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I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!!
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TOPIC: I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!! 11994 Views

Re: I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!! 30 May 2019 00:43 #341526

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Re: I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!! 30 May 2019 01:09 #341529

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:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
if you need support relating to ur wife having sexual aversion and you are NOT an addict, feel free to pm me. ive picked up some advice along my own journey as well.
my thread:https:guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/340817-I-AM-HIGHER-THAN-ALL-THIS!!!#340817
Last Edit: 30 May 2019 01:10 by higher.

Re: I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!! 30 May 2019 23:40 #341543

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#13
was just thinking...(#2)
I think that true growth starts with thinking about and becoming truly aware of ones limitations. the more one is in touch with his weaknesses, the more one can develop his strengths in a safe and productive way.
​ I have more than once received advice from individuals to ''be nice to yourself''.
I used to think this is just a way to ensure not blowing up from a stressful situation. i now see it as part of a bigger picture of truly knowing who i am. 
it takes alot of guts to really look at oneself in the ''self identification'' mirror and realize that its not just a bonus to take a break and relax or wtvr-its who you are.
and then you can start to take real, constructive, and consistent steps forward.
this time with the right shoe size. .
if you need support relating to ur wife having sexual aversion and you are NOT an addict, feel free to pm me. ive picked up some advice along my own journey as well.
my thread:https:guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/340817-I-AM-HIGHER-THAN-ALL-THIS!!!#340817
Last Edit: 31 May 2019 00:51 by higher.

Re: I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!! 31 May 2019 16:57 #341562

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was just thinking...(#3)
 In the process of truly figuring oneself out (what his limitations are, not just his strengths), one may be discouraged when he discovers that the only things that are safe for him to work on are seemingly ''small'' things. (lets say to walk out of your way one block because a certain block is frequented by sights that shouldnt be seen.)
  This is a trick of the yetzer hara and the truth is that true growth (and greatness) lie in small accomplishments.
   whatever a persons present level in ruchniyos is, there are certain things that are easier for him (like not killing people-so far everyone on board? ) and certain things that are hard for him (you fill in the blank). growth is to extend the line a bit over to the things that are not so easy for him. so lets say one feels he cant daven the whole shemonah esrai, or even a quarter of it, with kavanah. davening the first bracha, however, can come easy to him and that can be his proper start to true growth.
  here are the accomplishments (some of the many, feel free to add)
1. its real. big steps may seem attractive but its fake. sooner or later, a big jump ends in a hard fall and can have a massive ''kickback'' effect, like a yeridah from your previous level and a time period of feeling down or even depressed.
2. your stopping the flow of auto-pilot in your life and switching to manual. unlike planes, human auto pilot systems DO NOT take you to the right direction. by thinking honestly about yourself and what you truly CAN do at the moment, your jumping off the conveyor belt of stagnancy/failure and taking charge independently twords concrete progress.
3. believe it or not, ''big accomplishments'' are closer than you think-and this is the surest (perhaps only) way to achieve them.
say a person works on davening as was mentioned above. he starts with the meaning of the words in the first bracha, and after a solid week, he advances to the second as well. then to the third for the third week. perhaps he will take a break if he sees its too much for him to progress or extend his time as is needed for him. even in a pretty stretched out scenario-in about a year he will be davening the entire shemonah esrai with kavanah. and with a bit of maintenance-thats his for life. how many of us daven the whole shemonah esrai with kavanah??? (not me-i think this is a good way for me to start.) and this can obviously be applied to hasmadah in learning, shmiras einayim, anything.
its all about baby steps, or rather mature, ''big boy'' steps
4. the strength and brutal honesty with which one assesses himself and adjusts accordingly is precious to Hashem-chosumoi shel hakadosh baruch hu emes.
5. consistency. ​being on the up for a long time has a value (think retzufes in learning) made possible by the help of our sponsor-real, small, steps.
obviously it takes alot of work,honesty, and trial and error to more or less ''get ourselves right. and its probably advisable to work this out with a mentor/rebbi that you trust. 
  was just thinking...., what do you think?
if you need support relating to ur wife having sexual aversion and you are NOT an addict, feel free to pm me. ive picked up some advice along my own journey as well.
my thread:https:guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/340817-I-AM-HIGHER-THAN-ALL-THIS!!!#340817
Last Edit: 31 May 2019 17:01 by higher.

