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I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!!
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!! 5618 Views

Re: I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!! 16 May 2019 03:05 #341196

  • Realestatemogul
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Hey Higher!

Can I recommend a dose of Veggies everyday? I think doing it might be a good start to getting some positivity and happiness in an otherwise extremely rough situation, that many of us may not appreciate how hard it is. 

It is called Veggies because you do your V's and your G's (VeG's). Every night try and write down 3 Victories you had that day (V's) and three Gratitudes (G's). Victories can be as small as I didn't look at a girl walking in the street (even if you did 50 other times you still count the victory of not looking once), sitting an extra minute to learn, or having a bit of extra kavana. Gratitudes are anything you want to thank Hashem for that day. I could go on explaining but I am sure you get the point. 

I'll kick it off:

V's
1- I did one thing I was afraid to do, and called someone I was a bit scared to talk to.
2- I stayed clean another day
3-I bentched out loud a full bentching (when no one was around)

G's
1- Thank you Hashem for GYE 
2-Thank you Hashem for giving me clothing that I need
3- Thank you Hashem for enabling me to learn with someone who is less affiliated 

It's really very helpful to spend some time actively thinking about VeG's because it forces us to realize both how amazing we are doing and how we should be grateful for everything.

We are all rooting for you!

Re: I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!! 16 May 2019 03:33 #341198

  • higher
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Realestatemogul wrote on 16 May 2019 03:05:
Hey Higher!

Can I recommend a dose of Veggies everyday? I think doing it might be a good start to getting some positivity and happiness in an otherwise extremely rough situation, that many of us may not appreciate how hard it is. 

It is called Veggies because you do your V's and your G's (VeG's). Every night try and write down 3 Victories you had that day (V's) and three Gratitudes (G's). Victories can be as small as I didn't look at a girl walking in the street (even if you did 50 other times you still count the victory of not looking once), sitting an extra minute to learn, or having a bit of extra kavana. Gratitudes are anything you want to thank Hashem for that day. I could go on explaining but I am sure you get the point. 

I'll kick it off:

V's
1- I did one thing I was afraid to do, and called someone I was a bit scared to talk to.
2- I stayed clean another day
3-I bentched out loud a full bentching (when no one was around)

G's
1- Thank you Hashem for GYE 
2-Thank you Hashem for giving me clothing that I need
3- Thank you Hashem for enabling me to learn with someone who is less affiliated 

It's really very helpful to spend some time actively thinking about VeG's because it forces us to realize both how amazing we are doing and how we should be grateful for everything.

We are all rooting for you!

see this guy is genuine. the REALestatemogulDEAL. he gets a zero on the BS scale (b=big s=sheker). full of good stuff and empathy over here. thanks for reaching out and your great suggestion.
g#1- for REM 
im really bad at consistency and i guess if i keep this up then thats a ''v'' in itself. 
if you need support relating to ur wife having sexual aversion and you are NOT an addict, feel free to pm me. ive picked up some advice along my own journey as well.
my thread:https:guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/340817-I-AM-HIGHER-THAN-ALL-THIS!!!#340817
Last Edit: 16 May 2019 03:37 by higher.

Re: I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!! 17 May 2019 15:29 #341261

I’ll wrote on 15 May 2019 04:16:

Ihavestrength wrote on 14 May 2019 11:34:

higher wrote on 13 May 2019 19:17:

Ihavestrength wrote on 13 May 2019 11:21:

higher wrote on 12 May 2019 17:40:
#11
so...i was involved in very slippery behavior again....
didnt ''fall'' but no good...
kinda hard when ya feel starved...not excusing myself just looking for support/help. 

No life for this dude here, so I’ll weigh in. Of course a healthy sex drive is a normal thing which. However, nothing will happen if you don’t act on these natural urges.amou I find that when I convince myself that I need some nt of sex in my life , it’s much harder for me because I feel “starved”. Best of luck, and peace the heck out

i believe this yid (thats an assumption, i know) means well and thats why im responding to the points i put in bold.

1. not sure what you mean by me not having a life but i guess i should just keep quiet on things i have no clue about. i guess you meant to say that im in alot of pain, correct?

2. i never convinced myeslf that i  need sex. i have, to qoute an observant jew, (darn assumption but what can i do), ''á healthy sex drive'' which is a ''normal'' thing. so it hurts when im in a locked up situation where i am deprived of a normal urge when it technically is permissible for me etc. etc. coupled with the regular shmiras einayim nisyonos and hard to hope for an outlet. (shomer atzmi min hacheit type of thing).

as a side note, thanks for reaching out and all  well meant feedback is appreciated.

