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From today... until forever!
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!
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TOPIC: From today... until forever! 230 Views

From today... until forever! 04 Aug 2019 14:26 #342683

  • reuvenshimonlevy
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Hi,
Welcome to my life. I’ve been an addict for about 3 years now. It’s been tough. Really tough. I don’t like it. I actually hate it! I’ve tried so many times to get out of this, but to no avail. I haven’t been trying to help myself for 3 years, but I’ve been addicted for 3 years. The past year plus, I started to try and help myself. I’ve tried different things which we’ll leave out (cuz quite clearly they didn’t work). I’m now starting my 90 day challenge. And a challenge I’m sure it’ll be! But if I post, I’ll feel more of a responsibility. Obviously just posting is not the answer. I’m also gonna work with the tools given in the GYE handbook and all the tips given here on this site. For today I’m gonna get through it because I’m determined. This determination will not last. I know it won’t. It never does. But for today it will. Cuz today I Davened to Hashem for it to work. And today I’m posting about my challenges. And today I’m gonna win. B’ezras Hashem from today... until forever!

I’ll be back to keep you all posted on my challenge. Hopefully having you all at my side will be extremely helpful!


Thank you all in advance and most of all THANK YOU HASHEM!

Re: From today... until forever! 04 Aug 2019 14:56 #342684

  • Markz
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reuvenshimonlevy wrote on 03 Jun 2019 03:32:
Hi!

I’m a struggler just like many (apparently). I started struggling about 3-4 years ago... I only fall periodically. Once a week or once every other week. I’ve gone longer then that but not much...

Input please and thank you!

A fellow struggler


Ok brother.
How about browse the forum to see how others broke free, gye articles too.
It’s a rare bird that can learn to fly from the forum nest alone...

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Re: From today... until forever! 05 Aug 2019 12:04 #342697

  • UpAndDown
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My dear friend, welcome!!
From the few words you wrote it sounds like you are on a great path.
You are davening and taking it day by day. You are determined. You are on the 90 day chart. That's fantastic!!
Believe in yourself and you will get there iy''H!
At first it will be very hard (and seem impossible) but eventually you will feel so good with yourself, it will be so worth it, you will be absolutely thrilled to be in total control of your actions!
Chazak ve'ematz!
We are with you in this and wish you lots of Siyata Dishmaya!

"NO MATTER HOW DIRTY YOUR PAST IS, YOUR FUTURE IS STILL SPOTLESS"

Re: From today... until forever! 05 Aug 2019 13:34 #342701

Welcome!! You’ve come to the right place. I have struggled for 15+ yrs and this is the first time I feel like the tools I have really can help me rid this forever. Even if takes some bumps along the way. The forum here is amazing, and super supportive. Post post post- and you hopefully will find what you need ! 

Re: From today... until forever! 05 Aug 2019 18:06 #342703

  • reuvenshimonlevy
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Before I start with day 2, I want to thank everyone for their Chizzuk! Wow! Never thought there’d be that many people out there that care that much! Markz, I agree, just posting isn’t the answer. But I felt it maybe a good place to start. UpAndDown, your energy and Chizzuk is really just what I needed! Yesterday was day 1 and I wasn’t happy with myself. I was trying desperately to make myself happy but it didn’t work! But your response was a breath of fresh air! And OnceAndForAll, I am going to try doing that, post post and post:-)

Day 2 is going well so far. I’m happier that it’s not day 1. Day 1 feels like your starting again. Starting again isn’t a good feeling. It means you just fell and you need to restart. Although that’s really all the Yetzer Hara, I know. He doesn’t want you to think of all the days that you did well. He wants you to think of the 1 time you messed up. I actually had a friend who was struggling with being Motzee Zera Livatala. He went and spoke with a big rabbi. The rabbi asked him “are you a righty or a lefty?” He said “I’m a righty.” The Rabbi got up and kissed his right hand! He said “Do you know how many times that hand had a Taiva to be Motzee Zera Livatala and it didn’t give in?!” So yeah, I should be focusing on the times I was good and not on the 1 time I was bad. But what can I say, it’s tough! But today I’m gonna win. And I’m gonna reward myself when I do so that I boost my spirits and hopefully retrain my brain to look at the times I win and not at the times I loose.

Until tomorrow, Hashem help me!

