I'm going to preface this by saying that my mentor wanted me to post this so that it can help others. secondly this is about my specific situation that may or may not apply to everyone (but if it even helps one person then its worth it)

So, I've been struggling for a while with this stuff (I was exposed to it preteen age). Its only very recently that I've actually started making real change and getting better (curiously coincided with finding this site:wink:).

Just starting out was a real struggle. I basically just tried to do it on my own, willpower really.

That didn't work.

I don't know what possessed me (H'), but even though a massive part of me needed the anonymity, I reached out for a mentor and partners (a few actually), B'H the right one responded. [all the people who responded and reached out were great and really supportive, chas v'sholom that I should give a negative impression on any of them, truly they were [b]all[/b] empathetic and kind (strange that really ), but not all were the right fit]

So with their help and a few new strategies (and better filters) I've started to make real headway and change. Actual growth. I've fallen and gotten back up a few times. I'm currently on an incredible streak in terms of not acting out. It's been difficult (incredible understatement), currently is still difficult, (even as I write this I'm struggling), and I know it will still be difficult for a long time to come (hopefully it will get easier).

BUT HERE'S THE IMPORTANT BIT

In my private life I didn't have any support

My parents didn't know. my Rebbeim didn't know (still don't actually). Neither siblings or trusted friends. Nobody knew. I'd gone to friends or my parents for sensitive things before. but about this I had never disclosed. To anyone!

The other day I made the decision to talk to my parents. I discussed it first with my mentor and he told me to go for it.

Iwas going to talk with them both that night, but my mother was already asleep and I didn't want to wake them. It was in the morning that I broached the topic with my mother that I had something to talk about with her.

Know again I'm going to preface this by saying my situation is my own and won't apply to everyone, but if it helps anyone then its worth telling. My mother is a psychotherapist. She's seen and dealt with a lot of stuff. She immediately could tell something was bothering me and it was private. She was patient and knid and listened to what I had to say. she helped me getting out the words i needed to say. she validated my feeling (sounds almost like a therapy session) and told me how normal I am. She and my father have been incredibly supportive. They've been paying for extra filters. My mother even told my if I'm overwhelmed I can come talk to her at ANY TIME. Even 2 or 3 IN THE MORNING!!

I've since told one older sibling whom my mother recommended talking to, who has also been incredibly supportive (happened to be also a member of this site. If you're reading this, sorry, but my mentor told me to write this. eep. im going to hide now )

The point of all this, is that its incredibly difficult to do this on your own (if not nearly impossible). I dont know everyones individual situation, but if your parents (or very trusted rebbe) are normal and care for you. Then its incredibly worthwhile telling them. The support makes a MASSIVE difference.

hopefully this helps

Wow!!!

Your user name should be
”happy to give chizzuk”

Wow!! You are one brave and amazing person!! 

Thank you so much for sharing! 

This reminds me of the story in the gemara kidushin of Rav Amram Chasida. He screamed out on his way to do an aveirah, so that everyone would come to see him and he would be embarrassed and not do the aveirah. He said better to be embarrassed in this world then the next world. 

BUT LOOK CLOSER! We don't refer to Rav Amram as the loser who couldn't control himself. He is known as Rav Amram CHASIDA! 

Enough said

Look how many "thank you's you got!!" What a service for the bochurim on site. I wish I would have had the seichel to tell my parents back then....  Buddy, keep inspiring!

Hashem Help Me wrote on 04 Jun 2020 04:58:

So true , I never had the courage to , but from coming clean with my wife I now understand how much of a difference it would have made.

Hashem Help Me wrote on 04 Jun 2020 04:58:

Exactly. I didn't even think telling my parents was an option.

@Realestatemogul
Awesome insight! Our great leaders and sages are human beings who dealt or deal with the same issues that we do.

@givemechizzuk
Continued hatzlacha! 

Thank you. just knowing that I helped even one person makes it worth it

I am married for close to a decade. I meant that I didn't think it was an option back in my bochurhood days. Either way, your post certainly helped me to appreciate the value in sharing with someone. To realize that there are people who are compassionate and won't condemn, but will offer to help. A beautiful story.

I would imagine that you have helped more than just me! 

Amazing story! Thank you for sharing!