Yo, I wasn’t saying you didn’t have a life. In your post you mentioned that no one had responded to your post. You said this was likely because people had lives outside GYE so they had no time to respond... So, I opened my post by stating in jest that being that “I don’t have a life” I will respond. 

Re the point I was making about not needing sex. I wasn’t saying that you won’t die without it. I was saying that Hashem created the world in such a way that you can be healthy psychologically without having sex and feeling that you are deprived. That is my opinion. Anyways, best of luck and sorry for not being clearer.

whoops!!! 
sorry!! your totally right- i misunderstood! i guess people in a bad mood should think before they post a disgruntled response! sorry!
in regards to your second point, i think i understand you but i feel that its a big madreigah not to feel in pain and deprived, especially for a non-addict like me. (aright, bring it on boys!) so right now what i need is 1. chizzuk 2. good advice how to achieve a positive state of mind (that works for me) 3. validation
feels ichy to spell this stuff out, not ur fault,
but i want to be clear as well, i guess.

I’ll say one final thing about this, and to be honest, I’m writing for myself a bit, but maybe you will find it helpful as well. I’m not saying that people can live without without sexual feelings and urges. As humans, we are all sexual beings. However, how you view those feelings and urges is up to you. You can look at it as a PROBLEM, thinking hey, if I feel these things I should have a way of expressing these feelings, or you can say it’s ok to have these urges and feelings, I’m human, but it doesn’t mean I need to jack off or look at porn if that goes against my values. Typing on my phone where I can’t see what I’m typing , so hope that made sense

Re: I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!! 19 May 2019 02:35 #341269

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recently. i had alot of stress, pain and loneliness in my life.
i broke.
i had a fall.
a little bit better then my old falls but a fall nonetheless.
i felt almost positive in the middle of the fall (after i got upset) because i had fought the y''h successfully until then. (for around 17 days.) 
im in alot of pain now and hope my situation will get better. i feel that the fight for me is complicated because there is far more then just desire that pushes me to act out. 
p.s. REM, i didnt do any ''veggies'' yet and i def dont feel like ding now even though i should be proud of every success etc. 
i dont even know what i need any more. but im still working on my situation.
if you need support relating to ur wife having sexual aversion and you are NOT an addict, feel free to pm me. ive picked up some advice along my own journey as well.
my thread:https:guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/340817-I-AM-HIGHER-THAN-ALL-THIS!!!#340817

Re: I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!! 19 May 2019 16:33 #341284

  • higher
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feeling really horrible.
just saying.
if you need support relating to ur wife having sexual aversion and you are NOT an addict, feel free to pm me. ive picked up some advice along my own journey as well.
my thread:https:guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/340817-I-AM-HIGHER-THAN-ALL-THIS!!!#340817

Re: I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!! 19 May 2019 19:36 #341291

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higher wrote on 19 May 2019 16:33:
feeling really horrible.
just saying.

feeling for you. 
just saying. 
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Re: I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!! 20 May 2019 02:07 #341296

  • ColinColin
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Higher

Stress, pain and loneliness.

Three triggers at once can be overwhelming.

There are ways to combat stress - exercise and reading and sleep can all help.

There are ways to combat loneliness - visiting friends and family can help, even speaking on the phone.

There are ways to combat pain - mindfulness can help.

Re: I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!! 20 May 2019 04:11 #341298

  • higher
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positive development!
i dont want to elaborate but bh!
''a little bit of light, just a little bit of light, doche doche, harbeh choshech''...
just saying.
wanted to share with anyone who is worried about me and would like to hear good news.
PLEASE keep on davening though!
i cant wait to post after several months that my issues are solved.
for now i need siyata dishmaya, tefillah, and my hishtadlus.
thats all folks.
if you need support relating to ur wife having sexual aversion and you are NOT an addict, feel free to pm me. ive picked up some advice along my own journey as well.
my thread:https:guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/340817-I-AM-HIGHER-THAN-ALL-THIS!!!#340817

Re: I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!! 20 May 2019 04:12 #341299

  • higher
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and by the way i am back in the ring!
im ready to fight!
if you need support relating to ur wife having sexual aversion and you are NOT an addict, feel free to pm me. ive picked up some advice along my own journey as well.
my thread:https:guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/340817-I-AM-HIGHER-THAN-ALL-THIS!!!#340817

Re: I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!! 20 May 2019 04:42 #341301

  • GrowStrong
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Good luck with that.It took me nearly 35 years to realize i would never win and decided to leave the ring.

