Hi everyone. I've been married a few months and have struggled with this addiction for many years. Last year, when I got engaged, I began tracking my progress in breaking free. I've had some moderate success with two 40+ day streaks of sobriety, but unfortunately I haven't been able to continue much longer. I just recently broke a 10 day streak, which was my longest in a while.



I work from home much of the time, which of course isn't helpful. I have some filters going that I just strengthened. Hopefully that will help. I've also admitted my problem to my therapist, the first person I ever told about it. I recently realized that with my streak starting this Shabbos, I will be able to hit 90 days near the first anniversary of my engagement. I hope to turn this into an opportunity.



I'm hoping to keep this thread active for extra accountability. Happy to try any tips anyone has as well. Glad to be a part of this community!

Welcome!

You've come to the right place.

Stick around and get to know the people.
Keep the updates coming because besides the extra accountability you will be mechazek many others on your journey.

Have great shabbos and a gut chodesh!

Welcome!

Now that you found GYE, it's going to be a different fight. Before, you were fighting a armed villain without any weapons or training, just willpower. Now, you will be able to utilize the tools that GYE offers, and hear from some of the veterans the tricks of the trade. 

May your journey be with a lot of success. 

Stick around, we are with you through thick and thin. There may be some bumps in the road but that's no reason to run away, it happens to everyone.

Take a look a "The Fight" from Rabbi Bentzion Shafier, you can find in on Theshmuz.com and a different version in the video section of GYE.

Hatzlacha!

Welcome!

Here's a link to The Fight that Wilnevergiveup mentioned. I also recommend it a lot. Rabbi Shafier is amazing!
theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/

Also, please check out this great book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation.
Try reading 2 pages a day and watch it supercharge your strength. (It's available as a free ebook download so you can have it on your phone if you don't want anyone to see it. Or you can buy a softcover copy for about $10 on amazon.)

Also, you can sign up for the daily GYE Boost emails/ whatsapps at www.gyeboost.org.

Looking forward to hearing more from you,
Captain

jewregonnamakeit wrote on 12 Feb 2021 20:55:

Welcome to GYE! You did a smart move by posting on this great forum. 

Here is a tip...

Make this your top priority

• If you feel that you’re not making enough progress with breaking free, try making this your very top priority for the next month. If you’re focusing on too many areas of life at once, it’s much harder to give any of them proper attention.
  
  We're looking forward to participating in your journey... 
  Lot's of HATZLACHA!!

Welcome Aboard!
What i will say may sound a bit cliche,but it is still the absolute truth.
A great tool for keeping strong is posting regularly regarding your journey. We are here and understand what you are going through.  Remember to just take one day at a time! Another clean day,another clean day etc
Although filtering is not the ultimate solution,for most of us having a very strong filter is the only way to get past first base (or in your case 40 days).
Hatzlocha!

Welcome!

DavidT touches on a great point: 


Ive found prioritizing this helps in two main ways

1. Its very hard to even think about other areas of your life if the guilt of your aveiros is weighing you down
2. ​One cannot devote the proper time to the other parts of his life if he's spending some of that time watching shmutz or whatever

Hope this helps! Hatzlocha

Thank you everyone for your encouragement and advice!
I'm happy to say I have been clean all weekend and not even had any urges. Streak as of now is 3 days. Today is another work-from-home day, which is never easy. I'm planning to stick to a schedule that will keep me occupied until my wife gets home from work, and will help me get my work done. I will also look into the resources linked by other users in the thread. Will report back!

Reporting in: now 5 days clean! Moving very well out of the depressed "fog" I tend to end up in when I fall.

jewregonnamakeit wrote on 17 Feb 2021 16:58:

We hope to keep on hearing such good news from you!

I wanted to point out that the yetzer harah cares much less about the sin than about the depression that follows it. This is because by means of the depression, it can further trap the person and gain much more than from the first single sin.

The yetzer harah is similar to a prankster running through a crowd showing his tightly closed hand. No one knows what it is he is holding. He goes up to each person and asks, “What do you suppose I have in my hand?” Each person imagines that the closed hand has in it just what he desires most. They all hurry and run after the prankster. Then, when he has tricked them enough, that they are following him, he opens his hand. It is completely empty! The same is true of the evil one. He tricks the world, fooling them into following him. Everyone thinks that his hand contains what they need. In the end, the evil one opens his hand. There is nothing in it and no desire is ever fulfilled. Worldly pleasures are just like sunbeams in a dark room. They may actually seem solid, but when a person tries to grasp a sunbeam they find nothing in their hand. The same is true of all worldly desires.

Keep strong!

that’s an excellent mashal! Gotta remember that one

This may not be your experience, but for some (like me) the term fighting is a big turn off.

I spent years trying to "fight" with no success.

I guess my issue is fighting implies a war In which you will eventually vanquish the enemy. In this case, the enemy is not going away. 

This fighting mentality caused me over the years to slack on my recovery when I felt I'm in a good place, but it never worked for me long term.

Everyone here is different, poke around and stick around, hopefully together we can get somewhere.

Recently I found a lot of guys here prefer the "laughing it off method". Instead of looking at this issue as a monster to fight with, it is more like an annoying fly buzzing around. There is no need to give in, etc... so just tell the urge, "Ok, here you are again. Not interested, so be gone...."

Hi everyone, sad to say I fell this weekend after over a week clean. My takeaways are that I need to come on GYE every day--I love the posts I see in this thread since my last update, and in fact these ideas may have helped prevent my most recent falls. I think that setting aside time in my routine to read posts and other resources on here could help me see falls as not inevitable. My filter is also too easy to get around and it's time to invest in a stronger one. Thank you all for your fantastic posts; I hope to have better news when I report in tomorrow.

Sorry to hear about your fall. I agree with you about coming on daily it really helps you stay strong!
I would also add the importance of posting as well. When I started slipping I decided to post daily and it has helped tremendously b/c I don’t want to have to post that I fell.

Hatzlacha!
anothershot