Re: From today... until forever! 05 Aug 2019 20:57 #342704

  • Trouble
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reuvenshimonlevy wrote on 05 Aug 2019 18:06:
Before I start with day 2, I want to thank everyone for their Chizzuk! Wow! Never thought there’d be that many people out there that care that much! Markz, I agree, just posting isn’t the answer. But I felt it maybe a good place to start. UpAndDown, your energy and Chizzuk is really just what I needed! Yesterday was day 1 and I wasn’t happy with myself. I was trying desperately to make myself happy but it didn’t work! But your response was a breath of fresh air! And OnceAndForAll, I am going to try doing that, post post and post:-)

Day 2 is going well so far. I’m happier that it’s not day 1. Day 1 feels like your starting again. Starting again isn’t a good feeling. It means you just fell and you need to restart. Although that’s really all the Yetzer Hara, I know. He doesn’t want you to think of all the days that you did well. He wants you to think of the 1 time you messed up. I actually had a friend who was struggling with being Motzee Zera Livatala. He went and spoke with a big rabbi. The rabbi asked him “are you a righty or a lefty?” He said “I’m a righty.” The Rabbi got up and kissed his right hand! He said “Do you know how many times that hand had a Taiva to be Motzee Zera Livatala and it didn’t give in?!” So yeah, I should be focusing on the times I was good and not on the 1 time I was bad. But what can I say, it’s tough! But today I’m gonna win. And I’m gonna reward myself when I do so that I boost my spirits and hopefully retrain my brain to look at the times I win and not at the times I loose.

Until tomorrow, Hashem help me!

Don't know about you, but I'm a righty, and yet, I always used my left hand. Just tried it again to be sure; left hand!
I'm all about that (substantial) bass, no trouble ....

Re: From today... until forever! 05 Aug 2019 21:10 #342706

  • ColinColin
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welcome reuven

Take it day by day.
Do not put pressure on yourself...just breathe and enjoy life.

Re: From today... until forever! 06 Aug 2019 07:20 #342708

  • David26fr
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Welcome !

Hachem will help you in your journey

Take it day by day (even hour by hour), and think about a program in short term and long term : what I do to improve myself, what I do against addiction every day, what is my goal ( an atteinable goal !), what I will do when there is an attack ("a fresh wind"), ou an urge ("hurricane is coming"). And, also (we hope no) : what to do to get quickly up after a fall.

Thank for sharing the story with the Rabbi, it was very inspirating for me !

Re: From today... until forever! 06 Aug 2019 19:27 #342717

  • reuvenshimonlevy
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Hey ColinColin, your 100% right! I gotta just breath. Because honestly, yesterday wasn’t great. I did not do great with Shmiras Aynayim and I was not happy with myself. I didn’t fall completely but I just let my eyes run wild. And I was very upset with myself. But I really gotta just take a chill! Breath easy! I made it through another day and that’s what counts (not that Shmiras Aynayim isn’t important, but I gotta look at the upside, I tackled one more day). I’ve read up on mindfulness and it seems like something I can benefit from to keep me happy and calm but I don’t have the time right now to try new things. Now I have to work with the tools I know of and just implement them. But I’m going to try to breath more.

David26fr, that is exactly what my plan is now. Make small goals. Tiny ones.

So my goal for today (day 3) is to get through the day and be proud of it. Today I am going to write down every time I win over my Yetzer Hara. Even small wins. And with Hashems help, this will keep me happy and focused and we’ll conquer yet another day!

Thank you everyone once again! Knowing there are people out there rooting for me makes such a difference. I thought about this forum a few times yesterday when having bad thoughts and it really helped me stay focused to make it through another day.

One more day down... Hashem help me reach my goal of forever. For now though, just help until tomorrow, then we’ll take on another day, then another day then another day then an—....... You get the idea:-)

See you at day 4 Biezras Hashem clean!

Re: From today... until forever! 07 Aug 2019 09:40 #342723

  • gye5770
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Hello reuven..... 
Welcome to here.
The past is not here anymore and the future we dont, so i dont have a choice but take the present and use it the best i can.
To me it did not help beating myself up for not having been careful on Shmiras enayim it did the opposite it stressed my until i had a fall, so since i realised this, i am very carefull and try to learn from my mistakes, but i dont get so upset when i did have a look - instead i pray to god that he should help me.
Try it, it works wonders.
Chazak Veematz
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