Dovid824 wrote on 23 Sep 2018 01:31:

Dovid824 wrote on 23 Sep 2018 01:31:

It's listed under cleanliness because one is not a tzadik without it. It's a rationalization.

i'm very mucי in situation of original questioner and definitely believe that its the right path to do, as most people(especially us) will not be able to go  "cold turkey" (eve  though i did that years ago to stop smoking and in that case it definitely is advisable , in this case it is almost impossible to go cold turkey A) because there will always be women around...B ) you will always need this urge for you're wife and therefore cannot do a pure "cold turkey" and therefore better to start with gimel chamuros and train yourself in those and then continue level after level.
However in terms of the questionn"what mitzva does it transgress?"- I would say at the minimum לא תתורו אחרי עיניכם and קישוי לדעת....

I disagree with you.

There are countless sources in the Gemara and Halacha that arousal itself is an aveira.  Whether taking a good look at a girl ("One who stares at the pinkie of a woman is as if he is staring at her genitals"), or just thinking bad thoughts ("Those who think bad thoughts at day and come to emissions at night [wet dreams]") are spoken about in strong terms.
The goal is to rid ourselves of all these behaviors, the question is if we should tackle them all at once or one at a time.  A general fighting a battle needs to know, does he fight smaller battles one at a time and risk running too deep into enemy territory (abstinence but still vulnerable to stimuli), or does he try an all-out assault risking the bulk of his army (the drive to overcome) to an enemy stronger than his...

Thistimeillwin wrote on 23 Sep 2018 09:49:

As always, you're the world's foremost expert on yourself.

mzl,

Not sure if I am the best expert on myself when I've fallen so far 999 times out of 1000 tries to get out of this mess...
As an aside, I've never posted on any 'blog' etc. until 7 days ago, can someone give me the technicals of how to 'quote' the reference I am responding to?
Thanks!

Thistimeillwin wrote on 23 Sep 2018 13:37:

Push the "quote" button?

Thistimeillwin wrote on 23 Sep 2018 13:37:

as far as falling all those times i'm sure percentage is a lot better than you're making it sound but even if it were to be like that the main thing is to never give up the fight.As long as you don't give up you're still battling and that's all Hashem asks of us,
Just an aside as of about ten days ago after years of looking at inappropriate blogs (on different levels-mostly not terrible-but stimulating to me) this is my first time ever posting anything, and this was actually one of the things which held me back from joining GYE all these years 'because i didn't want to break this גדר that although I have looked at and read many things i never had ANY sort of relationship online. Anyone else share this hesitation, and how did you deal with it?

דרך ישר wrote on 26 Sep 2018 05:14:

I hear where your coming from , but without a doubt it's worth it  - theres is so much to be gained by posting and getting to know people here. 

That's why i finally did. it after being in a pretty good situation overall i still managed to fall in middle of עשרת ימי תשובה and that's when i decided i have to go to the next level of work,

For now, I might consider the other things the "fences" that surround the shmutz.  At least you are aware that looking at a good-looking girl or reading a titillating news story can lead to breaking through the fences to get to the shmutz.  So for now, I wouldn't consider it a fall to do those things.

However, the website is called "Guard Your Eyes" for a reason.  Guarding your eyes often nips things in the bud so that you don't have the memories or images in your mind later on.  If you look at a good-looking girl or read a titillating news story and don't have a fall that day, well then, zeyer gut.  But what may happen tomorrow, or the next day, or next week?  That image or that story may come to mind and you may have a fall.

So while I wouldn't say it is a fall to do those things, I would be at least willing to turn away since not turning away isn't conducive to your ultimate goal.

Well, here we go again.

​I just had a fall, first one since I joined 3 weeks ago, and it can definitely be attributed to my laxity in 'borderline' materials. Obviously, I feel like a failure, and obviously everyone's going to say focus on your clean days and not on your falls...

Sorry to hear that your going through a rough time

For me the way to overcome the "borderline" stuff was talking to a real person who understood where I was coming from and helped me set up a plan to overcome it .

Hatzlacha 

Thistimeillwin wrote on 08 Oct 2018 11:22:

I'm not sure who everyone is...

Some may say "Each day you are clean is yours forever"
Its very nice, but doesn't work for me, because it's a game of snakes and ladders, as on the other side of the equation we equally have "Every day you fall is yours forever"

I have begun compiling my acting out history from 8 years old and it's not pretty, and...
Its mine forever...

Yes there maybe a way to break free, but  'snakes and ladders' is not my kinda game. I prefer 'life'!

Hatzlacha to you too ;-)

My lust addiction is one of my biggest assets today.

It has forced me to do find a relationship with Hashem in a depth and a quality that I couldn't have ever imagined.

Sounds crazy I know. But it's the reality. And I'm so grateful.

I've been where you are. The ups and downs. The hopes dashed. The guilt and the self hatred.

Ive been there. For so many years.

But there is so much hope.