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The french who wants to get out of the trench
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TOPIC: The french who wants to get out of the trench 550 Views

The french who wants to get out of the trench 12 Jun 2019 07:58 #341709

  • David26fr
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I am starting a new topic to share my new journey

First of all : about anger, frustration, stress... All sentiments like these, are my main objectives for now.
Because I see clearly, after the analyse of my last falls, and a continue observation of myself ( I am writing it into an agenda, trying to do it on a daily basis) that they are the main triggers to my falls.

And I know well that I always want to control everything, and I am not a good person to frequent when this is not the case... As my wife tells me often

I need to make a very change in this topic, in my attitude in life, and to learn to let the things to the others, especially to Hachem, and to take the events like they come. And to see the good in everything.

It will be a long and hard work but it is VITAL.

So, in summary, my program that I want to do :
- FHT method of Rav Fanger.
- Positive thinking
- Write every evening my 3 gratitudes of the day, my glitches, what I have done to the program
- Working in every daily situation to see it in a positive way
- And to share with my partner by phone the ups and the downs, on a weekly basis (at least)

And by side, the others tools : filters, emergency tools if there is an urge, etc

Re: The french who wants to get out of the trench 25 Jun 2019 19:13 #341940

  • David26fr
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I want to share an event that arrived to me in the past week...

I was travelling for my work in a town. For this travel, I needed to stay at an hotel for a night.

A night, alone, in an hotel and in a city in France where there is very few jews. With the unfiltered work's PC, and the hotel's free wifi at my fingertips...

Quickly, I had many thoughts of whatever you can think about lust. And many fears too.

I decided to make practice of the principles I learned with Rav Fanger : this is only thoughts. This is not me. This is not what I want. 
So I ignored them, and I let them came and went without making a little attention to them (it wasn't easy at all at the beginning, but more I ignored them, more they weakened)
And I took attention to be careful about this situation but I stopped to fear it, because this is also a straight path to angry, stress, and so on...

My wife was aware of the situation and told me : "You should do everything you can to avoid to be alone in this chamber with the PC and Wifi !". 

I thinked about strategies, but at the end, I decided to pray to Hachem and let Him to help me with this situation.

So, what's happened ?
At the check-in, the reception gave me my key and the paper with my personnal wifi codes.
At THIS moment, I had the free will to make my choice : I quickly tear the paper, mixed it with water and made it unreadable. Good.

The evening was calm : after a moment, I had a second choice to stay alone in my room or go out and visit the city to take some fresh air. I made the second choice. After a good outing when I just think to enjoy the moment, I was able to sleep early.

What I see of all this ?

First, if I had a will of choice, I think it was at the very beginning of the situation. Not under attack.
Clearly, with the wifi code paper in my hand, I was at a crossroad. If I kept it, the evening could end in a different way (or not, it's not my problem anymore). That little choice changed all.

Second : thoughts are only thoughts, as powerful they are. You can follow them or ignore them. I am not saying it's easy to ignore them : it's a long time work, and I just begin to see the effects.

Third : if you have fears and worries, let Hachem do. It will be better than trying to catch fire.
 I am not saying that you have to do nothing. But, where there is a dangerous situation : be in caution but don't be in panic. Do your part, the effort that you can or must do at your level, and let Hachem do the rest. The result is not in your hands, in final.

 And four : I have to continue my program and improve it. I can't afford to relax myself because of this little victory : I have keep this event it in mind about what can I do and what are my capabilities, if it reproduces

Re: The french who wants to get out of the trench 25 Jun 2019 19:34 #341942

  • Gevura Shebyesod
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הדא הוא דכתיב "עת לקרוע"

!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...

My story:

Re: The french who wants to get out of the trench 26 Jun 2019 00:30 #341947

  • Markz
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Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 25 Jun 2019 19:34:

הדא הוא דכתיב "עת לקרוע"

That’s for

This place is all about “עת מלחמה”

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Re: The french who wants to get out of the trench 26 Jun 2019 16:33 #341959

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David, fantastic! It is much easier to stop a child from sliding down a slide while he still has his feet on the ground and has not yet begun climbing up the ladder. Once he is perched on the top, he will be coming down. We have to recognize the beginning stages of nisayon and stop there, before we have to face a really hard struggle.
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Re: The french who wants to get out of the trench 09 Aug 2019 10:52 #342774

  • David26fr
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About my actual situation : I had some "interesting" moments in the last weeks, with some moments of up, and some moments of down.

I was very very busy in the past month with many things to do, new situations to deal with, and many long and complicated administrative procedures to deal with (France is the kingdom of unlogical and borying administration, if you didn't know it )
So, I had stress and some difficult situations, and naturally then urges and thoughts were coming....

This is in these situations I can see now my progression, because I succeeded to deal with my stress and the urges, and avoid many falls (even this wasn't easy at all by moments - it was even very tough)

What I did :
- Calling my partner by WhatsApp every time an urge was coming, and sharing with him about the danger and my feelings at this moment (as he did with me).
We are also checking each other one or two times by day.
- Taking an instant to stop when my fingers was beginning to search for some nasty stuff, and then take a breath : "ok ! What are my feelings now... What I want... Do I really desire this now... How I will be after the fall... Will I be better after the fall...". This helps me A LOT (mindfulness, to say what it is)
- When an entire day is with urges : I keep in mind that the urge always pass if we don't feed it. I had some days of urge/stress, and the tomorrow was without stress and attacks at all, like a dream...
And the feeling that you can have at the end of a difficult day you managed to don't fall, when the urge runs away, is indescribable...
- Having a daily log every evening with my 3 gratitudes, my 3 victories, glitches, and what I done for the program, in this day. It helps me to stay focused on the good, and to spot if I am continuing to work with my program or leaving it without being conscious...
I also writes what was the meteo of the day : calm, little wind, blasts of wind, storm, hurricane...
- And having a program in short term and long term, with actions to take in every situations. And to work on long term on my stress and anxiety (because they are my triggers in 80% of time)

I am happy because I feel that I am growing, I can manage situations who leaded me directly to falls before, and I can stay clean for a long time... for the first time without a  Taphsic.
But I know and I have to keep in mind that I am only in the debut of my journey, there is many many work and efforts to do, I must not rely on winnings, and the result is only in Hachem's hands...
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