Re: I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!! 20 May 2019 11:04 #341303

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Happy to hear you feel more confident, and sorry to hear about the fall. Yes, the guys here care about you and are following your journey... Just to reword or refocus a bit, maybe consider not viewing this as a "fight" (despite the fact that Chazal do term this as milchemes ha'yetzer). At least for most of us it is more of an issue of education, understanding, and healing (rewiring the brain). Once we are "normal" (if we iyh get there), then the term "fight" might be appropriate; that's probably what Chazal were referring to. Just saying...  
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!! 20 May 2019 16:57 #341312

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Hashem Help Me wrote on 20 May 2019 11:04:
Happy to hear you feel more confident, and sorry to hear about the fall. Yes, the guys here care about you and are following your journey... Just to reword or refocus a bit, maybe consider not viewing this as a "fight" (despite the fact that Chazal do term this as milchemes ha'yetzer). At least for most of us it is more of an issue of education, understanding, and healing (rewiring the brain). Once we are "normal" (if we iyh get there), then the term "fight" might be appropriate; that's probably what Chazal were referring to. Just saying...  

not to get into my whole hasgachic discussion and understanding of these things which is very limited, i think theres a very big deep secret here in the word 'surrender' which works for the craziest sex addicts out there on a daily basis to overcome the most powerful yetzer there is that literally overtook their lives and brains.
Can a way to 'beat' the yetzer hora really have come from a bunch of goyishe drunks???
Well i like to compare it to ikvasa d'meshicha and what chazal say about how David Hamelech came into being.
It definitely asks for more iyun, but what do i know im just another sex drunk in recovery and for sure i am not a learned one... just a theory...
and knowledge didnt help me to stop acting out on my lust.
Surrender (quitting to fight) did though :-)

Re: I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!! 20 May 2019 18:58 #341318

  • higher
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thanks for the feedback, growstrong and hhm.
im not an addict. therefore what is N/A for addicts (a fight) is for me (''normal''? i guess in this regard) very applicable. i think that ''answers the two posts although surrendering would def. help alot of addicts out there (i shouldnt say ''def.'' cause all i know about addicts is from reading the forums. )
i think im holding in the milchemes hayetzer stage.
as an aside, i am touched by the concern.
if you need support relating to ur wife having sexual aversion and you are NOT an addict, feel free to pm me. ive picked up some advice along my own journey as well.
my thread:https:guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/340817-I-AM-HIGHER-THAN-ALL-THIS!!!#340817

Re: I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!! 21 May 2019 04:26 #341329

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higher wrote on 20 May 2019 18:58:
thanks for the feedback, growstrong and hhm.
im not an addict. therefore what is N/A for addicts (a fight) is for me (''normal''? i guess in this regard) very applicable. i think that ''answers the two posts although surrendering would def. help alot of addicts out there (i shouldnt say ''def.'' cause all i know about addicts is from reading the forums. )
i think im holding in the milchemes hayetzer stage.
as an aside, i am touched by the concern.

two points on this.
1: R Taub says that addicts are just people who need God more! (grateful to be an addict)
2: What does being an addict or not have to do with using tools that work!
If it works for the sickest people out there why would it not work for relatively healthy people who just have a yetser hora... doesn't make sense to me sorry.

Re: I AM HIGHER THAN ALL THIS!!! 21 May 2019 19:11 #341348

  • higher
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thanks growstrong for your response.
please speak to dov.
or look at some of his latest posts, i dont have the link.
he can explain this better than me.
as a general rule, when fighting the y''h, what works for one type of person doesnt necessarily work for the other. and this is a big example of such a case. i will say that after doing some research in our holy books it seems that in general the main point of the avodah of shmiras einayim is to avoid the fight entirely (there are many sources for this ain kan makom l'haarich) however the tool of surrendering is a bit more extreme than that and to not view this entirely as a fight (even the ''pre'' fight, is a whole different level. ) 
i could explain more if pressed but i think dov would do a much better job.
p.s. i may be misinterpreting some of dovs posts and what i have heard from him in conversation and if so \ i dont have a problem explaining my opinion (not that it makes a diff to anyone)
hatzlacha
the first point that you brought from r taub is enlightening but the manifestations of ''needing g-d more'' can be tremendous like going to a 12 step program and alot more extreme things, something that would be not quite the smartest thing to do for a non-addict, to say the least. so yes there are (huge) differences in terms of practical solutions. hope this helps
if you need support relating to ur wife having sexual aversion and you are NOT an addict, feel free to pm me. ive picked up some advice along my own journey as well.
my thread:https:guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/340817-I-AM-HIGHER-THAN-ALL-THIS!!!#340817
Last Edit: 21 May 2019 19:17 by higher.
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