,
HappyYid

BH clean. 
Last night I saw those girls. My sisters in law. I really stared too much. It was just too hard not to. 
I didn't act out but my thoughts were really not clean. 
I gotta work on this better. Like HHM told me a while back (regarding any girl) that I have to daven for them and make them into human beings and not portray them as my fantasy object.
I definitely could daven for them for shidduchim, but sometimes I feel like while I'm davening, I'm 'secretly' also thinking about them the wrong way...
I'll figure it out.

Anyway thanks for listening.
I WILL try harder.

Always Happy,
HappyYid

It must be so difficult having such triggers around constantly even when you are officialy home. It is hard to shut the part of our brain that immediately sexualizes everything. It's a constant struggle. Here is a discussion that was had this past summer about deobjectifying woman as sexual objects, maybe you will find it helpful.

BH clean!
Had tons of urges over yom tov. The YH is really not happy that I'm hitting 60 days clean soon...
Was very hard some of the times but pulled through (although I did touch there too much).

Gut moed

Amazing.
Keep trucking!

א גוט מועד

Day 60! BH
So I'm by my in laws for the second days, I really have to try hard not to stare at my sister in laws, I already looked too much...

Mazal Tov!

EvedHashem1836 wrote on 02 Apr 2021 02:56:

To you too 

Day 64! 
I had really big urges the past few days, I have to work on not giving into them at all, I gave in too much recently and was touching way too much...
The hardest time is when I'm lying in bed, I get alot of urges and I touch alot...
 Really not good. I hope it changes quickly...

Good night
HappyYid

HappyYid wrote on 06 Apr 2021 02:05:

I know exactly how you feel. The problem is that once we get into a streak of starting to weaken it's hard to grab ahold of ourselves and stop. It does alot of guys in. What works for me is to do something to break the continuation and reset. Recently I restarted my count although I didn't technically fall according to my guidelines, I felt it necessary because I couldn't stop myself from continuing to slide. Try to find something that will signal the end of the playing and poking around. 

Grant400 wrote on 06 Apr 2021 03:14:

I humbly disagree with most of this post, but mainly with the first comment.



There is know way for you to know that. I don't like telling people off, but I dislike even more when people tell me how I feel. Everyone is different, and in this case, I actually find that yes, I do sometimes poke around, if I wouldn't, I wouldn't visit this site anymore. That's what we do. Guys who spent more time on porn and lusting than anything else sometimes find themselves slipping back to their old ways. That's just the way it is. 

For me, I have found that I am able to rebound very nicely from a rough patch without anything too drastic. I know that I need to remind myself what I am here for, and find some more productivity in my day. I may need to relax if I am stressed, but usually, it's just an itch for connection. That's    may be different. 

I guess I just got ticked by the "I know how you feel" line. I can't stand when guys here think that everyone is going through exactly the same struggles that they are. When I first got here, someone made me crazy about my bedroom life (in the chat). "Oh, you struggle, your wife must be your porn star. Your bedroom life must be in shambles, you must start in the bedroom..." Everyone is different and has different struggles, just because that's what you went through, doesn't meant that's what someone else is. 

I try really hard in my posts to say things like "When I go through something similar I try this, can you relate?" Instead of "The only way to win the battle is to do xyz." There are many things that work differently for different people. Filters, 12-Step meetings, phone calls, 90 day count, etc. just as some guys are deeper in than others. 

Sorry about the rant, I just needed to get that off my chest.

Do what works, look around, read other peoples threads to see what other guys are up to, what they struggle with and how they get through tough times. Try to figure out what talks to you and what doesn't. 

All the best,
Wilnevergiveup

@Wilnevergiveup:
​I actually don't mind when people say that they know how I feel, noone said that they are going through exactly the same struggle, I took it as an innocent comment trying to make me feel like someone knows how I feel, and then suggesting something that worked for him. He didn't force me to do what he did.
This whole site is about people giving suggestions as to what they feel worked for them. 
You yourself suggested that I look around at other peoples threads to see what worked for them, so what Grant did was saved me the time of going through his thread at least and gave me his input directly. 
The bottom line is everyone knows (I hope) that everyone is different and all suggestions are nice bec then you could pick which one works for you. 

HappyYid

Ok so here's my issue now, 
​Where I send my kid for babysitting there are others that send as well...other women in fact. One of them became my lusting object.
Its really hard because I see her every day and sometimes twice (drop-off and pickup).
Until now I'll be honest, I would look at her (with only a glance of course without her noticing) fantasize, and 'enjoy' it. I don't think I ever acted out on those thoughts, but seriously that's not the point.
I don't want to think about her. Its disgusting. Its not right to my wife.
Now its turning summerish and I'm afraid that she will dress more catchy...
I'm going to work on not looking at anything from when I get into the building till I get out...
Its going to be hard but I'm going to try.
I'll start that today when I go to pickup.
Just posting this because when I put it out it makes it easier for me to work on.

Thanks for listening
HappyYid  

HappyYid wrote on 06 Apr 2021 15:14:

We can see that chazal have already thought about these issues... see below:  

משנה קידושין ד יג
לא ילמד אדם רווק סופרים, ולא תלמד אשה סופרים
פירוש תוספות יום טוב לא תלמד אשה סופרים. לא תרגיל עצמה להיות ממלמדי תינוקות. רש"י. וטעמא מפרשינן בגמ'. מפני אביהם שבאים להביא את בניהם וכו':

וההיתר בלימוד ע"י אשה (גננת ומטפלת) מבואר בב"ח וב"ש (סקכ"א) שדקדקו ברמב"ם
ובשו"ע דהאיסור באשה הוא דוקא כשמתייחדת עימם. [משא"כ איש שהאיסור משום גרוי
ולכן אפי' בלא יחוד]. ועוד היתר עפ"י המהרש"ל (יש"ש קידושין פ"ד כו) שכשיש הרבה
תינוקות אין לחוש ליחוד ומותר. ועוד מבואר בח"מ (סק"כ) דכשבעלה בעיר אין
חוששין, אכן ביש"ש שם כ' דלא מועיל וכ"ד הט"ז ביו"ד רמה סק"ז. וע"ע ציץ אליעזר
ח"ו סי' מ פכ"ז שהאריך בזה ומסיק שבמוסדות במקום ציבורי אין חשש.