Re: I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!! 02 Jun 2019 04:19 #341572

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#15

was just thinking...(that maybe this should be its own thread), (#4)

  I get an email weekly from ''toras avigdor'' which contains a compilation of divrei torah from rav avigdor miller zt''l.

in this weeks he mentioned the passuk ''adam l'amal yulad'' and drove home a message that life isnt about a blissful vacation or a pleasure drive. its supposed to be hard work. of course, it can end up being a labor of love and fulfilling but definitely it can be just alot of hard work until that point.

  I was thinking-now a fellow might say-''hey! whats this about! i didnt sign up for this''! and i believe the answer is...yes you did.

Hashem only does whats absolutely best for us. there is no doubt that if we would see the full picture we would be exclaiming how much leeway Hashem gave us even though we dont deserve it and look what an incredible gan eden he has in store for us! gotta be a fool not to grab it (our life, believe it or not) with both hands! 

  Of course its hard cuz we grow up without this realization and we take life for granted but it pays taking time out each day and sitting down in a quiet safe place and saying this truth in words over and over again to internalize it. just one little piece that hopefully can add some chizzuk to some of us...this def. may not be a help for many ppl but i think its something worth thinking about either way.
if you need support relating to ur wife having sexual aversion and you are NOT an addict, feel free to pm me. ive picked up some advice along my own journey as well.
my thread:https:guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/340817-I-AM-HIGHER-THAN-ALL-THIS!!!#340817
Last Edit: 02 Jun 2019 04:26 by higher.

Re: I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!! 03 Jun 2019 03:38 #341589

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#16
I engaged in very slippery behavior today.
It could be i might have even fell im not sure-for now im being lenient. (keeping my count) dont wanna right details cuz i dont wanna trigger.
either way, i feel bad about the above...my situation is hard and sometimes it gets overwhelming...hopefully im on a path now that will eventually lead me to a good place...(hopefully soon..)
sigh.
anyways.
  was just thinking...(#5)
 The following is a reality that hit me and was very awakening for me. it could be most folks over here will think this is abc's to them and thats great. im writing this for those that will find inspiration so here goes...
   There is a possible pitfall in our relationships with our wives (and children) that we may come to view their existence with such familiarity and part of the daily ''grind'' of duties twords them that we can end up treating them like an object of a chore rather than a PERSON.
   Yes, they are people! when there is a favor to do for a wife its not just, ''oh, i gotta do this to make her happy'', or, ''lemme leave the house quick so she wont notice and i wont have to bother''. She is a person! She is (also) like another yid in need of help and its a chessed to help her! when you get her a drink cuz shes thirsty its not just the ''wife'' (duties) its helping a real, live, person! (the same with kids-i personally see the pitfall there even more but wtvr). 
   I know that there is more of a primary obligation twords ones wife and children than others but im putting that aside. i think even this awareness (and sitting down and drilling it into the noodle) is very healthy for relationships that can sometimes get a bit stale through routine. (of course this is a small piece there are lots of great suggestions of how to keep things fresh but i believe this is a piece too, nonetheless.) 
   So maybe next time when i do some sort of help or favor for my wife or even smile at her and wish her good day- i can think-im doing something nice for a yid. im not just doing ''whats expected of me, etc.''
   Hope this makes some sense.
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
if you need support relating to ur wife having sexual aversion and you are NOT an addict, feel free to pm me. ive picked up some advice along my own journey as well.
my thread:https:guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/340817-I-AM-HIGHER-THAN-ALL-THIS!!!#340817
Last Edit: 03 Jun 2019 03:39 by higher.

Re: I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!! 11 Jun 2019 04:46 #341690

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#0
. i had a fall. i was in a situation with a bad book around and i knew i shouldnt be looking inside and i flipped to a bad part. actually it wasnt a ''bad book'' specifically. in terms of its labeled category it was a novel. but apparently nowadays, either the authors have lost their talent or if they dont put in an inappropriate scene, the book simply wont sell (as much). 
 Either way, i probably could have rationalized that it was just a slip and maybe even gye wouldve allowed me to continue on the streak and all that.
 But im tired of slips as well. for me, i want real clean days. so i scratched the whole thing. 
 Im proud of all the times ive said no the yetzer hara, and i know that ive made Hashem proud over the different successes within this streak. the streak aint my religion and quite frankly (in terms of gye rules) its not even a goal of mine, so here i am. 
and im gonna keep on trucking. 
if you need support relating to ur wife having sexual aversion and you are NOT an addict, feel free to pm me. ive picked up some advice along my own journey as well.
my thread:https:guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/340817-I-AM-HIGHER-THAN-ALL-THIS!!!#340817

Re: I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!! 12 Jun 2019 03:49 #341705

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Re: I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!! 12 Jun 2019 03:52 #341706

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Was just thinking...(#6)
  The proper application of Bitachon in terms of suffering and painful situations is something that is heavily discussed in many torah sources going all the way back to pesukim and inferences in chazal. For those of us that feel that a harsh situation is whats propelling our struggle in inyanei kedusha, this can turn into being frustrated with what Hashem has given us. 
  (disclaimer: this requires much self honesty and perhaps a third party judgement. to point to a specific trying situation as the root cause for this struggle is not simple. for those that are addicts, this can be just a distraction from their true cause. Even for non-addicts, it can just be an excuse and not necessarily the truth...having said that...)
   I would like to present a possible attitude twords bitachon so that our relationship with Hashem remains (and even grows) strong(er), during such a test.
   Our main avodah in bitachon is being happy with what Hashem decrees upon us. we should be happy in knowing that our loving father is doing the absolute best for us, even if it tastes very bitter. Bitachon does not necessarily mean a guarantee that a certain result may happen (although it CAN produce such a result) rather that we trust and rely on Hashem to do whats best for us, like a baby in his mothers arms.
   now this is very hard-definitely. and perhaps more will be discussed in the future on how to attain this attitude in a healthy way without kickback factors. I still believe that there is purpose in putting forth this ideal just to take the edge off of getting frustrated by those that believe they are having "bitachon'' when in reality they are doing ''business'' with hashem. ''i trust in you, and you give me THIS result!'' we can admit that we have a hard situation, and do our hishtadlus to improve it as well. but to maintain a healthy relationship with Hashem can be crucial for many reasons and definitely helps our attitude when we talk to him. (no, not just in tefillah, Hashem exists-you can actually TALK TO HIM.) 
  There is more to say.
  To be continued, perhaps...
   
if you need support relating to ur wife having sexual aversion and you are NOT an addict, feel free to pm me. ive picked up some advice along my own journey as well.
my thread:https:guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/340817-I-AM-HIGHER-THAN-ALL-THIS!!!#340817
Last Edit: 12 Jun 2019 18:57 by higher.

Re: I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!! 12 Jun 2019 23:38 #341716

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was just thinking...(#7)
  
This is a continuation of #6. 
   The process of acquiring Bitachon is complicated and varies according to the individual. There are so many levels to Bitachon that it is truly a lifelong work. The actual definition of Bitachon is a study in itself. But before and if we are to delve further, something must be made very clear.
  There are no shortcuts to Bitachon. It is work, and it requires a tremendous amount of consistency. If one is clear about his personal obligations concerning Bitachon, then it isnt necessarily hard work, but it is something that cannot be in the back of ones mind and pulled out for tweaking every month. It requires a great deal of self honesty to figure oneself out and then it is consistent work. One must realize this before embarking on this truly fulfilling path so as not to get discouraged if after a while he sees no improvement. it probably means he isnt properly working on bitachon or hes not being consistent enough. 
  That said, true acquisition of Bitachon means that a person has real peace of mind (the proper term is ''Menuchas Hanefesh'' and ''peace of mind'' does not adequately convey its message. There is also an element of a sense of belonging, but perhaps this will be discussed further.) This allows one to live life to the fullest and in a most fulfilling way. The results are definitely worth it, but a strong awareness of the work involved is imperative.  
  
if you need support relating to ur wife having sexual aversion and you are NOT an addict, feel free to pm me. ive picked up some advice along my own journey as well.
my thread:https:guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/340817-I-AM-HIGHER-THAN-ALL-THIS!!!#340817
Last Edit: 12 Jun 2019 23:41 by higher.

Re: I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!! 18 Jun 2019 03:53 #341786

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although ive been having slips, im happy that a couple of times when i had a big urge to look at sights i shouldnt be looking at in the street, i didnt giive in and i didnt look. and thats with all my excuses of pain and what not. 
  thats all,folks!
if you need support relating to ur wife having sexual aversion and you are NOT an addict, feel free to pm me. ive picked up some advice along my own journey as well.
my thread:https:guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/340817-I-AM-HIGHER-THAN-ALL-THIS!!!#340817

Re: I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!! 21 Jun 2019 05:30 #341857

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I love the positive enthusiasm!

I'll be honest though, I am a bit confused what you mean by a slip. It sounds like you are conquering in a serious way! When a climber goes up a mountain, every step up takes time to find the right rock and progress further. Part of that includes putting a foot down to test if a spot is strong enough to support the climber. Obviously, if a spot turns out to be weak and the climber's foot slips down, you wouldn't say that the climber slipped, right? NO, the climber is in the middle of climbing up!

Hashem made us that we are always looking around. That is why shmiras eynayim is on fo the six constant mitzvahs. If you go through a day that there were times that you conquered what you looked at that is a HUGE WIN! 

#KeepInspiringUs
#Climbing
#Winning
#StopCallingClimbingSlippping

Re: I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!! 23 Jun 2019 22:19 #341897

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Realestatemogul wrote on 21 Jun 2019 05:30:
I love the positive enthusiasm!

I'll be honest though, I am a bit confused what you mean by a slip. It sounds like you are conquering in a serious way! When a climber goes up a mountain, every step up takes time to find the right rock and progress further. Part of that includes putting a foot down to test if a spot is strong enough to support the climber. Obviously, if a spot turns out to be weak and the climber's foot slips down, you wouldn't say that the climber slipped, right? NO, the climber is in the middle of climbing up!

Hashem made us that we are always looking around. That is why shmiras eynayim is on fo the six constant mitzvahs. If you go through a day that there were times that you conquered what you looked at that is a HUGE WIN! 

#KeepInspiringUs
#Climbing
#Winning
#StopCallingClimbingSlippping

i appreciate your encouragement. in general, your support means alot to me. 
 not sure about your rock climbing parable though, when i slip and look at a novel (aka for nowadays-dirty book), im not testing any footholds unless im a fool. (now i know that thats still up for debate...), i dont think your supposed to ''look'' for tests in this area, (or any other, to be precise), and our job (mine included) is to avoid the nisayon from the start. 
  so id like to assert myself and say that im NOT an idiot!... ...stop.....stop.........please...
 but i did slip. 
   comprende???
if you need support relating to ur wife having sexual aversion and you are NOT an addict, feel free to pm me. ive picked up some advice along my own journey as well.
my thread:https:guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/340817-I-AM-HIGHER-THAN-ALL-THIS!!!#340817
Last Edit: 23 Jun 2019 22:22 by higher.

Re: I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!! 23 Jun 2019 22:33 #341898

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was just thinking....(#8)
  
this is a continuation of #6 and #7. See above.
  Its not my place to dispense my understanding of bitachon on such a forum. i will only offer two suggestions of where to seek this chizzuk and clarity.
  1. chovos halevavos (shaar habitachon) you can use the lev tov or rav avigdor miller's pirush if you have a hard time with the words.
   2. theres a great english sefer called ''faith over fear'' by rav perr, a rosh yeshiva. its based on the alter of novardok's writings on bitachon but he brings out very down to earth lessons and his presentation is very real and enjoyable. 
  i would also suggest that one should learn whatever sefer on bitachon with a consistency-even a little bit a day. actually, its advisable to learn a little bit a day, cuz the point is not to amass knowledge but to ingrain a small piece daily in your bones and really internalize it. that takes patience but its the real way to growth. 
  much success, 
  higher and higher 
 p.s. i would be happy to engage anyone sincerely interested regarding the subject of bitachon, in a one on one manner. feel free to pm me. 
if you need support relating to ur wife having sexual aversion and you are NOT an addict, feel free to pm me. ive picked up some advice along my own journey as well.
my thread:https:guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/340817-I-AM-HIGHER-THAN-ALL-THIS!!!#340817
Last Edit: 24 Jun 2019 03:55 by higher.

Re: I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!! 25 Jun 2019 03:37 #341923

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I just think your focus is too much on the slip and not enough on the upward climb. It may sound crazy, but there is ZERO tachlis in thinking about a slip in the past. Okay true, charata is part of tshuvah but I don't think that is a well understood thing. It doesn't mean you should feel like a garbage can. 
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